Bella and Brutta

Who knew Jell-O shots could be so darn classy?

2012-02-07T16:37:00.002-07:00

I want one of these. In my belly. Right now now now.

Grapefruit Jell-O shot, rind and all? GET IN MY MOUTH.

And here I thought Jell-O shots were just for underage binge drinkers, bachelorette parties, or small unsuspecting children who don't know about mommy and daddy's adult Jell-O.

SRSLY. So inventive yet simple. I really need to be more creative with my kitchen adventures. I don't mean anything crazy... like cat pizza.

No. Definitely not. But, for the record...if I WERE to make a cat-shaped pizza...it would look much better.

That being said, I need a bigger kitchen, more funding for such whimsical endeavors, and more hours in the day. Sigh. It stresses me out just thinking about it. Better have a drink to ease my tension.

What's that sweetie? That's right. Mommy's just having a bit of Jell-O.

oh crap.

2012-02-07T16:23:00.002-07:00

i just realized the world is ending this year.

well...that's unfortunate.

tripping hazard

2012-02-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

I've decided that if I were to get a tattoo, it should probably be this:

I, Montastic, am a tripping hazard.

When it comes down to it, I was overdue for a big fall. It's an annual event. So I decided it was high time to trip with the best of them. Falling is one of my many natural talents. Per the usual, I involved my old nemesis--the uneven sidewalk.

Ugh.

Here I am. Bloody, bruised, and once again wondering how it is possible to fall. so. hard.

food flags

2012-01-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

love this!

A brilliantly simple advertising campaign for the Sydney International Food Festival. It's pretty self explanatory. Flags of each country recreated by food that country is known for.

Take Italia, la mia favorita, for example:

Basil + pasta + tomato = Italy's deliciousness. Om nom nom.

Visually pleasing. Palette enticing. Montastic hungry-ing.

More here.

you know you're old when

2012-01-06T19:58:00.002-07:00

part of your pregame routine for a bachelorette party is Pepcid AC.

yes

2012-01-06T00:29:00.001-07:00

resolve this

2012-01-06T00:21:00.001-07:00

I resolve to stress less
to think more highly of myself
to be more patient with the beebs
to drink more tea in place of coffee
to practice my italiano
to write more-- personally and bloggily
to have girl time
to have boy time
to do something active at least 4 days a week (even if it's just a walk, like a lazy ass)
to stop biting my nails
to be big spoon more often
to have more love
to have less arguments
to really really work on finding a forever home for my family
to shave my legs more often
to read a book. like an actual book.
to re-womanize myself (starting with the aforementioned leg shaving)
to relax until i feel like this:

i resolve to keep at least 3 of these resolution.

i mean let's be realistic. i'm not looking to reinvent the wheel here.

all dressed down and nowhere to go

2012-01-05T23:52:00.002-07:00

that's right. i'm sitting here, makeup-less, bespectacled, hair all a-frizz, and wearing sweatpants that are much too large for me.

ahhh. montastic has the house all to herself. don't get me wrong--i'd still look like this if someone were here. but there is something about the silence of the house that makes me feel even more gloriously slobby.

i really can't remember the last time i had the house to myself for a whole night. i'm thinking it's been a year at least. wild. apparently when you add a husband and baby to the mix, an empty house is a rarity. and it's weird. and a little creepy. i've watched way too many horror movies in my day. eek.

so i've decided to tune pandora to some of my old fav stations, and craft some wordies.

If only I could catch a Z or two.

2012-01-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

Is it seriously only 11:30 pm? When did I become an old fart who thinks that this is WAY past bedtime?

Oh, right. Baby. Usually baby responsibility alone makes my head ready to hit the pillow at about 9:45 every night.

But not the last few nights for some reason. Nope. Can't sleep. I've just laid there and listened to hubs breathing. And listened to baby breathing teeny tiny baby breaths. And watched the modem flicker. And listened to the grandfather clock bong every fifteen minutes. And flipped my pillow over..and over..and over...and over.

Ah, but tonight...tonight I've truly seized control of my sleeplessness. I got out of bed and found myself back at Bella and Brutta. What power! Take that tired-but-not-sleepy Montastic.

Now, if only I had something worth blogging about.

Drat.

the open road. the very boring open road.

2011-11-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

O dios mio! I made it.

I've been in CA for two weeks now. And my, what a journey it was.

Thank you I-80. I thoroughly enjoyed the the complete nothingness of Wyoming.

That was only topped the barren wasteland that is Nevada. In fact, Nevada was so fantastic that Mr. Pickles decided to leave part of his side-view mirror somewhere along I-80. Yep, it just blew right off. I guess he decided he'd rather fall apart than continue through Nevada. Oh Mr. P, you so silly!

When all was said and done we spent 1395.2 miles on the road. I learned a number of things.

1. Letting kitty be free in the car = no bueno. Apparently Storm, the wonder cat, likes to go down by your feet and hang around the pedals that make the car go vroom.

2. Baby will NOT just cry herself to sleep.

3. Battle Mountain, NV. Don't do it.

4. Multiple days of McDonalds does not a happy digestive track make.

5. Mr. Pickles, aside from literally falling apart on the road, could stand to have cruise control. A sore calf from 3 days with a manual tranny really makes me feel like a wuss.

Other than that, we're here. Back in the land of the white fire hydrants, serious highway congestion, sunshine, earthquakes, and loads of family who make this journey and move worthwhile. Or at least they better.

migrating west

2011-10-14T07:42:00.000-06:00

So this is about to happen. In nine short days.

What's happen you ask? 1300 miles.

One thousand, three hundred miles of highway. Of time to remember my 5 years in Denver with love. Of time to think about the next chapter. Of sadness to leave a city that made me who I am today. Of excitement to live closer to my family for the first time in 9 years.

One thousand, three hundred miles to yell at the damn cat who gets anxiety in the car. And meows. A lot.

One thousand, three hundred miles of hoping the beebee stays asleep most of the day. Of hoping Mr. Pickles enjoys his first major road trip. Of pee breaks and beef jerky.

Ahhh, California. How I never I thought I'd go back to you. It's adventure time.

Jobless and babyfull....talk about your leap of faith. I guess I better start packing.

can't argue with facts

2011-10-05T15:32:00.000-06:00

Yep. On my journey to a milfy bod, I gave in and had some cookies today. Two, to be specific. Fresh, warm, chocolately, melty, chippy goodness.

I planned to take a picture of my sinfully delicious treat, but when I looked down, it was gone. Gone to the safety of my tumtum.

So that's that.

back at work, fat squirrels, wieners.

2011-09-20T11:00:00.000-06:00

I've gone back to work this week. Maternity leave is over.

And my work computer has been officially dusted off. Emails have been sorted (AKA deleted). Small talk has been made.

And these two images were re-discovered on my computer's desktop.

What kind of life do I lead?

Apparently one where I find humor in chubby animals and vintage hot dog ads.

PSL in my belly!

2011-09-15T15:47:00.002-06:00

Ohhhh mouthgasm. Pumpkin. Spice. Latte.

I effing love Fall. This afternoon I ordered my first PSL of the season. Overpriced, pumpkin-y goodness.

As soon as it was in my car, it filled Mr. Pickles with an aroma that comforted me like a hug. My smell-memories associated with PSLs are all good. All of them. It made me think so many conversations. Giggles with my cousin while lounging around. Important chats with important friends, lovers, acquaintances. Hellos and goodbyes.

And, no. I don't think it's a coincidence that in the picture the cup appears to be glowing in all its glory.

Sometime in the process of ordering my tasty treat, removing and replacing baby carseat in the car, and driving home, I cut my knuckle open. It bled all over my finger. And I didn't even notice until about ten minutes ago.

THAT, my friends, is the power of PSL.

so today i colored my hair

2011-09-13T14:53:00.001-06:00

I'm coloring it as we speak. It sits atop my head in a big, tangled, chemically-smelling mess. Actually it's toppled slightly forward into some weird punk 'do.

I'm going for some extra sass with color number 53. Medium Golden Brown. waaa-waaaaaaa. There is absolutely nothing exciting about that name. Aren't they supposed to come up with clever names for colors to make them more appealing?

I shall rename it Budget Brown (also not exciting, but true to the reasons why I purchased it).
I've never used this brand of box color before. I've never tried to color grown-out blond highlights on my own before. And I've never used a foaming mousse type of dye. So I guess we'll just see what happens to my hair.

Fingers crossed it doesn't fall out! But, budget-friendly Montastic can not only NOT afford to go get her hurrrr did, she can't afford a box of hair color that ISN'T on sale. And this one was.

Anyhoo...that's what I'm up to today, whilst the beeb is asleep. It's my last week home with the lil porkchop. Then, it's back to work I go on Monday. It's truly amazing how little you can get done in 9 weeks at home while trying to keep a baby human happy.

I'll see you soon, and I'll be Budgetly Brunette.

what's in the case?

2011-09-07T07:53:00.000-06:00

Another walk. Another sign.

This one intrigued me. Is this for real? It's quite a nice sign. It even has a suitcase graphic.

But seriously, who carries a red suitcase anymore? And what's in it? It makes me think of the bat phone---red and signifying trouble.

I wonder if it was lost at the show club in the background. That might make sense. Questionable characters carrying questionable suitcases. Sigh....if only my curiosity could be satisfied.

read what?

2011-08-25T11:16:00.001-06:00

I've been walking. A lot. Most of the time, like today, I walk on a trail that runs along a creek.
This means two things:
1. My ass is toning nicely, obviously.
2. Not much changes when it comes to the scenery.

Today though, I saw a sticker on a sign. From far away it read "READ BOOKS." Upon closer inspection it turned out to be something much more fantastic.

Point taken. And bravo the good use of profanity--I'm a fan.

Also, I don't remember the last time I read a really good book. Or read any book for pleasure for that matter.

Rats! So much for the intellectual persona I try to maintain. Better head to the bookstore.

the maiden voyage, 51 pounds, hot flashes

2011-08-15T11:45:00.001-06:00

Today I took my sweet new kicks for their maiden voyage - a jog at the gym. I had planned to be on the treadmill for 30 minutes, with baby by my side (sound asleep in the carseat). Well, that soundasleepness only lasted about 17 minutes and then apparently it was time for a change of scenery.

So walking we went. Me. Babe. Roboknee. Aforementioned sweet new kicks.

Here's the deal. Montastic ballooned while pregnant. A jollier 51 pounds in fact.

Granted a lot of that was gone once the baby made her great escape. So we're looking at about, oh...hmm.. 19 pounds left to go to pre-baby weight. 30 to wedding weight. 40 to happy Montastic weight. And 110 to Kelly Ripa weight. Seriously have you seen her? Skeletal. No thank you. I like hot dogs too much.

Anyway, I don't think anyone tells you about the ghastly trainwreck of a body you are left with after having a baby. For the delicious details of the destruction...go somewhere else. This isn't that kind of blog. As much as most new moms enjoy the oversharing of deets (of which I've heard plenty), I'm not most new moms. Suffice to say that swollen extremities and stretch marks aside...you will be destroyed.

Oh and you get hot flashes at 27 years old. So while I'm plodding along with SNK (sweet new kicks), my newer, spongier belly jiggles in the summer breeze, and a trail of hot-flashy sweat is left in my wake.

So here's to you SNK. Help me clean up this trainwreck and get back to the glamorous. Ooh the flossy flossy.

MUST. GO. BOOGYING.

2011-08-11T10:32:00.000-06:00

I'm starting to feel the itch. The itch to go boogy.

If my calculations are correct, I have not been boogying in oh...10 months?

Better start practicing my sick moves in front of el babe.

oh that's right, i had a baby.

2011-08-10T09:27:00.000-06:00

Appropriate that my last post was about my post-baby body. That same day I went in for a routine preggo appointment and came home 4 days later with a baby. I ended up needing to be watched overnight that night at the hospital. The next day I was told I would be induced. And the next day I had a baby.

No big deal.

Crazy to think I wasn't even due until this past Sunday. Instead, I have a 3.5 week old. Wowie Kazowie.

So, motherhood you ask?

Not what I expected. Then again, neither was the whole having-the-baby process. Minor medical complications and a 4-night hospital stay coupled with the abrupt news that the baby would be here 3 weeks earlier than planned pretty much threw me right into the gauntlet.

Thank goodness she's OHMYGOSH soooo cute!

Annnnnd, now I'm on maternity leave for a number of weeks. Admittedly, I've become a regular dairy farm. And amidst the lactose-o-rama and hundreds of poop-bombs...Montastic needs a new a hobby.

Requirements for said hobby:
1. Can be done in 2-hour increments (or less).
2. Can be paused at any moment.
3. Is really inexpensive and/or free.
4. Is preferably creative (reading books, for example, is a terrible suggestion.)
5. Requires me to use my brain.
6. Is something for just me, unrelated to babyness or motherhood.

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?

the plan for my post-baby body

2011-07-14T11:05:00.002-06:00

obvs.

via Copyranter

Avoid the cavity creeps!

2011-07-12T09:11:00.000-06:00

Easily my favorite line on this poster. I'm pretty certain this isn't nor was it ever a real poster for safe sex and condom usage. However, I rather enjoy it.

I also enjoy The Pleasure Graph...as I very much enjoy visual data. It turns on my nerd receptors. Ooooh yes. That's the stuff.

And if some presumptuous guy were to get called out by a girl for carrying a condom...and he replied with "I take it everywhere I take my penis," well, he pretty much deserves to get some action.

Bravo.

Mr. Pickles, decent once again

2011-07-11T09:04:00.000-06:00

Oh my, Mr. P! How dapper you look.

Sorry it took so long to replace your hub caps. I know you were naked for way too long.

But now.....now you are dark and mysterious and more glorious than ever.

It's no wonder my mom always liked Cinderella.

2011-07-06T09:20:00.000-06:00

Good ol' Walt... starring go-getter women since way back when.

Longer I Run - Peter Bradley

2011-06-27T15:13:00.001-06:00

it's a beauty.

summa!

2011-06-21T09:57:00.000-06:00

Happy first day of Summer!

I guess that means it's time for me to expose my pasty legs to the world. And to start sweating even more. And it means it's ALMOST time for baby to burst out. Yikes.

I don't know about you, but it has definitely been hot, hot, hot in D-town. It's been hangin in the 90s and let's just say Montastic is not a fan this year.

Something tells me there is an excessive amount of icy cold popsicles in my future.

Leonid Afremov - my new favorito artist

2011-06-14T09:54:00.000-06:00

I wish I could buy them all.
Here are just a couple of the amazing paintings by artist Leonid Afremov.

I can't get enough of the colors, the imagery, the awesomeness. He sells hundreds of prints on his Deviant Art page. And larger scale images on his personal site.

Man oh man...I want want want waaaaaaant these. I've been scrolling through his prints for about the last 45 minutes. Each one offers something slightly different from the next.

Well, it IS my birthday this weekend. And I was going to get myself a new pair of purple-framed glasses. But alas, when I went to buy them they were out. Perhaps it's time to invest in some of this fantastico art.

Hope you enjoy these even half as much as me.

miscellanity

2011-06-07T11:06:00.000-06:00

- no matter how good i am with my other 8 digits, i always bite the nails on my thumbs. i wonder what i have against them.

- i'm pretty sure that being almost 27 means my life-changing year was 3 years ago. and i'm pretty sure that means that my arthritic knees are getting closer to being age-appropriate.

- lately, OMG DONUTS.

- in roughly 9 weeks i'm going to be in charge of another human's life. shouldn't there be some sort of prerequisite for this responsibility? besides sex.

- it's been way too long since i purchased some new jams. any suggestions? i'm open to any mind-blowing, leg-boogying tunes.

- also, this:

- and this:

drink it through a crazy straw

2011-06-01T11:41:00.000-06:00

What song are you listening to?

2011-05-26T11:03:00.000-06:00

Such a simple question, and so revealing of people. LOVE this idea.

Walk around your city (New York in this case) and ask people with headphones what song they're listening to.

Some people are listening to what you might expect (the guy listening to Marley for example). And others are surprising (the Gaga fan).

It's so interesting to me to see what soundtrack people are giving their day-to-day life. I don't ever wear my headphones as I walk around town. Unless I'm exercising, crankin on some work at my desk, or on an airplane (to distract me from my anxiety of flying) my headphones stay at home.

I generally feel like they block out the experience of your environment. I guess that's why this video double interests me...people who choose to block out some external noises for other ones that they choose.

Hmm. It begs the question---what song are YOU listening to right now?

Me? I'm listening to Mike Doughty - Rising Sign.

can't wait for this weekend

2011-05-23T10:49:00.000-06:00

Montastic is headed off to CA to see some fam and friends...and likely experience awkward bump-touching.

writing snobbery and bbq ribs

2011-05-23T10:01:00.001-06:00

Let's just say I've had a chance to look at some resumes/portfolios/etc from up-and-coming writers.

And I don't mean to be a snob, but...I kind of do. Here we go.

First, let me start by saying that writing this makes me feel like some old, washed-up veteran of the industry. After 5 years in it, I think I've earned that crotchety title.

If I could offer a few pointers to those out there, wanting to be the next me (professionally speaking, that is), I would suggest the following:

- Don't get crafty with your resume. Horizontal type. Black and white. Nothing too long.

- Include important information. For example, if you list a degree...please list where it came from.

- Google yourself and see what comes up before you start applying. Remove any not-so-charming content from the internets. Because I've googled all y'all.

- If you list links to your social media sites on your resume, make sure you don't have a blog post about how you don't want to be a *%$!@#$! writer.

- Address your cover letter to the right name.

- Please please please pleeeeease don't improperly capitalize headlines. And watch your punctuation. This is a writing job after all.

Ok...enough snobbery. Let me see how I stack up against my own suggestions.
My resume is short and to the point. It does have some gray on it. BLAST! But all pertinent info is there.

Upon googling myself I find my Linkedin profile, links to my Facebook fundraising pages for the 3-Day Komen walk for breast cancer awareness, and some other random links that are no longer active.

However, if you were to search my maiden name, this blog comes up. As does a recent post about how pregnancy makes me wet myself. Well...I've been bested by my own system. That's what I like to call "keepin it real gurrrrrl."

On a related note, I tripped over this in the blogosphere this morning and can only hope to receive such a letter of interest.

Oh, and the bbq ribs? We made some this weekend and they were amazing.

Seven Deadly Princesses

2011-05-16T10:23:00.000-06:00

Artsy fartsy time. I stumbled across these a while ago, and then re-found them this morning.

The 7 deadly sins as inspired by Disney princesses. Check them out. So cool.

My favorite princess was always Jasmine. Not because I spent time trying to decide which princess was most like me or most wonderful. I'm not girly enough to do that. Plus, let's face it, the princesses of my growing up days (before the empowering-women craze and political correctness overkill hit the children's movies industry) were all pretty useless and dependent on men.

Anyhoo, Jasmine was my fav because Aladdin was my favorite Disney movie. And Aladdin is a hottie. Om nom nom.

Of these pieces, however, the Snow White one is my favorite. The colors and design--swoon! Now if only I had ivory skin, a 7-man harem, and a penchant for apples.

How To Creep Me Out

2011-05-16T10:11:00.000-06:00

I don't feel like this picture needs much explanation. Let's just set the scene.

It's time to celebrate a special event. You compile the guest list, send the evite, plan a lovely evening of of good food, good friends, and good wine. As everyone arrives, you make sure to bring out your finest drinkware for the occasion.

Don't have doll-head wine glasses? Just make them. You creep-o.

Nothing screams horror movie baby shower to me more than these wine glasses.

Well...not true. Maybe these do:

Fetus-shaped cookies of course. Courtesy of the best cookie cutter ever.

Consider this a warning if I ever host a baby shower for you.

i'm a hater

2011-05-05T15:45:00.000-06:00

of cilantro, that is.

And being part mexican, and loving all things salsa and mexican food-y...I often feel misunderstood.

Oh well. Yahoo understands me. Today it featured a little sumpin-sumpin about cilantro, and how polarizing it. Apparently I'm not alone-- people either love it or they hate it. Haters unite!

So take that cilantro. You smelly, creepy little bastard. I am justified in my lack-of-love for you. Now, please join your other evil pals. I call them "The Three Cs" as they are three things whose taste I despise, and whose flavor I feel takes overs the taste and aroma of anything they are used in.

Cilantro, obviously.
Cucumbers. Ugh. Don't get me started. These things are disgust-a-mundo.
Celery. Do you WANT me whine anymore? I didn't think so.

Happy Cinco De Mayo, as a staple of mexican cuisine takes a verbal lashing from Montastic. Adios muchacho.

I got your pregnancy glow right here.

2011-05-04T10:24:00.000-06:00

When I sneeze, or even cough, or slightly lean forward...it's very likely that I have peed myself.

Like an excited pup. Except I'm not usually excited. I just have a wonderful glow in my pants region.

Adorable.

In other news, the best book cover I've ever seen ever ever ever. Maybe it's the laser beams. And definitely that subtitle.

Brilliance. Even more of such geniousness at Let's Panic's website.

One of the sections I found most enjoyable was Pregnancy Through the Ages. I mean with gems like these, how could you argue?:

"50 B.C. Julius Caesar is allegedly born by his-own-section; his mother, Aurelia, survives the crude operation while simultaneously inventing a salad.

1 A.D. An alleged virgin gives birth, claiming that the father is “God.” Zeus and the Holy Ghost have a good chuckle over the futility of paternity suits filed against supernatural entities.

1806 A.D. Doctors begin to think about washing their hands before attending to birthing women. It’s not so much to kill so-called “germs” as to drown the “infection fairies” and “puerperal fever pixies” in basins full of tainted well water."

Thank you to the glorious creators of this site, as I'm completely sick of people talking about pregnancy like it's some magical beautiful passageway to womanhood.

The bottom line is that I have a mutually beneficial relationship with blob-like creature inside me. And I love her very very much.

some wordy things I like

2011-04-20T10:33:00.001-06:00

While I haven't been too wordy myself these days, I certainly find wordy things that inspire me, make me think, take me back, or bring me home. I'll let you decide which type these qualify as.

Todd Thibaud - Suppose

2011-04-20T10:32:00.000-06:00

le sigh.

bye-bye diagonals

2011-04-12T09:36:00.000-06:00

Well, a great change as home to the streets of D-town. The elimination of the diagonal crosswalks. Sigh. My world is changing around me.

I guess I should have seen this coming. Change, that is.

June marks 5 years that I've here. Five. Whole. Years.

I remember when I first moved and was unhappy since I didn't know anybody...and I was hopeful to make it one year here before I moved. Then, something happened. Something I like to call enamorment. Is that a word? I don't care. I fell in love with Denver, from top to bottom. From buildings to diagonal crosswalks.

Anyone who visited me was so thrown off by the diagonal crosswalks that a conversation about them has happened on multiple occasions.

Ahhh, the memories of past visitors, youthful city nights, and crosswalk confusion.

You will be missed my cherished crosswalk friends.

And with your disappearance from this city, I suspect mine will soon follow.

My hoopty.

2011-04-06T09:09:00.000-06:00

Mr. Pickles is missing a hubcap.

I have no idea where he lost it. All I know is that he has also lost some self-respect, as he is partially nude.

Poor Mr. P. We'll find you some knew hubcappies soon.

children. sleeping. a different perspective.

2011-04-05T09:30:00.001-06:00

Via Awesomenator.

Even though I'm not a child, this seemed rather appropriate today. You see, I only got 4 hours of sleep. Not intentionally. I went to bed at a normal time, which would have allowed for 7 hours of sleep. But I was restless. So now I'm running on minimal caffeine and excitement for that wonderful moment when my head hits the pillow again tonight.

That being said, this photo series by photographer James Mollison is lovely. They are part of his book Where Children Sleep and show images of children alongside a picture of where they sleep and a blurb about them and their life. From the US to around the world, it's amazing how different each child's environment and culture shape the way they live, they way they grow up, and what eventually become their hopes and dreams.

Homeless in Italy.

Pageant girl in Kentucky.

Young worker in Nepal.

It's worth checking out. And thinking about next time you lay down in your comfy cozy bed. Even if you DO only get 4 hours of sleep.

those XX chromosomes

2011-03-30T15:27:00.000-06:00

Ohhh....to dream of Dos Equis beer in my tummy.

That will have to wait as the only XX in there are the chromosomes for my future baby girl. That's right folks. Montastic, the antithesis of pink, is having a little miss thang.

And I couldn't be more excited!

4 more months before I get to meet her, and 4 months to fend off the suffocating waves of pink that will inevitably drown me.

I mean, I'm not entirely opposed to the color. After all, it IS a little girl. I mean, I am currently working through a stack of neon pink post-its. So that's gotta mean something. Right? The problem with pink is that it has its pastel-y little hands gripped tightly on the baby industry. And it doesn't plan to let go. Pink is a bully.

I mean, of course future-baby can wear pink. She's a girl. Other people like to give pink things... And I'm sure that's all we'll get...as it's mostly what they make for baby ladies.

But the way I see it, it won't be for a while that she's able to tell us what she likes to wear and what color she likes. So until she can enunciate "pink," mama will opt for purple. or yellow. or green. or the rest of the rainbow.

Um, wants it.

2011-03-30T15:01:00.002-06:00

via the internets

Before I die...and things I wish that were.

2011-03-17T10:30:00.000-06:00

Gulp. Inspiration, at last! Thank you Candy Chang. From her website, "Candy Chang is a public installation artist, designer, urban planner, and co-founder of Civic Center who likes to make cities more comfortable for people."

Well, pretty much I fell in love with her installation "Before I Die."
She covered this ramshackle building:

with this brilliant fill-in-the-blank stencil:

And three short, humanity-driven days later, it filled up with magic.

Responses range from "have fun" to "create a life" to "go 200 mph" to "understand."

HOW. EFFING. COOL.

Her site details the project. Please check it out, as it's wonderful. She says that once the board fills up, they wash it clean and the process starts again. It's no surprise that other people have shown interest in her installation and putting it up elsewhere.

I'd love to have this on my wall, so I can add to it as I discover new life goals and desires. That being said, I really should start a list...mental or otherwise.

Another project of hers that is similarly interactive is her "I Wish This Was" installation.

Also simple, thought-provoking, and lovely.

What I love about this project, is that it's taken on its own life. Go to the site. Buy stickers. Stick 'em places. Use 'em. Love 'em.

Candy was inspired by her neighborhood in New Orleans, that still has many abandoned buildings and storefronts. Her installation helps give people a voice, and helps give us an look into the simple things people wish that were.

The nerd in me wants to point out that the grammatically correct sticker should read "I wish this were" as it's the proper subjunctive case. Yet she manages to even address that on her site, saying that she feels "was" is more conversational. Agree to disagree Candy, though I do agree that it's more conversational. and I heart you even more for acknowledging the grammar nazis.

Briangasm on a Thursday.

becoming human again, and hopefully female

2011-03-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm finally creeping back to reality after being sick for almost a week. And not just some sort of sniffly boohoo cold....a huge fever, flu, and now a severe cough.

I feel like over the last 6 days I've embodied each of the figures on the chart of evolution. In particular, the first two.

Saturday was the start of it all. I woke up hurting all over. I rolled around on the ground (like a chimp) whining about how much my joints hurt. I tried to stretch them out but that made it worse. Then my temperature jumped to over 102. Then I started sweating profusely and pretty much gave up all hope of being recognizable as a member of the human species.

Maybe it has something to do with the inability to walk from the couch to restroom (a seemingly endless 30 feet) without stopping at least once to literally cry in pain. Maybe it has something to do with shivering under 4 blankets while also sweating enough sweat to soak my clothes and soil my sense of femininity.

Well, whatever it was...it was very primal. And very ugly.

Now to pull myself back together and become human again. I'd say I'm at the second-to-last figure on the evolutionary chart. I don't know why I'm carrying a spear, but I'm sure I'll figure that out before too long.

A few handy steps to becoming a woman again:

1. removing the fur from your neglected legs (as long as you can muster the energy to do this)

2. deodorant, lotion, and other non-essential pretty-smelling things

3. using full sentences, instead of grunts, whines, and moans

4. put on a bra for crying out loud you dirty monkey woman

5. one well-constructed homemade latte to make you feel just a tad bit classier (you may have to put your spear down in order to do this)

These helpful hints brought to you by the almost-a-lady-again Montastic.

for all you popcorn-eatin' movie lovers

2011-02-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

150 of the most famous lines from movies....pretty cool how many you recognize.

In other news, February has not been an inspired month for blog posts. Hmm....what to do?

Bah humbug

2011-02-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

I don't like how my two different parking passes are red and green this month. They look like Christmas. And it is definitely not Christmas.

Also, if you are wearing red and green together ever--please be advised that it is NOT Christmas...
...unless of course, this red/green outfit occurs on Christmas Day, in which case...carry on.

Friday Funday Song Send-Off: Bust a Move

2011-02-04T09:37:00.002-07:00

No explanation needed. Happy Friday.

The Monmundo

2011-02-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, per the last post, Monmunda is combination of Montastic and mundo...implying that Montastic is as big as the world.

Ok, so fine. It's not that bad. I'm just into my second trimester, which means a couple things. First, it means I've gained a bunch of weight but don't look pregnant. Hence, Monmundo.

I'm ready to "pop," as they say, and actually look pregnant. Unfortunately that may not happen for a couple more months. Oh well. Instead I look like I've been partaking in too many gigantic jalapeno poppers and vats of real butter.

Ahhh, if only that were true. Drooooolz.

Instead, I'm creating life. Baby is about the size of lemon this week. And well, other than knowing that fact and being Monmundo, I don't feel pregnant at all. I'm no longer tired or remotely nauseous. I just...am.

The second thing that the second trimester means is that I'm that much closer to being a parent. What?! When did this happen?

Apparently around October 31st.

increased cheese payload

2011-01-27T09:34:00.001-07:00

Ok.... every single thing about this headline makes me happy. Every. Thing.

Of course, for those who know me...you know I'm particularly interested in the last line.

Hells yes. First of all, jalapeno poppers are probably the most amazing appetizer in the whole wide world. Cheesy, spicy (though not as spicy as I'd like), breaded, fried, poppin.

Secondly, cheese? Get outta town with that talk. You know what cheese does to me.

Third, the use of the world payload is a wordgasm. I work with automotive advertising, in which payload generally relates to thousands and thousands of pounds of goods. ie: a shitload of cheese.

Here's the article that details the brilliance of making poppers even larger. Why you ask? Increased cheese payload of course.

Within the article there's a link a different article that discusses the new pepper. The Jalmundo ! It's a contraction of the words jalapeno and mundo..."implying that it is as big as the world." Exaggerate much? Yes please.

Why did I think of that? Om nom nom nom... drooolz.

Butter is better

2011-01-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Check out this commercial....epic!

A few things -
1. I absolutely love love love looooooove omelets. Just ask anyone who has breakfasted with me. Om nom nom.
2. Leave it to some other country to make better commercials than us. Artistic, relevant, fabulosity.
3. I miss real butter. I haven't bought it or consumed it in a long time.
4. I'm hungry.

a Thursday jammer

2011-01-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Matchbox Twenty: How Far We've Come

Just heard this for the first time this morning on Pandora. Hawt! It got my foot tapping while I was cranking out some scripts. Before I knew it I was flying through the tasks on my to-do list.

Ahhh...today is a good day. I'm feeling very optimistic about life right now. What a great feeling, and a feel-great jammer.

Enjoy.

a feeling of accomplishment

2011-01-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

yesterday i made it through my blue stack of post-its.

i'll tell ya... it was one of those wonderful things in life. i felt like i achieved something with my day.

i have moved on to a brand new, neon green stack. so there.

Baby up in hurrrr!

2011-01-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

To my readers---guess what?? We're having a baby!

That's the big news for 2011. That's why this year is going to be great! There's going to be a little miss or a little mister coming into my life.

Can't wait for our little duckling to wear these fab new University of Oregon onesies from their uncle-to-be!

eye spy

2011-01-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

These are soooooooo cool. They are extreme close-up of eyes by photographer/artist Suren Manvelyan . I've never seen eyes photographed this way--showing such detail of the eye's surface. Simply. Awesome.

I don't know. maybe you'll think they are kind of weird. I find them amazing. The human body is so complex. I bet everyone's eyes have their own unique surface shape too...like a fingerprint.

Rad!

Check 'em out for yourself.

Help Yourself - The Devil Makes Three

2011-01-06T10:49:00.001-07:00

not a new band discovery...and oldie, but a super duper goodie.

I needa get their album. I mean shoooooot. I've been hearting them fo-eva.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

6 days late, but whatever. As if you were waiting with bated breath to see what Montastic insights I'd be bringing to the first few days of the new year.

First of all, 2010. I don't know about you but for me, I barely blinked and it was over. Engagement, traveling, walking, fundraising, wedding, over. Phew. What a wonderful year it was. All 2 seconds of it.

Now, 2011.

So far this year...

...I was barely able to stay awake until midnight.
...I've been trying to discover new music.
...I'm extremely excited for my BFF Borq's wedding plans.
...I fall more and more in love with my kitty--so presh!
...and my husband.
...It FINALLY snowed D-town, hooray!
...we bought a couple dressers.

Basically 2011 isn't anything special yet...but just. you. wait.

watch out for big noodles

2011-01-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

both time and experience lead me to giggle at this.

teehee.

And to think I was worried the internet ran out of entertainment.

2010-12-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

Oh my goats.

A very special thanks to Ms Chaseypoo for showing me this season-appropriate, smile-bringing, always relevant, goat-inspired video.

What a wonderful holiday it shall be. I'll be leaving good ol' Coloradical for Ptown and then CA--a whirlwind of family visits and Christmas cheer. I'm looking forward to it really starting to feel like like Christmas.

Usually, Denver is deep in the midst of a white Christmas by now. In fact, the mountains have been getting hammered with record snow lately. But for some odd reason the snow hasn't come down from the mountains. It was almost 70 this past weekend! A good 30 degrees above normal. That just wont do! What a bunch of BS that was. Don't the skies known that I love Mr Winter and snowfall?

I need snow dammit. So, Santa? Can you please bring those damn white fluffy holly jolly snow clouds to the metro area, please?

What a busy and Montastic year it has been. I got some fab life plans going on right now (more news on that after the holidays) and I can't wait for next year!

Tips for Single Ladies (circa 1938)

2010-12-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love these! I don't know what publication they are originally from, but what lovely tips on luring in men.

Two of my favorites:

Whatever you do, don't talk while dancing you careless female! I didn't know that when men dance, they just want to dance. Good to know. I heart men who boogy. And now I know not to talk to them while they do it. Excellent.

"He doesn't want to be working on his emotions." Too perfect. This guy is so manly. He dances without talking, and he hates tears. I can basically smell the testosterone from here.

I'd be curious to see what the "Tips for Single Ladies" would be for today. Any ideas?

my 2010 Breast Cancer 3-day recap

2010-12-07T11:39:00.001-07:00

This year I walked again (a 2peat walker!) in the Komen 3-Day Breast Cancer walk.
And, it's safe to say that this year's walk was MUCH different than last year. And by that I mean it was much rainier and colder!

See if you can tell which picture is from this year, and which is from last year.

So obviously the pictures on the left are last year. Bright, sunny, tank tops. And the pictures on the right were this year. Gray, rainy, layers.

But, do not be fooled. I loved every minute of it. Well, except this minute.

Ok fine. Even this was memorable... Day 2 of the walk was filled with pouring rain--almost 9 hours of straight rain to keep us company on our walk. Brr!

I've never done that much while being that wet. It's "one for the books" as they say.

Day 1 was breezy and cool, and day 3 was a roller coaster of different types of weather--yes, including rain.

I walked as captain of my team, Too Sexy. Everyone did amazing and walked every mile. We all met our fundraising goals and collectively raised over $26,000. Wowie wowie.

I loved walking this year. I had my mom and aunt by my side. We even all wore the same head wraps. Check out these hotties.

Some highlights of the rainy, windy, love-filled 2010 3-Day Walk

My team (5 of us who were repeat walkers) showing up dressed in TONS of pink – much more pink than last year.
My mom’s bouncing fanny anytime she heard music blasting from all of the people cheering us on.
The San Diego and San Jose bike cops who kept it silly and light-hearted, even when the rain wouldn’t let up.
The man handing out 7&7 shots (whiskey and 7-up). Mmmm!
My aunt Carmen’s laughter and silliness as she kicked butt as a first time walker (and didn’t get a SINGLE blister).
Cramming into small school busses to eat lunch, just to get out of the rain for a few minutes.
Waiting for my flight home and being congratulated by 5 other walkers in the airport.
Being able to push through all the rain and cold and mud!

To my team, I'm so proud of you.
To my aunt, I love you and you make me smile.
To my mom, I can't believe you did better than me on the walk...again. And fine, I love you too.

Thank you to all my donors and supporters for making this year possible.

ok, some more dancing.

2010-12-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

A lovely compilation of movie clips featuring loads o' people with their dancepants on. Gotta love it.

Methinks I needa go dancing. Hmm...

gotta love the human spirit

2010-12-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

So, I've been slacking in the post department lately. Whoops.

I stumbled across this video this morning. And it made me smile.

A street performer. An unbridled jam session. Some impromptu dancing.

Basically, this is fantastic. Happy Tuesday.

Oh yes. You never can tell.

2010-11-18T08:18:00.001-07:00

A little Chuck Berry to set the mood as I prepare to take off to San Diego today.

ready to walk!

2010-11-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

So it's finally here! The 2010 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the cure! I fly out tomorrow to San Diego to start walking bright and early on Friday morning.

My team has raised almost $26,000 dollars for the cure! I can't believe it. I'm so excited and so ready to be the captain of Team Too Sexy, and to clock another 60 miles for the cause.

I finished up my donor ribbons today. I'm wearing a ribbon to represent each person who donated to my walk. The dark ribbons represent the 3 women I'm walking in honor of as well.

The forecast says it's going to rain off and on. So that means wet, hot walkers. Awww yeah. I better wear white.

Let's go team! Here's to an even better walk than last year!

The morning Storm.

2010-11-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

First off all, I love you kitty. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you were a little shithead this morning.

Meowing before the sun came up? Really? You've never done this before, and we lock you out of the bedroom every night. Not only that, but you didn't shut up. Shithead.

Then, when I got you joyfully ran into my arms for some love. Then you released one of the grosser cat farts known to man. But no no no, not to be outdone by other cat farts, you made sure to LEAK something on me while cat farting. So now I smelled you, and saw what it was I was smelling. Shitbutt.

Then, as I was getting ready you made the stinkiest pile o' waste in the litterbox. I can't blame you for that. It was only natural. But I already had your butt juice on me, so I was a little annoyed. Shitbutt.

Trying not be, I let you back on my lap again. But in trying to position yourself, you slipped. This of course caused you to dig your nails into my legs as you slipped down... leaving two bloody irrigation tracks on my legs. You cut me deep Storm. On accident. But still. Shithead.

Then, you had the audacity to just lay on the bed while I changed...AND PURR. That's right, you just purred and were cute.

Awwww. My widdle kitty witty cat! I wuv you still.

autumn autobot

2010-11-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

This morning was a pain in the ass for a number of reasons (and by that I mean one reason and that reason is Storm...we'll get to that in the next post).

However it was the second snowfall in Denver....but the FIRST snow to stick. And looksy what it did to my car... a light dusting. And I'm pretty sure the hood pattern means my car is an autobot and will protect me when the deceptacons take over...obviously.

Two apples high. And blue.

2010-11-03T09:29:00.000-06:00

For anyone who got the "two apples high" reference. I salute you.

So basically it started something like this...

Instantly itchy. Instantly wondering how I would ever be able to get enough blue on my face.

It ended up something like this....

Nothing to see here but a whimsical smurfette, smelling the roses.

Halloween was quite the spectacle. Gotta love all the rad halloween costumes. The only thing I missed was being able to hand out candy to all the wee ones all dressed to the max.

Friday Funday Song Send-Off

2010-10-29T14:08:00.001-06:00

No explanation needed:

Tonight I shall two apples high and blue. Pictures to come. Maybe.

a must-have

2010-10-28T10:17:00.000-06:00

Maybe you recall that a while ago I asked for blog topics. Well, only one person, a Mr. Anon Ymous gave me a suggestion.
This:

Thanks for the suggestion mystery person! I didn't forget about you. But how could I find THE most pointless and crazy object on the internet. I've been looking. Waiting. Hoping. What is something that has absolutely no business in my life? Yet something I still MUST have.

GASP! I found it. That's right. Car Lashes.

From the site:
"Carlashes™ eyelashes and crystal eyeliner are the newest hot products for your car. The trademark Carlashes™ is a new automotive aftermarket brand created to allow cars to be personalized with a feminine touch."

Oh thank goodness. There is nothing Mr Pickles needs more than feminine touch. Particularly the added flare of crystal eyeliner.

Plus hellloooooooo. I'm this girls spitting image. A playful shrug, mouth agape, and pink shirt? Get outta town, we could be twins!

So, the top 3 reasons I must have these:

3. Even though Mr Pickles is a mister, I've always liked guys with long eyelashes.
2. You know me, always looking for a way to be girlier. Gigglez!
1. Winkface.

This just in: reason #1 doesn't make any sense. Then again, neither do eyelashes on my hoopty.

People are Awesome.

2010-10-27T09:41:00.001-06:00

Hells to the yes. Talk about inspiring. Nothing like some sweet clips of people being generally awesome to make me want to ....um... I don't know...do something generally awesome.

Now to brainstorm what that could be! Enjoy.

I heart the smell of Pine-Sol®

2010-10-26T10:51:00.000-06:00

Here goes nothing...my deepest confession.

I love the smell of original Pine-Sol® (and the use of the registered mark).

And not just love in the like kinda way. Not just love like I love movies or the color yellow.

The kind of love like I love Taco Bell. Like I love boogying. THAT kind of love.

So naturally I felt the urge to blog about it. And decided that, to enrich my post, and thus my readers' lives, I would search for my love of the smell online. And what to my wondering autofill did appear?

This:

Oh google. You cut to the core of me. I DO love the smell of skunk and sweaty balls. I mean anyone who doesn't is likely lying to you.

I also discovered in my search that my fellow hearters of Pine-Sol® have a facebook page.

Other learnings:

- In addition to my fave, the classic scent, there are 6 other Pine-Sol® scents.

- Pine-Sol® has a section of its own website dedicated to hearters. And yes, they use a heart instead of the word love.

- Preggos crave the smell.

- There are abuse prevention groups for this kind of thing.

In the words of spokeswoman Diane Amos, aka The Pine-Sol® Lady...

THAT'S THE POWER OF PINE-SOL®, BABY!

Lastly, this:

Ahhh....Tuesday.

words words words... beautiful things

2010-10-20T10:51:00.000-06:00

I must say I didn't expect to actually watch all 6 and a half minutes of this. Because, let's face it, kinetic type treatment is being largely over done these days.

But damn if I didn't love the nerdiness of what he was saying.

Sigh. Thank you Stephen Fry, you've excited my nerd muscle.

Have a lovely day, will ya?

2010-10-13T10:30:00.001-06:00

Oh the parking garage.

2010-10-11T10:23:00.000-06:00

Let me start by saying that I very much appreciate that my work pays for my parking. I would hate to have to pay ridiculous daily parking rates in downtown. And by "hate to" I mean I wouldn't be able to afford it and I'd have to hitchhike to work everyday and mingle with the good samaritans who offered me rides. And by good samaritans I mean creeps.

So my parking garage. It's old. Very old. I'm talking elevators you have to open a huge metal door to get into. I'm talking lime that leaks from the ceilings--to the extent that lime stalagtites dance off the ceiling, and their counterparts, the lime stalagmites, rise from the cracked, broken, pot-hole filled floor.

And the smell. It smells like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. That kind of musty, motor-oil scented, old breathy smell.

Family fun for all ages.

You'd think the shattered windows on each level would release some of this stank. Not so.

There are 7 floors of this. The first is useless. The second and third are valet parking for a nearby hotel. Four is ok, but always full by the time I get here. Five and Six are under construction--that's right. The building is falling apart so I'm greeted each morning by the soothing sound of jackhammers...digging up around the support beams, and the smell of fresh asphalt filling the holes back up. Maybe it's just me but if there is not enough support, should I really be parking there?

And floor seven. The roof. Fine during the day. A dark, light-flickering, lamp-buzzing, watch-your-back, thrills-around-each-corner adventure at night.

But hark--look what I found on that tharrr roof! Art! Urban art!

And not just some art---a t-rex. An effing tyrannosaurus rex! With smoke plumes out da mouth! Plumes I say!
Fine parking garage. I kind of don't hate you today.

SRLSY.. love dem goats

2010-10-07T09:14:00.000-06:00

this is just sad. poor lil goaty goat.

Happy Hump Day!

2010-10-06T09:47:00.001-06:00

Nothing like a dance party on a wednesday. Friday is almost here. Almost...

Storm's here!

2010-10-04T09:52:00.000-06:00

And by Storm, I of course mean our new bitty kitty!

She is about 10 weeks old and we adopted her this weekend. AWWWWWWWWWW!

Cutie-pie alert! She's quite the best little kitten. She used her litter box the first time she had to go. She is a snugglypants. And she was quiet all night. Basically I'm in love.

Her shelter name was Tiger Lily. That wouldn't do. How girly is that nonsense?

We renamed her Storm.

Now let's just hope the name isn't a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein Storm becomes a 13oz ball of mass destruction.

me wanty these pendants

2010-09-30T11:27:00.000-06:00

Ok yes. I have a problem. A jewelry problem. I have a lot. Ok...ok.. I have ton.
I acquire it often, and desire it always.

Well, I was perusing Etsy today and found myself on one of my favorite seller 's pages. How could I have forgotten about it? I've ALWAYS wanted pretty much every pendant this seller has. Though I've never purchased any as it requires disposable income I'd much prefer to use on necessities (morning java, chapstick, cheetos, and jewelry I don't have to wait for in the mail).

Either way, check it out . Here's a quick designgasm screengrab of some of the pendants. SQUEAL!

I mean are you kidding me??? Branches, birdies, lines, circles, swirlies. All my faves.

Hopefully one or two of your faves as well.

oh ya. i feel sexy.

2010-09-28T10:13:00.000-06:00

there is just something about my favorito pair of running shorts

a new sports bra

and a plain black cami

ah yes.. I call this the trifecta of sexiness.

Maybe it's because the form-fitting fabric helps squeeze in a few of my rolls. Maybe it's because it makes me feel like a healthier person. Maybe because the running shorts are the perfect length to show of my stems. Or maybe it's just because I sweat out pure pheromones. That's probably it.

Either way, I'll take workout clothes over skimpy clothes 9 days out of 10.

On the 10th day I'll be the one in oversized sweatpants and leg hair.

Friday Fun Day Song Send-Off: Chicken Fried (oh ya...I'm talkin country)

2010-09-24T09:43:00.000-06:00

Now I'm not a huge country fan. But for some reason I heard this song on the way to work today and it just put me in a happy go lucky mood.

Plus I'm going to have some cold beer on this Friday night. So...there you have it.

It's fall. I'm dehydrated and chunky.

2010-09-23T14:50:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite seasons is upon us (as if there are so many to choose from). And my am I parched! The weather change in D-town is definitely noticeable. The dry cold starts to swirl into my life as all moisture peels off my face. I can't help but to slurp down more and more water.

The onset of autumn is marked not only by fun jackets and colorful scarves, but my constant trips to the bathroom. Ahhh, 'tis the season of new fashion and stall #2.

As far as the chunky...suffice it to say that I won't be in any danger of freezing this winter. I've subconsciously insulated myself with 20 new pounds of cold-weather protection.

Darn that weight. I can blame it on a number of things. But really, I have stopped working out as much, and I'm fattly in love. Relationships...the real diet screwer uppers.

So as much as I like being fattly in love, I much prefer my colorful fall scarves to loop around my neck twice, instead of just once. Time to bid adieu to my extra chins, my faithful companions of yore.

If you're paying attention, fall means 3 things for Montastic.

1. scarves
2. toilets
3. sweat

Also, it means Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Lordy lordy. Umm...non-fat milk please.

Blog topics?

2010-09-22T13:59:00.000-06:00

To my followers/readers ...all two or three of you...

Please suggest a blog topic. Get me out of this writers block. Suggest it, I'll write it.

Pretty please and pretty thank you.

Loads of Love,
Montastic

Soul Pancaking my way back into blogging

2010-09-22T13:28:00.000-06:00

Let's get this blog going again, shall we? And by we I mean me.

Shall me get it going again? Me shall.

Well, easier said than done. I got nothing going on in this brain of mine. So, once again I turn to trusty dusty Soul Pancake and its "Life's Little Lists" to get my creative juices drippin.

3 things that recently reminded me that i'm not getting any younger:
- i'm a wife
- cottage cheese butt
- gray hairs sprouting

Hrmm. That wasn't inspiring. It was a downright drab. Moving on.

chocolate cookies

2010-09-13T16:03:00.000-06:00

tiny dancer

2010-08-30T12:07:00.000-06:00

just a little preview of why i'm marrying this man.

4 days and counting!

Bella and Brutta will have to hold off for a couple weeks while i go get me a husband!

Oh bother! A Winnie the Pooh quote

2010-08-24T09:52:00.000-06:00

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called."
-A. A. Milne

lovely.

Don't be a taupe.

2010-08-23T18:59:00.000-06:00

So tonight, I have some free time before my soccer game. It's not until 9:30... yuck.

Anyhoo, the hubs-to-be is at a game, and I thought it would be a good time to paint my nails. Duh.

What, oh what, do I paint my nails to celebrate my last week as an unmarried woman? Well, this color of course:

Perfect!

I was eager to look at the name of the color--being a lover of words, clever titles, nail polish, et al.

It went something like this... Grab the bottle. Flip it over. What the eff??

Neon Melon.

Really?? Really Sinful Colors?? Neon Melon? What does that do for me? Nothing. It does nothing.

Though I cant really say what I expected the nailpolish color to tell me on this momentous week in my life.
Ball and Chain?
I do?
Run For The Hills?
End of an Era?

Well, even with this disappointment, it got me thinking. Why did I need to celebrate with such a loud, poorly-named color? I mean, it IS a new bottle of polish. And I certainly don't plan to change up my color routine just because I'll be going from a Ms. to a Mrs.

It's not like I'm going to spiral into an abyss of taupe and clear coats. Gross. Not me, no way.

It's not like I need some silly wild color to act as a rite of passage from wild-woman-of-the-streets to matronly-wife-of-the-kitchen.

It's not like I plan to throw out this fantastic new bottle of less-than-fantastically-titled polish.

It's not like there was any real reason for blogging about this.

In other news, I also just painted my toenails the same color. So there.

it's a good thing I'm fluent in Stiletto.

2010-08-13T08:28:00.000-06:00

These stilettos to be specific:

Ahh, the bachelorette party. Featuring yours truly--and 9 of my best ladies. And a stellar performance in stiletto proficiency. Giggling and scampering around downtown with heels is not necessarily the best idea while wearing evil little spikes on your feet. Then again, neither is wearing them and scaling a giant Pegasus statue.

First--my bridal party. If were Snow White and they were my gang of dwarves they would most obviously be Girly, Giggly, Rangy, and Nana.
And they. are. amazing.

Girly is obvs my MOH and cousin.

Thanks to her I was able to get my hurrrr did. And she was there to pick up the pieces when my emotions got the best me. But mainly she was there to pick up the other shot glass when it was party time. Love the sister I never had!

Giggly is Chase. Rangy is my gingerly Shannon, and of course Nana is the wee and mighty Robyn.

BRIDESMAIDS! UNITE!

Toss in some posse ladies, a few friends from Denver and one lovely coworker and something tells me that D-town never saw it coming.

I have to say that having all these ladies here really made me miss having all these ladies in one place! 3 from CA. 2 from OR. The rest in CO. Goodness deary me I just don't know where I should live!

Girly made a good observation that each stage of my life was represented by the peeps. My childhood by her, my awkward nerdy chubby highschool years by the posse, my blossoming collegiate days by Giggly and Nana, and my Denver adulthood days by the CO peeps and Rangy.

Cheers to that!

Best game of the night involved the light-up rings. The rules are simple. Montastic yells ACTIVATE. The last to activate has to take a shot. Classiness is never beyond me.
ACTIVAAAAAAAATE!

The weekend was like a big girly, drunken, silly, sweet, hilarious, special 72-hour hug! Thanks to all.

It's safe to say that I am now mentally prepped for being a wifey.

On to the next celebration. My big day!

Song o' the weekend

Even though we ain't got money

2010-08-12T09:25:00.000-06:00

Here is some handy dandy math to most concisely explain my point:

saving for a wedding + billsbillsbills + fiance = "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey."

Here are a few budget-friendly things that light up my broke-and-saving-for-a-wedding self:

- black coffee at home vs lattes out
- coupons vs full price
- free tickets vs notfree tickets
- inventing new recipes with whatever is in the cupboard vs buying ingredients for the same old meal
- dollar menus vs more-than-dollar menus
- pandora's free music stream vs buying music
- phone calls vs travel
- walks/hikes vs going out to lunch or dinner
- cheap light beer vs microbrews
- using up lotions/soaps/makeup etc vs buying new products just to try them
- finally taking my joint supplements vs buying more paid meds for my knees
- creating vs consuming

As wonderful as life is...here's to dreaming about life after the wedding budget crunch.

"Now I see a family where there once was none, now we've just begun,
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun."

Awkward Stock Photos

2010-08-10T13:48:00.000-06:00

Working in the advertising industry-- stock photos are something that we use. But as a result, they are also something I notice on really poorly put together advertisements. Either advertisements with no concept (ie: pretty frolicking animals advertising insurance companies, soaring eagles advertising college) or advertisements with a terrible see-and-say (ie: a man leaping with a headline reading "leap into a new career.").

Regardless, I notice them.

Which is why Awkward Stock Photos is just the best. Simple premise--a site dedicated to the most awkward stock photos on some of the most popular stock photography sites. So silly. A couple favs:

Ahhh to be awkward. Loves it!

Seriously the last picture has me cracking up.

sweet rainy dance moves

2010-07-27T15:20:00.000-06:00

this is beyond awesome. completely hypnotic.
plain ol' natural talent. gotta love it.

no, seriously. you have to love it. or else.

birdbrain

2010-07-22T14:25:00.001-06:00

lately I've been really drawn to bird jewelry. in fact, i had been looking at pendants for a while. i never bought any, seeing as how i've been saving to get hitched and whatnot.

well, i was in the bay area over the 4th, spending some quality time with the mamasita. we were perusing jewelry, as we usually do. there was a pendant/necklace which i was drawn to, per the recent attraction to bird-inspired pieces. mamasita treated me to it.

why birds? i have no idea. they are pretty cool when it comes to symbology--freedom, the soul, connection between the earth and the heavens, etc.

who knows. all i know is that i enjoy this handmade piece mucho.

other recent jewelry style interests:
trees/branches
leaves

maybe i just needa get outdoors more.

new music crush - Joshua James

2010-07-22T10:09:00.000-06:00

"Another day it's all the same. Another way to make it sane."
My word, how fortunate to stumble across Joshua James yesterday.

I like his easy listening 'tude. His scratchy voice. There something. I'm not sure what it is but, well, I like it a lot.

So naturally I starting perusing a bunch of his songs. Turns out most have a darker story tell. Whether it's violence, drugs, religion. Hmm. Not necessarily my lyrical cup of tea, but nonetheless, I wanted to know more.

Naturally I landed on his myspace page where he expains "I find solace and beauty in darkness and depression...Perhaps the darkness comes out a little more often that I’d like, but that’s just where I gravitate to when I’m writing."

Word.

I definitely get that. Back in high school I wrote a lot of poetry and things during the free-writing classroom exercises...or even at home in my own spare time. And, for some reason, most of it was dark. I wrote about death or suicide, alcohol abuse, pain, tears, etc. Mind you I never thought about suicide, I was unfamiliar with death and still felt invincible, hardly anyone in my family drank, and I wasn't a completely unhappy person. No idea why I wrote like that. But it was what moved me. It was what I felt. It was went from my mind, through the pen, to the paper.

Oh Joshua James, I get it.

film classics on the vuvuzela

2010-07-21T10:00:00.000-06:00

this makes me laugh. hahaha. for no pinpoint-able reason except perhaps fatigue and low coffee-intake.

hair, hair, everywhere.

2010-07-21T09:42:00.001-06:00

ok maybe just on my arm. somewhere on the back of my arm. somewhere i can't see or feel.

some rascally strand of hair has managed to escape my scalp and relocate to my arm. and it tickles. and it annoys me. and i can't find it. and it is pissing me off.

i likely look like a fool as i keep violently grabbing back there when i think i know where it is. i almost feel like i have to sneak up on it so the wind generated by my quick attacks doesn't blow it into a new hiding spot.

i'll get you my pretty. just you wait.

word math

2010-07-20T15:29:00.001-06:00

New Math is a pretty clever widdle site featuring random equations by Craig Damrauer. Check it out.

My love for words and visual representations of words is something you probably already know. But ahhh, to add math to the equation (no pun intended).

Enjoy.

Simple. Clever. New Math.

Catalog Living

2010-07-13T10:31:00.000-06:00

I stumbled across a gem of a website last week. It makes me crack a smile most days. It's called Catalog Living. It pokes fun at some of the ridiculous decorations and design you see in catalogs. (Largely Pottery Barn featured).

Pretty clever stuff. Wish I had thought of it. Here's a small peek into the lives of the lives of Elaine and Gary, a couple who lives in your catalog's world. Enjoy.

please read this. and use apostrophes properly.

2010-07-08T14:30:00.000-06:00

This is a must-read. Sure maybe I'm a grammar snob. But if you can't properly use an apostrophe I can't properly respect you.

I feel like the apostrophe is a relatively simple thing to master. Not unlike comma usage or quotation marks.

Maybe, thats' just, "me."

boyish hips and pancake boobs

2010-07-01T14:49:00.000-06:00

the former is a trait of mine. the latter is a symptom of a different trait.

clothes shopping. ok ok ok. so i haven't done it in months (saving every last penny for the big day and whatnot).

however when i used to partake in such self-indulging activities (like buying fresh socks and the occasional pair of pants) my boyish hips made finding pants a pain. not to be confused with the general pain and lack of flexibility my boyish hips already suffer from.

lordy help me if i have a giant-headed baby. which i'm sure i will because i also have a very large head. 7 5/8 for those of you who know hat sizes. a monster melon atop my slender feminine lovely neck.

that's besides the point.

hips. boyish. narrow.
legs. skinny. long.
most pantolones do one of two things:
1. fit my hips/thighs perfectly and squish my tumzo until my muffin top runneth over. not QUITE the summer trend.
2. fit my waist/tumzo perfectly and sag around my pencil legs... leaving plenty of room if i wanted to go to the local market and smuggle loaves of breads in my pant legs. boo.

enough about that. on to pancake boobs.

i have boobs. biggish? maybe. one thing i know i DO have is a barrel of a rib cage. if you were carnivorous you could feast my rack o' ribs for a month, feeding your family of 5.

so...problemo. all the damn cutesy crap in the stores are made for normal rib-caged ladies. but apparantly these women also have no jubblies.

a recent situation i encountered was a cute lil' summer dress that was given to me on my birfday. size: medium. fantastico! just my size.

over the head it went. and along with it went a number of threads as my barrel o' ribs forced itself into the seams. snap snap snap. alas. i got it on. hooray. well, sort of. this is where the pancake boobs come in.

they were smooshed. battered and squeezed flat..pancaking them to a flatness that, with my boyish hips, would confuse most people as to my gender. mother effer. sorry gifter of said dress. i had to return it (after i tried to exchange for a large only to encounter slightly less flat pancake boobs and one or two less busted threads).

le sigh.

boy hips. pancake boobs. and thus is the plight of montastic.