Wednesday, October 31, 2007

reporting at it's best.

"Here's your damn pickles!" is the brilliantly covered, unquestionably newsworthy AP story of a pickle assault. Feel free to read the article. otherwise, i'll sum it up a few short phrases.

"dawg don't eat all my pickles, i gotsta feed my chitlins."

"A!@#!! %&!*!@! #$!. I'm outta here. Yous whack!"

Upon returning..and throwing pickles "Here's your damn pickles!!!" **

"what tha fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck? i'll be seein yous on court tv foo!"

The end.

**i guess no one reminded the assailant that the proper grammar would have been "Here are your damn pickles." what kind of world is it where grammar goes improperly used during a pickle battle?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

bar smarts

I think Lowe's has done quite a nifty little thing with their coasters.
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found on adgoodness, i think these are relevent to the brand and the target market.
not to mention it's a fairly innovative use of an old advertising medium.\
'nuff said.

doin it fo tha scrilla

oh yes, today, not two short weeks after the week-o-change commenced, i am headed back to work. and everyone keeps asking if i'm excited.
the answer is...
um, no.
it's not a new job. it's the same job. it's not more responsibility, it's the same. at least for now. sure, it's a salary position and not hourly, but i'll be taking a small pay cut when i switch to salary. it will be nice to not feel AS disposable. although, after a year and half of interning/freelancing/contracting i've come to learn that the advertising industry is not your friend. and regardless of how "in" you feel, you may get canned the next morning by a smiling face talking about how much they like you. and this is true for freelancers, contract work, interning, and salary positions. so i guess my job security comment above is now null and void.
of course, i am very excited to see my work peeps again. i do enjoy them tremendously.
who knows, maybe you'll see more posts now that i'm required to sit in front of a computer all day and brilliantly craft the perfect, most affective headlines and body copy the world of JWT has ever known!

time for Montastic to get her life back on track.

Friday, October 26, 2007

my silly cousin

made a teaser for a video he is working on of my mom's wedding.
my family is the coolest.


just a little update on my buck-fifty goal..
i'm halfway there. beeotch.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


Dear Consumer,
It is ill-advised to consume only Doritos for dinner when you are feeling too complacent to eat something healthier. Your gastro-intestinal track will punish you for the aforementioned actions.

This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

le sette verità

well, marcus has made demands of me again in his post about seven truths. le sette verità for those italian speakers out there. ie: me and matteo.
little does mr marcus know, one of my very first posts on my blog was very similar, but instead of 7 truths about me, it was 6 little known facts about me. duh marcus. thanks for reading loyally, ass.

needless to say, i'm still going to share 7 truths about me, for you, for marcus, for the world.

1. i find good grammar to be a turn on.

2. i got my first real job offer tuesday. i took it. holy shit balls. and yay! and oh dear god. and woohoo!

3. i like my coffee like i like my men. sometimes black and strong, othertimes cheap and bitter, some days it's all girled up and flavored that way it's not like i'm really drinking coffee but out for a day with my girls, other days its home made and has nothing to do with the anyone else. but mostly, i like coffee like i like my men, every day.

4. i feel like an entirely different person than i did a week and a half ago. i think i'm a strong-willed, powerful (and sexy, duh) lady.

5. i'm going to sweden to visit my ms perrypants and i absolutely cannot wait. when she left i felt like i went through a really horrible break up. that's how depressed i was. i told her that, and then, like now, i feel silly saying it.

6. i absolutely love hand-written letters. i think it's insanely fascinating how they forever emtomb a moment even though everything can change the next day. case and point - i wrote a letter two weeks ago to a friend in abu dhabi. i talked about how i was excited about moving apartments, waiting to hear about my job (i felt pretty good about it) and things with the boy were good. then, of course, last week happened. so my letter got to him 2 days ago, showing a finite moment in the past. had i actually talked to him the day he got the letter he would never have heard those emotions, he would hear entirely different ones. isn't that fuckin amazing??? the answer is yes.

7. i think after a year and half, i may finally like this colorado thing.

by the way, any of you with a blog should write these too. it's endlessly entertaining*

*mildly humoring.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

mmm. charty.

i love charts. graphs. visual representations of larger concepts.
especially when they are silly.
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this lovely, mild-entertaining site was shown to be my favorite lil' pezzo di bello, Matteo.

Monday, October 22, 2007

it's been years

since i wrote a poem. i used to do it every day. then i quit.

My jaw.
My fist.
My heart.
Clenched, wrenched, drenched with ticking, tocking
The clock not stopping.
How are you?
I cried.
Are you ok?
I lied.
A word not heard, not said.
Not felt. Lived. Had. Beaten. Sad.
Wasted on words. On thoughts. On help.
Needing a reason. Apart from self.
Drunk on fears. Sober on tears.
How are you?
I'm fine.
Are you ok?
In time.
Keeping my head above
the draining water of love.
Of pride. Of tried. Of times gone by.
I am the past. Today won't last.
Tomorrow, we'll see.
Just ask.

Saturday, October 20, 2007


to all my loyal readers (ie: the 4 of you) i have many good reasons why i have not posted.
and they all happened in the last 5 days.
i moved downtown to an apartment in the city.. and i dont have internet set up yet.
monday, i lost my job. thanks, but no thanks. (cue the freak-out about just signing an expensive lease).
then, unfortunately, i broke up with my boy of almost 3 years.
so now i was in a new place, no job, no boy. within 3 days.
then yesterday, i hear i may get my job back... but not JUST my contract job, a full-hire salary position.

needless to say, it's been a crazy week and i went through more than most go through in a year. and it sucks and it's exciting all at once.

the end.

Friday, October 12, 2007

meow hiss hiss. shut up.

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one of the latest controversial ads comes to us from the UK. and i absolutely love it.
some people seem to feel that it's catty and malicious. they feel as though it is trying to draw women in by praying on their instinct to be jealous of the hot girl in the office.

i, however, think it targets men. who are are being reminded that there is a hot girl and they should look good for her. and by good, of course i mean rippling, sweaty and healthier.

nothing about this ad offends me, regardless of who they are trying to address. sure it exploits the superficiality of some people (god forbid we recognize a thread of vanity in our society!) but, that's all advertising is anyway...superficial.

the reason i love this, and you should too, is that it is honest. you could be a jealous girl trying to look hotter than another girl in the office. you could be a horny guy, feebly hoping that lifting some free weights will get you laid by the hot girl in the office. either way, it's a true motivation, a true statement.

i even saw one argument that said something along the lines of people who try to lose weight for the reason in the ad won't keep the weight off because they are losing it for the wrong reasons and not for themselves. you, my friend, are just looking for something to argue about. that's completely unrelated to the damn ad. stop feeling sorry for yourself just because you've lost weight for the wrong reason and then gained it all back. fool.


flight of the conchords

i've only been so fortunate as to see two episodes of this HILARIOUS show... considering i don't have cable.
but this video is pretty damn priceless.

happy friday friendsies!

ho hum

Quick, bring be a beaker of wine so that I may whet my mind and say something clever.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

nice moves

taken from mike's blog.
good for a laugh. i want to take the guy in red home with me and keep him forever.

Murs - 20 Answers

lyric of da day:
"This is still the beginning, still unravelling ribbon
The mission is to travel for as far as the vision."

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

i call him b.l.a.r.g.h.

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a brilliant little website that turns up some interesting stuff.
apparantly this picassohead is my tuesday.
make your own.

dis and dat

very cool

very fun

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Holy silly lessons Batman!

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you."
Batman: "You're welcome."

I'm bringing you this nugget from a site full of quotes where Batman lectures Robin. I particularly enjoy the one above as I particularly enjoy good grammar.

Other goodies:
Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Robin: "Let's go!"
Batman: "Not you, Robin. They have strict licensing laws in this country. A boy of your age is not allowed in a drinking tavern."

Robin: "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."

Batman: "Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt."
Robin: "We're only going a couple of blocks."
Batman: "It won't be long until you are old enough to get a driver's license, Robin, and you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember, motorist safety."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, when you put it that way.."

(in Batmobile, on golf course)
Robin: "Let's get going and make an emergency bat-turn!"
Batman: "Not this time, old chum. Have to think of the golfers. The retro-rockets would burn up the course for a hundred yards."

Robin, looking at Batgirl: "You know something, Batman?"
Batman: "What's that, Robin?"
Robin: "She looks very pretty when she's asleep."
Batman: "I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

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Wednesday, October 3, 2007

two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, jesus

one of my oft-read blogs,, lead me to this little gem.

A recent press release, done in conjunction with a new movie coming out about the Ten Commandments, did a bit of market research.

This amazingly awesome testament to American living revealed that more Americans can list the ingredients of a McDonald's Big Mac than the Ten Commandments.

Guilty as charged!

In a moment of tooting a horn that no one cares to hear, Ron Wexler, Mr Prez of the Ten Commandments Commission explained "Knowing and living the Ten Commandments empowers people and feeds their souls, while knowing the contents of a famous hambuger, at most, only feeds the stomach."

Thanks Wexy, but knowing the Ten Commandments feeds my soul about as much as knowing the colors of the rainbow. While living them may empower and feed some souls, perhaps some find solace in the 540 calorie-punchin' Mac-tastic.

The moral of the story, my friends, is that advertising is the shiznit.

If it weren't for that damn catchy jingle about the ingredients of a Big Mac, I probably wouldn't know them. Perhaps the Ten Commandments, the aforementioned "soul food," should be jingle-d.

Wicky wicky REMIX!@!!


if you are any bit as much of a blog-whore as me, you've probably seen this since it hit the blog scene a bit back.
nonetheless it is lovely and unexpected.