Chase: are you still sick?
me: ya my stomach is fucked up
Chase: bummer
me: ya fo realz
Chase: have you had peanut butter lately?
me: nope
Chase: hmmmm have you pooped lately? Im going to diagnose you. is it a sharp pain
me: ya
Chase: or more like grumbling? sharp? and particular side?
me: sharp grumbling high...like right under my ribs
Chase: ok...you have a punctured lung
me: oh fuck! that sounds serious
Dr Chase in da house!
Please note: NEVER trust Dr. Chase.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
but honey, he's great at parties
perusing craigslist, per the usual, i found the perfect pet to gift my manlove.
he's great at parties and doesn't poop huge loads. oh, and he's a wombat.
he's great at parties and doesn't poop huge loads. oh, and he's a wombat.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
another sign you're tired
you make toast with cinnamon and sugar on top.
then realize (only after having bitten into the toast) that you accidentally grabbed the cumin instead of cinnamon.
gross-o.
then realize (only after having bitten into the toast) that you accidentally grabbed the cumin instead of cinnamon.
gross-o.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
wednesday things
Q:
the length of my hair is to stupid as
stupid is to ______________
A:
the length of my hair
Dear Bum With "Visions of an Egg McMuffin" Sign,
You and me both brosef! Those things aren't cheap. And yet I love them. I actually was going to go get one this morning, for funsies, then realized they're over $3. So I decided not to. Sausage McMuffins are only $1. Unfortunately I don't like those as much. What I'm trying to say, mr bum, is that you should change your sign to "Visions of a Sausage McMuffin." It'll be much less overwhelming to the McMuffin-wise driver because they'll think you only want one of their hard-earned dollars instead of three. Then again, if you also dislike the sausage variety McMuffin, please disregard my words and carry on my wayward son.
Sincerely,
Montastic
If you haven't seen Shannon wear an irish flag as a cape out to the bars, incorporate it into her dance moves, and run rapidly in place to simulate the speed necessary to make the cape flap in the wind....then you clearly cannot understand why her and I should be friends foeva.
Weird: buying celery and ranch at the store because someone else makes it sound so good, even though you strongly dislike celery...then realizing the idiocy of this the second you start driving home and smell the celery in the car. ugh.
Weirder: telling your brother you feel ready to start a family
Weirdest: goat eyes
the length of my hair is to stupid as
stupid is to ______________
A:
the length of my hair
Dear Bum With "Visions of an Egg McMuffin" Sign,
You and me both brosef! Those things aren't cheap. And yet I love them. I actually was going to go get one this morning, for funsies, then realized they're over $3. So I decided not to. Sausage McMuffins are only $1. Unfortunately I don't like those as much. What I'm trying to say, mr bum, is that you should change your sign to "Visions of a Sausage McMuffin." It'll be much less overwhelming to the McMuffin-wise driver because they'll think you only want one of their hard-earned dollars instead of three. Then again, if you also dislike the sausage variety McMuffin, please disregard my words and carry on my wayward son.
Sincerely,
Montastic
If you haven't seen Shannon wear an irish flag as a cape out to the bars, incorporate it into her dance moves, and run rapidly in place to simulate the speed necessary to make the cape flap in the wind....then you clearly cannot understand why her and I should be friends foeva.
Weird: buying celery and ranch at the store because someone else makes it sound so good, even though you strongly dislike celery...then realizing the idiocy of this the second you start driving home and smell the celery in the car. ugh.
Weirder: telling your brother you feel ready to start a family
Weirdest: goat eyes
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
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