Friday, February 17, 2012

my little ferret

I searched for a babyproofing kit online.

Naturally the 16th result was this:

I guess she's kind of like a ferret-- very playful and likes to poop in corners.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

people are nice

I think I forgot that. That people are nice. I mean I always try to be nice. I hold doors. Make friendly conversation when I'm checking out at the store. Let drivers into my lane. Say excuse me, please, thank you. Give compliments. Etc.

But then silly little petty crap happens that makes me wonder why I'm so nice. Example: I'm buying coffee for me and a friend. And I'm lugging around a baby carrier. When my two coffees are done being made, I have to figure out how to juggle them and the baby. I awkwardly sling the carseat into my elbow pit, while holding a cup (with a lid) of hot coffee in that hand, my purse over my other shoulder, with the other cup of coffee in my other hand. Basically, a wobbly mess. That car seat is heavy.

I turn around and some business casual man on his fancy phone is texting, or tweeting, or reading email, or news, or whatever. He glances up and sees that me, my hot coffees, and awkwardly positioned heavy offspring are trying to get by. Instead of moving, he finishes whatever he's doing. And then BARELY steps to the side so I can try to squeeze by.

Another such doof lets the door slam in my face instead of holding it for me as I try to leave the building. Ugh.

Fortunately no coffee was spilled, no baby was dropped, nothing bad happened. I just got annoyed with people. Not nice people. And yes, I consider you not nice if you aren't courteous.

Then, the other night I went on a jog. And finally...finally I was reminded that I'm not the only nice person. I was crossing the street and a car cut me off while trying to make a turn. I figured she didn't see me so I stopped in time. Had I not, she would have easily hit me. She looked startled when she saw me, but I waved (more of thanks-for-nothing wave than a don't-worry-about-it wave). I was annoyed again.

I got about 3 or 4 houses up on the street and a car pulled up next to me, pacing me. It was her. She had her window rolled down and she was SO apologetic. I smiled and told her it was ok. Because it really was. I saw her. Nothing happened. I didn't get hit. But damn, how nice of her to go way out of her way to let me know she felt bad. What a nice lady. I'm sorry about my annoyed wave. And thank you for your niceness.

As I continued my jog I thought about how great that was of her. And then I thought about the nice lady who bandaged me up on my previous jog (that ended in tripping, bleeding, cursing). She helped me out big time. And my healing knee is thankful for it.

So, that settles it. Nice people exist. Nice ladies anyway.

Or maybe they only do when I encounter them somewhere along my jog.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Who knew Jell-O shots could be so darn classy?

I want one of these. In my belly. Right now now now.

Grapefruit Jell-O shot, rind and all? GET IN MY MOUTH.

And here I thought Jell-O shots were just for underage binge drinkers, bachelorette parties, or small unsuspecting children who don't know about mommy and daddy's adult Jell-O.

SRSLY. So inventive yet simple. I really need to be more creative with my kitchen adventures. I don't mean anything crazy... like cat pizza.

No. Definitely not. But, for the record...if I WERE to make a cat-shaped would look much better.

That being said, I need a bigger kitchen, more funding for such whimsical endeavors, and more hours in the day. Sigh. It stresses me out just thinking about it. Better have a drink to ease my tension.

What's that sweetie? That's right. Mommy's just having a bit of Jell-O.

oh crap.

i just realized the world is ending this year.

well...that's unfortunate.

Monday, February 6, 2012

tripping hazard

I've decided that if I were to get a tattoo, it should probably be this:
I, Montastic, am a tripping hazard.

When it comes down to it, I was overdue for a big fall. It's an annual event. So I decided it was high time to trip with the best of them. Falling is one of my many natural talents. Per the usual, I involved my old nemesis--the uneven sidewalk.

Here I am. Bloody, bruised, and once again wondering how it is possible to fall. so. hard.