Thursday, August 25, 2011

read what?

I've been walking. A lot. Most of the time, like today, I walk on a trail that runs along a creek.
This means two things:
1. My ass is toning nicely, obviously.
2. Not much changes when it comes to the scenery.

Today though, I saw a sticker on a sign. From far away it read "READ BOOKS." Upon closer inspection it turned out to be something much more fantastic.
 Point taken. And bravo the good use of profanity--I'm a fan.

Also,  I don't remember the last time I read a really good book. Or read any book for pleasure for that matter.

Rats! So much for the intellectual persona I try to maintain. Better head to the bookstore.

Monday, August 15, 2011

the maiden voyage, 51 pounds, hot flashes

Today I took my sweet new kicks for their maiden voyage - a jog at the gym. I had planned to be on the treadmill for 30 minutes, with baby by my side (sound asleep in the carseat). Well, that soundasleepness only lasted about 17 minutes and then apparently it was time for a change of scenery.

So walking we went. Me. Babe. Roboknee. Aforementioned sweet new kicks.

Here's the deal. Montastic ballooned while pregnant. A jollier 51 pounds in fact.

Granted a lot of that was gone once the baby made her great escape. So we're looking at about, oh...hmm.. 19 pounds left to go to pre-baby weight. 30 to wedding weight. 40 to happy Montastic weight. And 110 to Kelly Ripa weight. Seriously have you seen her? Skeletal. No thank you. I like hot dogs too much.

Anyway, I don't think anyone tells you about the ghastly trainwreck of a body you are left with after having a baby. For the delicious details of the destruction...go somewhere else. This isn't that kind of blog. As much as most new moms enjoy the oversharing of deets (of which I've heard plenty), I'm not most new moms. Suffice to say that swollen extremities and stretch marks will be destroyed.

Oh and you get hot flashes at 27 years old. So while I'm plodding along with SNK (sweet new kicks), my newer, spongier belly jiggles in the summer breeze, and a trail of hot-flashy sweat is left in my wake.

So here's to you SNK. Help me clean up this trainwreck and get back to the glamorous. Ooh the flossy flossy.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


I'm starting to feel the itch. The itch to go boogy.

If my calculations are correct, I have not been boogying in oh...10 months?

Better start practicing my sick moves in front of el babe.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

oh that's right, i had a baby.

Appropriate that my last post was about my post-baby body. That same day I went in for a routine preggo appointment and came home 4 days later with a baby. I ended up needing to be watched overnight that night at the hospital. The next day I was told I would be induced. And the next day I had a baby.

No big deal.

Crazy to think I wasn't even due until this past Sunday. Instead, I have a 3.5 week old. Wowie Kazowie.

So, motherhood you ask?

Not what I expected. Then again, neither was the whole having-the-baby process. Minor medical complications and a 4-night hospital stay coupled with the abrupt news that the baby would be here 3 weeks earlier than planned pretty much threw me right into the gauntlet.

Thank goodness she's OHMYGOSH soooo cute!

Annnnnd, now I'm on maternity leave for a number of weeks. Admittedly, I've become a regular dairy farm. And amidst the lactose-o-rama and hundreds of poop-bombs...Montastic needs a new a hobby.

Requirements for said hobby:
1. Can be done in 2-hour increments (or less).
2. Can be paused at any moment.
3. Is really inexpensive and/or free.
4. Is preferably creative (reading books, for example, is a terrible suggestion.)
5. Requires me to use my brain.
6. Is something for just me, unrelated to babyness or motherhood.

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?