Monday, August 15, 2011

the maiden voyage, 51 pounds, hot flashes

Today I took my sweet new kicks for their maiden voyage - a jog at the gym. I had planned to be on the treadmill for 30 minutes, with baby by my side (sound asleep in the carseat). Well, that soundasleepness only lasted about 17 minutes and then apparently it was time for a change of scenery.

So walking we went. Me. Babe. Roboknee. Aforementioned sweet new kicks.

Here's the deal. Montastic ballooned while pregnant. A jollier 51 pounds in fact.

Granted a lot of that was gone once the baby made her great escape. So we're looking at about, oh...hmm.. 19 pounds left to go to pre-baby weight. 30 to wedding weight. 40 to happy Montastic weight. And 110 to Kelly Ripa weight. Seriously have you seen her? Skeletal. No thank you. I like hot dogs too much.

Anyway, I don't think anyone tells you about the ghastly trainwreck of a body you are left with after having a baby. For the delicious details of the destruction...go somewhere else. This isn't that kind of blog. As much as most new moms enjoy the oversharing of deets (of which I've heard plenty), I'm not most new moms. Suffice to say that swollen extremities and stretch marks will be destroyed.

Oh and you get hot flashes at 27 years old. So while I'm plodding along with SNK (sweet new kicks), my newer, spongier belly jiggles in the summer breeze, and a trail of hot-flashy sweat is left in my wake.

So here's to you SNK. Help me clean up this trainwreck and get back to the glamorous. Ooh the flossy flossy.

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