Monday, June 30, 2008

latest XKCD silly-enough-for-Montastic comic

frozen chicken: the lastest weapon of the street

i mean...i think the headline says enough.
but if not,
here ya go.

even MORE great vintage advertising

my favorite lines from the copy:

copywriting at its best!

click image to see it mo' bigga

Friday, June 27, 2008

friday thoughts

highlights from my 45 minute lunchtime walk around downtown Denver:
- walking past two old men playing bongos and watching them and smiling..and then have the furrier of the two say "thank you for smiling."
- a mother and her young daughter in spring dresses, each carrying an orchid
- a greenpeace volunteer trying to talk to passersby and saying "you can at least be friendly!" because people CAN at least be friendly, shit.
- a girl looking at sunglasses at an unattended cart and waiting for the owner to return to pay.
- that awesome purple shirt on that otherwise boring-looking man

thoughts from the doctors office this morning:
- i completely respect the guy picking up birth control for his girlfriend and then making sure it was ok to leave in the car and that the temperature wouldn't harm it.
- i was reading some men's magazine. there was an article about chivalry in the modern day. and it said that, on a first date, one should NEVER bring girls flowers. instead, they should buy a small, thoughtful gift.
if you bring me a small thoughtful gift on our first date, i'll think you are mildly strange. bring me some frickin flowers! that awesomely cute gesture is not dead. trust me.

hot damn this is a good song

i really have always freakin loved this jammer!
it's not a happy-go-lucky song send-off like i usually post. but it's just so good. and if you don't like it, i may or may not like or dislike you.

so i'm thinking of choppin off the hair

about this long.

oh and it will be dark brown.
thoughts? comments? concerns?

sidenote: i look tired because i am. oh and i'm the only writer in the office today. so i'm quite busy. and well, belligerently drunk. obviously.

good print from Ray-Ban

click for larger view

Thursday, June 26, 2008

thursday five alive

refresher: five alive is 5 awesome things..not matter how small... about today (or that will be awesome before the day is over), even though i'm generally feeling blah today.
the goal here is to boost my mood people!

1. lunch with perry
2. relaxing walk to work
3. my bright green shirt

ugh..can't even think of five..ummm...

4. nice message from lil m
5. new skittles-flavored chapstick

a quaint quantity of quotes

"i've always wanted to have a little black baby from like 3 months to like 4 or 5 years old and then like, trade 'em in for a nice little white kid."

"We're gonna make them cum and cum again!"

"Take it from me, you should NOT kiss your friends."

"You are one in 300 million."

"Tadge calf!"

"Are you mormon?"
"No, are you?"
"No, obviously!"
"Want to come up for a Coors Light?"

"I've been dreaming of my true love's kissssss!" (what Mon should have been singing to Steve, D.D.S.)

"does that say weechquootee?!"

"I like everything about you."

"Oh my god! Is Monica crab-walking?!"

"We shall be married in the morning!"

"I mean fuck...I don't find boys I ACTUALLY like. I find boys I like to look at."

"I had a scare...well...I had a situation...well, I had an experience...basically, I had sex."

"Who wants breakfast burritos?!"

"It's not a compound."

"Oh, like you're leading him on, like Brad from the bachelor. And he is DeAnna"

"so my mustard sandwich not only gave me heartburn but also sent me running for the toilet. stupid mustard, i'll never say i love that condiment again"

The above quotes do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of Montastic...ok, well one does.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

and this was just the drive there

I had the best weekend with my ladies! much laughter and catching up. the best people i know!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Montastically M.I.A. the next 5 days

Utah-tahs '08 is commencing in 24 hours!!!
I will be in the beautiful and breathtaking mountains of Solitude, UT with my ladies. We'll be celebrating my bday along with my ladyfriend Chase's bday. (she's in green and i'm in brown, obv!)
this is an old picture (new years weekend in 2006), but nonetheless, you get the idea: we fuckin rule the school.

All my best ladies will be there. And all our best intentions will go right out the window as we swim, off-road scooter, hike, drink, and play in the sun until we just can't take it anymore!

a Montastic celebration, paraphrased

- the old man (actually old, not a 30-something, probably 60-something) at the bar telling me everyone wanted to sing to me, but really it was just him and his friend singing. then he told me "your brain is AMAZING."

- perrypants bringing me flowers because she remembered me saying that i wish i got flowers more

- the horsey ride, courtesy of mikey

- walking home barefoot and through dried pigeon poop with davers

- OMG chicken quesadilla

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

"a lot of amazing packed into a short time"

so i met this completely amazing guy named Zack recently, in the middle of his cross-country road trip. we had a great time chatting together while he was coming through the first time and then, on his way back, he stayed for a few days. we spent a good amount of time together in the short time he was here. and i already miss him! but he's on his way back to maryland now. and while it bums me out, i consider myself fortunate to have met someone so great!
anyway, as you may have read, today is my birthday. and this lovely man sent me the sweetest thing i've received today: a little video he and his road trip compadre (Bob) made for me. i can't save the video for some reason, but i was able to take a few slides of it.

first, the party popper

party popper innards on the ground

what i think is a cupcake with candles :)

and then a note!

it ended with a lovely little send off that you don't get to see!

anyway, it made me smile oh-so-much. and i felt super special. so i decided to share and give him internet props.

the real reason i type with one hand

anyone else uncomfortable with the granny in the background?

lordy lordy, i'm all grownsed up!

on this date, one score and 4 beautiful years ago, Montastic leapt from the womb and into the world.

how does one celebrate??
well, bold and brilliant birthday shoes of course! (and a little black get-up to boot!)

and of course, happy hour after worksy.
followed by a long weekend in the mountains of Solitude, Utah for drinking, laughing, snuggling, swimming, hiking, off-road scootering and experiencing the majesty that is my ladies...Utah-tahs '08 goes down in 2 days!

If only it were 5:00 already!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

oh man i needed this

thank you slow-mo baby.

from the melancholy mind of montastic

Any lasting relationship is not one based on logic. But, when you know a relationship is impossible from the beginning (due to existing circumstance) then you have to logically move on. At least, that's what my overactive brain tells me.

I'm secretly good at mini golf. It was a secret even to me.

Sage Francis is talented, a great live performer, and someone whose music I wish to explore more.

Alcohol explains a lot of things, but it won't allow me to excuse you...or that situation. Nor would I expect to ever use it as an excuse for myself.

Swimming pool sneak-in + corona + eye candy + my ladies + more five = perfect Saturday.

There are some people who actually like my tiny, barely-there bumbum.

Woody Harrelson is my favorite sleezy character actor. I think he is just so brilliant. You should probably watch a movie called The Grand. The first 70% or so is hilarious. It also helps to watch said movie while cuddling with an east-coast cutie.

When do you give someone the benefit of the doubt?

Thursday, June 12, 2008

summing up a great date:


Happy Loving Day!

Today is June 12th. Which means it is Loving Day.

"Loving Day celebrations commemorate the anniversary
of Loving v. Virginia (1967), the Supreme Court
decision that legalized interracial marriage in the
United States."

I support all forms of loving.

Happy Loving Day to all interracial couples, and anyone else who is loved...and everyone else who feels like they aren't.


pure homemade cock soup

oh it's real.
and it's spicy.
and it's really spicy.
and my mind is in the gutter today (ok, ok. it's there most of the time)
cock soup. delicious AND nutritious. so they say.

"fit the young porker's tiny trotters like a glove"

ok. fair warning. this news story...and this frickin picture are so damn cute, i just vommed in my mouth a little. be careful.

apparantly this wee bacon is afraid of mud. so what did her owners do? well they gave her little mud boots, courtesy of Paddington Bear. Oh good good. too cute. and, the best quote from the article...the boots "fit the young porker's tiny trotters like a glove."

i'll fit your young porker like a glove. MWA HA HAHA.

honestly, this picture makes me so happy. i can't help but laugh. of course, it could be the 3 hours of sleep. hmm.

to clarify: mandals

a few examples of mandals, to clarify for sethelton.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Montastic Guide to Knowing When You're THAT Guy

We all know him. THAT guy. And no one really likes him. His friends will tolerate him, I guess. Or they're some of THOSE guys also. Girls won't like him, not if they have any respect for themselves. Or they're some of THOSE girls.
So, in the name of painful generalizations, here is the MGTKWYTG... The Montastic Guide to Knowing When You're THAT Guy, duh.

Please keep track of the statements that apply to you.

You are THAT guy if you:

__pop the collar on the reg
__are an overzealous homophobe
__have a mini-mullet
__lean really far forward when you cackle loudly with your mouth agape
__own mandals (man sandals)
__blatantly check out girls without saying anything to them
__sit really far back in your car, and rest your wrist on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead like you're tough shit.
__get in bar fights
__r idea of romance is saying "but baby, please?"
__flex in pictures while trying to look like you aren't flexing
__have those weird muscles on your upper back that make you look like a hunch back
__walk with your hands in fists
__think you are better than your waiter
__wear pastels
__drink malt beverages or wine coolers
__have never brought a girl flowers
__shape your eyebrows
__grunt while lifting weights
__are a sore loser
__feel entitled to anything
__fake tan
__like your car more than your girl

Now, pay attention.
Total the number of statements that apply to you.
Rank yourself as follows

5+: THAT guy
3-4: THAT guy
1-2: THAT guy
0: call me.

This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

jam out with your clam out

gnarlsville. check out these nastoid clams!
i mean, in vulgar terms, clams are slang for ladyparts. and these look anything but!
they're called geoducks, pronounced gooey-duck, brilliant! their "necks" can get up to 2 meters long, and their name means "dig deep." hahaha
needless to say, they captured my attention for a while this afternoon... i wonder why.
found on Dark Roasted Blend.

in case you don't get the sick humor...they look like wangs.

haha oh silly headline.

(click for larger view)
i surely enjoy this ad. the old man is heartwarming. and the "seminar of pain" is the story of my life.
well, not so much a story my life...but rather the new threat i'm going to use when i done be rasslin' bums on the corner!

Monday, June 9, 2008

bachelorette food

ok i have 2 new guilty pleasures, besides cuddling, of course.

1. target brand honey with reduced-fat target brand woven wheats. it's like an orgasm in your mouth.

2. bananas and reduced-fat target brand peanut butter. SO MOFUGGIN SCRUMPTIOUS. holy smokes.

Please note: I did NOT include a picture of the banana and peanut butter because i found it to be phallic and fecal. So, as a result, I threw down a Montastic veto on that idea.

Please also note that most bachelorettes wear red-framed rectangle-shaped glasses...and make stupid faces.

roll out

Picasso’s Top 7 Tips for Creating an Exciting Life

a new fav blog of mine is the positivity blog. lots of good messages. lots of wisdom. lots to think about.
of the many articles about ways to improve life or live one that is more full, i really enjoyed the article "Picasso's Top 7 Tips for Creating an Exciting Life."

One thing to think about in reading this article or blog is that clearly Picasso did not compile his own list of his top 7 reasons. Someone else did for the purposes of this post. which means you are reading someone's ideas (Picasso's) through someone else's point of view (the post creator). So, my handy tip would be to always know what your reading an whose screening process it has ran through.

enough about are the 7 tips from Picasso, chosen by the author of the article, and now interpreted by Montastic.

(actually with all that said, you may as well skip this post and go read Picasso's writings himself...and figure out what you want to take away from his brilliance directly.)

actually, after writing that little parenthetical thought, i'm not going to give my interpretation of these...because they are so fucking wonderful already. read in to them at your will.

1. You have to believe to be able to do.

“He can who thinks he can, and he can’t who thinks he can’t. This is an inexorable, indisputable law.”

2. Push your limits.

“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”

3. Don’t wait for inspiration or the right moment.

“Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working.”

4. Act.

“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”

5. Ask the right questions.

“Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not.”

6. See the hidden beauty by not judging.
“If only we could pull out our brain and use only our eyes.”

7. It’s not too late.

“Youth has no age.”

Be Present.

“The most solid advice for a writer is this, I think: Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough”
William Saroyan

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Thank you Jack Daniels Old Number Seven

This song is a jammer! I really like this band too. You should check them out. the band is The Devil Makes Three, and this song is Old Number Seven.

Friday, June 6, 2008

friday funday song send-off

Today is a great day. Well, the day has so far been just ok. But my Perrypants returns from the land of Dark&Cold and I just can't wait! I'm going to harass her regardless of whether she is jetlagged or not.
Also great about today is that Mr Pickles is getting fixed, silly new car decided to give me problems right away.
Also great about today is the orange Starburst I just ate.
and now, the song send-off, obv!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

you really know you're tired

when the automatic paper towel dispenser scares the shit out of you.

stealin ideas from the brosef

Ok, so my brother did this on his myspace blog. He just compiled a list of statements about various people in his life...without saying who was who. it was very cool..and so I'm going to do the same. ready, set, go!


...are everything I'm looking for in someone.
...are stronger than you know, and probably more than I know.
...are someone I absolutely know I can tell everything to.
...brought more passion and pain into my life than anyone.
...are a success story.
...might be making a big mistake, but I respect your risk-taking.
...r heart and sweetness is endless, and I miss you.
...ruined the best thing you could have had.
...think so highly of yourself that I find it hard to pay you compliments.
...have intrigued me since I met you, and you always smell so good.
...are good in bed, bad with people, and average everywhere else.
...were gone for way too long, welcome back.
...are so easy to be around, when I get the chance to be around you.
...could be so much more without that attitude; you're amazing.
...think too little of yourself.
...make me feel calm and are still growing up.
...will become a great friend of mine, I can feel it.
...need way too much attention, get over it.
...have always been there, in a not-there sort of way.
...are someone with whom I wish I got the chance to see where life could take us.
...are ugly on the inside and I will never trust you again.
...have me if you ever need me.
...really really need to learn how to kiss better.
...are confused and have mischievous intentions.
...may never be able to relax, so stop trying.
...need to follow through with the things you say you will do.

that's one fine piece of ass... i mean print!

click for a larger views.

via adofdamonth.

oh yes. thank you seth.

i stole this from sethel's blog because my morning has been kind of poo-ey. and this tickles my bone of funny.
anyway, i heart the guy on the keyboard.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

it's hump day

which means the insanely busy work-week is almost half over. hooray!

and how does montastic feel about this, you ask?

well, she feels like leaping into the air with youthfull glee!

and she hopes you feel the same

Numb Nut!

hahaha this cracked me up, for 3.5 reasons.
1. i love spelling bee nerd kids
2. this wee lad is so serious as he mistakenly repeats the word back
3. the fact that chafing was still in the definition of the real word.
0.5. um...NUMB NUT!

Monday, June 2, 2008

walking to work, amazing.

my dirty bird friends...who have seen this city from a point-of-view i can barely begin to imagine

watching over me

my absolutely brilliant and amazing foot. i love it.

as the song goes..."everything is music. let it play."

the story of my life

this is me..obviously. i'm the incredibly ripped chick..obviously. and if you know me, this is how i pick up dudes..obviously.
(click the picture for a bigger view, so you that you may more easily read the "story of my life," as it were)