Wednesday, December 22, 2010

And to think I was worried the internet ran out of entertainment.

Oh my goats.


A very special thanks to Ms Chaseypoo for showing me this season-appropriate, smile-bringing, always relevant, goat-inspired video.

What a wonderful holiday it shall be. I'll be leaving good ol' Coloradical for Ptown and then CA--a whirlwind of family visits and Christmas cheer. I'm looking forward to it really starting to feel like like Christmas.

Usually, Denver is deep in the midst of a white Christmas by now. In fact, the mountains have been getting hammered with record snow lately. But for some odd reason the snow hasn't come down from the mountains. It was almost 70 this past weekend! A good 30 degrees above normal. That just wont do! What a bunch of BS that was. Don't the skies known that I love Mr Winter and snowfall?

I need snow dammit. So, Santa? Can you please bring those damn white fluffy holly jolly snow clouds to the metro area, please?

What a busy and Montastic year it has been. I got some fab life plans going on right now (more news on that after the holidays) and I can't wait for next year!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Tips for Single Ladies (circa 1938)

Oh how I love these! I don't know what publication they are originally from, but what lovely tips on luring in men.

Two of my favorites:
Whatever you do, don't talk while dancing you careless female! I didn't know that when men dance, they just want to dance. Good to know. I heart men who boogy. And now I know not to talk to them while they do it. Excellent.

"He doesn't want to be working on his emotions." Too perfect. This guy is so manly. He dances without talking, and he hates tears. I can basically smell the testosterone from here.

I'd be curious to see what the "Tips for Single Ladies" would be for today. Any ideas?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

my 2010 Breast Cancer 3-day recap

This year I walked again (a 2peat walker!) in the Komen 3-Day Breast Cancer walk.
And, it's safe to say that this year's walk was MUCH different than last year. And by that I mean it was much rainier and colder!

See if you can tell which picture is from this year, and which is from last year.
So obviously the pictures on the left are last year. Bright, sunny, tank tops. And the pictures on the right were this year. Gray, rainy, layers.

But, do not be fooled. I loved every minute of it. Well, except this minute.
Ok fine. Even this was memorable... Day 2 of the walk was filled with pouring rain--almost 9 hours of straight rain to keep us company on our walk. Brr!
I've never done that much while being that wet. It's "one for the books" as they say. 

Day 1 was breezy and cool, and day 3 was a roller coaster of different types of weather--yes, including rain.

I walked as captain of my team, Too Sexy. Everyone did amazing and walked every mile. We all met our fundraising goals and collectively raised over $26,000. Wowie wowie.

I loved walking this year. I had my mom and aunt by my side. We even all wore the same head wraps. Check out these hotties.
Some highlights of the rainy, windy, love-filled 2010 3-Day Walk
  • My team (5 of us who were repeat walkers) showing up dressed in TONS of pink – much more pink than last year.
  • My mom’s bouncing fanny anytime she heard music blasting from all of the people cheering us on.
  • The San Diego and San Jose bike cops who kept it silly and light-hearted, even when the rain wouldn’t let up.
  • The man handing out 7&7 shots (whiskey and 7-up). Mmmm!
  • My aunt Carmen’s laughter and silliness as she kicked butt as a first time walker (and didn’t get a SINGLE blister).
  • Cramming into small school busses to eat lunch, just to get out of the rain for a few minutes.
  • Waiting for my flight home and being congratulated by 5 other walkers in the airport.
  • Being able to push through all the rain and cold and mud!
To my team, I'm so proud of you.
To my aunt, I love you and you make me smile.
To my mom, I can't believe you did better than me on the walk...again. And fine, I love you too.

Thank you to all my donors and supporters for making this year possible.


ok, some more dancing.

A lovely compilation of movie clips featuring loads o' people with their dancepants on. Gotta love it.



Methinks I needa go dancing. Hmm...

gotta love the human spirit

So, I've been slacking in the post department lately. Whoops.

I stumbled across this video this morning. And it made me smile.

A street performer. An unbridled jam session. Some impromptu dancing.

Basically, this is fantastic. Happy Tuesday.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Oh yes. You never can tell.

A little Chuck Berry to set the mood as I prepare to take off to San Diego today.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

ready to walk!

So it's finally here! The 2010 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the cure! I fly out tomorrow to San Diego to start walking bright and early on Friday morning.

My team has raised almost $26,000 dollars for the cure! I can't believe it. I'm so excited and so ready to be the captain of Team Too Sexy, and to clock another 60 miles for the cause.

I finished up my donor ribbons today. I'm wearing a ribbon to represent each person who donated to my walk. The dark ribbons represent the 3 women I'm walking in honor of as well.

The forecast says it's going to rain off and on. So that means wet, hot walkers. Awww yeah. I better wear white.

Let's go team! Here's to an even better walk than last year!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The morning Storm.

First off all, I love you kitty. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you were a little shithead this morning.

Meowing before the sun came up? Really? You've never done this before, and we lock you out of the bedroom every night. Not only that, but you didn't shut up. Shithead.

Then, when I got you joyfully ran into my arms for some love. Then you released one of the grosser cat farts known to man. But no no no, not to be outdone by other cat farts, you made sure to LEAK something on me while cat farting. So now I smelled you, and saw what it was I was smelling. Shitbutt.

Then, as I was getting ready you made the stinkiest pile o' waste in the litterbox. I can't blame you for that. It was only natural. But I already had your butt juice on me, so I was a little annoyed. Shitbutt.

Trying not be, I let you back on my lap again. But in trying to position yourself, you slipped. This of course caused you to dig your nails into my legs as you slipped down... leaving two bloody irrigation tracks on my legs. You cut me deep Storm. On accident. But still. Shithead.

Then, you had the audacity to just lay on the bed while I changed...AND PURR. That's right, you just purred and were cute.

Awwww. My widdle kitty witty cat! I wuv you still.

autumn autobot

This morning was a pain in the ass for a number of reasons (and by that I mean one reason and that reason is Storm...we'll get to that in the next post).

However it was the second snowfall in Denver....but the FIRST snow to stick. And looksy what it did to my car... a light dusting. And I'm pretty sure the hood pattern means my car is an autobot and will protect me when the deceptacons take over...obviously.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Two apples high. And blue.

For anyone who got the "two apples high" reference. I salute you.

So basically it started something like this...

Instantly itchy. Instantly wondering how I would ever be able to get enough blue on my face.

It ended up something like this....

Nothing to see here but a whimsical smurfette, smelling the roses.


Halloween was quite the spectacle. Gotta love all the rad halloween costumes. The only thing I missed was being able to hand out candy to all the wee ones all dressed to the max. 

Friday, October 29, 2010

Friday Funday Song Send-Off

No explanation needed:


Tonight I shall two apples high and blue. Pictures to come. Maybe.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

a must-have

Maybe you recall that a while ago I asked for blog topics. Well, only one person, a Mr. Anon Ymous gave me a suggestion.
This:

Thanks for the suggestion mystery person! I didn't forget about you. But how could I find THE most pointless and crazy object on the internet. I've been looking. Waiting. Hoping. What is something that has absolutely no business in my life? Yet something I still MUST have.

GASP! I found it. That's right. Car Lashes.

From the site:
"Carlashes™ eyelashes and crystal eyeliner are the newest hot products for your car. The trademark Carlashes™ is a new automotive aftermarket brand created to allow cars to be personalized with a feminine touch."

Oh thank goodness. There is nothing Mr Pickles needs more than feminine touch. Particularly the added flare of crystal eyeliner.


Plus hellloooooooo. I'm this girls spitting image. A playful shrug, mouth agape, and pink shirt? Get outta town, we could be twins!

So, the top 3 reasons I must have these:

3. Even though Mr Pickles is a mister, I've always liked guys with long eyelashes.
2. You know me, always looking for a way to be girlier. Gigglez!
1. Winkface.


This just in: reason #1 doesn't make any sense. Then again, neither do eyelashes on my hoopty.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

People are Awesome.



Hells to the yes. Talk about inspiring. Nothing like some sweet clips of people being generally awesome to make me want to ....um... I don't know...do something generally awesome.

Now to brainstorm what that could be! Enjoy.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I heart the smell of Pine-Sol®

Here goes nothing...my deepest confession.

I love the smell of original Pine-Sol® (and the use of the registered mark).

And not just love in the like kinda way. Not just love like I love movies or the color yellow.

The kind of love like I love Taco Bell. Like I love boogying. THAT kind of love.

So naturally I felt the urge to blog about it. And decided that, to enrich my post, and thus my readers' lives, I would search for my love of the smell online. And what to my wondering autofill did appear?

This:
Oh google. You cut to the core of me. I DO love the smell of skunk and sweaty balls. I mean anyone who doesn't is likely lying to you.

I also discovered in my search that my fellow hearters of Pine-Sol® have a facebook page

Other learnings:
- In addition to my fave, the classic scent, there are 6 other Pine-Sol® scents.
- Pine-Sol® has a section of its own website dedicated to hearters. And yes, they use a heart instead of the word love. 
- Preggos crave the smell.
- There are abuse prevention groups for this kind of thing.

In the words of spokeswoman Diane Amos, aka The Pine-Sol® Lady...
THAT'S THE POWER OF PINE-SOL®, BABY!

Lastly, this:

Ahhh....Tuesday.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

words words words... beautiful things

I must say I didn't expect to actually watch all 6 and a half minutes of this. Because, let's face it, kinetic type treatment is being largely over done these days.

But damn if I didn't love the nerdiness of what he was saying. 

Sigh. Thank you Stephen Fry, you've excited my nerd muscle.



Monday, October 11, 2010

Oh the parking garage.

Let me start by saying that I very much appreciate that my work pays for my parking. I would hate to have to pay ridiculous daily parking rates in downtown. And by "hate to" I mean I wouldn't be able to afford it and I'd have to hitchhike to work everyday and mingle with the good samaritans who offered me rides. And by good samaritans I mean creeps.



So my parking garage. It's old. Very old. I'm talking elevators you have to open a huge metal door to get into. I'm talking lime that leaks from the ceilings--to the extent that lime stalagtites dance off the ceiling, and their counterparts, the lime stalagmites, rise from the cracked, broken, pot-hole filled floor.

And the smell. It smells like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. That kind of musty, motor-oil scented, old breathy smell.

Family fun for all ages.

You'd think the shattered windows on each level would release some of this stank. Not so.

There are 7 floors of this. The first is useless. The second and third are valet parking for a nearby hotel. Four is ok, but always full by the time I get here. Five and Six are under construction--that's right. The building is falling apart so I'm greeted each morning by the soothing sound of jackhammers...digging up around the support beams, and the smell of fresh asphalt filling the holes back up. Maybe it's just me but if there is not enough support, should I really be parking there?

And floor seven. The roof. Fine during the day. A dark, light-flickering, lamp-buzzing, watch-your-back, thrills-around-each-corner adventure at night.

But hark--look what I found on that tharrr roof! Art! Urban art!

And not just some art---a t-rex. An effing tyrannosaurus rex! With smoke plumes out da mouth! Plumes I say!
Fine parking garage. I kind of don't hate you today.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

SRLSY.. love dem goats

this is just sad. poor lil goaty goat.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Happy Hump Day!



Nothing like a dance party on a wednesday. Friday is almost here. Almost...

Monday, October 4, 2010

Storm's here!

And by Storm, I of course mean our new bitty kitty!

She is about 10 weeks old and we adopted her this weekend. AWWWWWWWWWW! 
Cutie-pie alert! She's quite the best little kitten. She used her litter box the first time she had to go. She is a snugglypants. And she was quiet all night. Basically I'm in love.

Her shelter name was Tiger Lily. That wouldn't do. How girly is that nonsense? 

We renamed her Storm. 

Now let's just hope the name isn't a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein Storm becomes a 13oz ball of mass destruction.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

me wanty these pendants

Ok yes. I have a problem. A jewelry problem. I have a lot. Ok...ok.. I have ton.
I acquire it often, and desire it always.

Well, I was perusing Etsy today and found myself on one of my favorite seller 's pages. How could I have forgotten about it? I've ALWAYS wanted pretty much every pendant this seller has. Though I've never purchased any as it requires disposable income I'd much prefer to use on necessities (morning java, chapstick, cheetos, and jewelry I don't have to wait for in the mail).

Either way, check it out . Here's a quick designgasm screengrab of some of the pendants. SQUEAL!


I mean are you kidding me???  Branches, birdies, lines, circles, swirlies. All my faves.

Hopefully one or two of your faves as well.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

oh ya. i feel sexy.

there is just something about my favorito pair of running shorts


a new sports bra 


and a plain black cami
ah yes.. I call this the trifecta of sexiness.

Maybe it's because the form-fitting fabric helps squeeze in a few of my rolls. Maybe it's because it makes me feel like a healthier person. Maybe because the running shorts are the perfect length to show of my stems.  Or maybe it's just because I sweat out pure pheromones. That's probably it.

Either way, I'll take workout clothes over skimpy clothes 9 days out of 10.

On the 10th day I'll be the one in oversized sweatpants and leg hair.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Friday Fun Day Song Send-Off: Chicken Fried (oh ya...I'm talkin country)



Now I'm not a huge country fan. But for some reason I heard this song on the way to work today and it just put me in a happy go lucky mood.

Plus I'm going to have some cold beer on this Friday night. So...there you have it.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

It's fall. I'm dehydrated and chunky.

One of my favorite seasons is upon us (as if there are so many to choose from). And my am I parched! The weather change in D-town is definitely noticeable. The dry cold starts to swirl into my life as all moisture peels off my face. I can't help but to slurp down more and more water.

The onset of autumn is marked not only by fun jackets and colorful scarves, but my constant trips to the bathroom. Ahhh, 'tis the season of new fashion and stall #2.

As far as the chunky...suffice it to say that I won't be in any danger of freezing this winter. I've subconsciously insulated myself with 20 new pounds of cold-weather protection.

Darn that weight. I can blame it on a number of things. But really, I have stopped working out as much, and I'm fattly in love. Relationships...the real diet screwer uppers.

So as much as I like being fattly in love, I much prefer my colorful fall scarves to loop around my neck twice, instead of just once. Time to bid adieu to my extra chins, my faithful companions of yore.

If you're paying attention, fall means 3 things for Montastic.

1. scarves
2. toilets
3. sweat

Also, it means Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Lordy lordy. Umm...non-fat milk please.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Blog topics?

To my followers/readers ...all two or three of you...

Please suggest a blog topic. Get me out of this writers block. Suggest it, I'll write it.

Pretty please and pretty thank you.

Loads of Love,
Montastic

Soul Pancaking my way back into blogging

Let's get this blog going again, shall we? And by we I mean me.

Shall me get it going again? Me shall.

Well, easier said than done. I got nothing going on in this brain of mine. So, once again I turn to trusty dusty Soul Pancake and its "Life's Little Lists" to get my creative juices drippin.

3 things that recently reminded me that i'm not getting any younger:
- i'm a wife
- cottage cheese butt
- gray hairs sprouting

Hrmm. That wasn't inspiring. It was a downright drab. Moving on.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

tiny dancer

video
just a little preview of why i'm marrying this man.

4 days and counting!

Bella and Brutta will have to hold off for a couple weeks while i go get me a husband!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Oh bother! A Winnie the Pooh quote

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called."
-A. A. Milne

lovely.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Don't be a taupe.

So tonight, I have some free time before my soccer game. It's not until 9:30... yuck.

Anyhoo, the hubs-to-be is at a game, and I thought it would be a good time to paint my nails. Duh.

What, oh what, do I paint my nails to celebrate my last week as an unmarried woman? Well, this color of course:

Perfect!

I was eager to look at the name of the color--being a lover of words, clever titles, nail polish, et al.

It went something like this... Grab the bottle. Flip it over. What the eff??

Neon Melon.

Really?? Really Sinful Colors?? Neon Melon? What does that do for me? Nothing. It does nothing.

Though I cant really say what I expected the nailpolish color to tell me on this momentous week in my life.
Ball and Chain?
I do?
Run For The Hills?
End of an Era?

Well, even with this disappointment, it got me thinking. Why did I need to celebrate with such a loud, poorly-named color? I mean, it IS a new bottle of polish. And I certainly don't plan to change up my color routine just because I'll be going from a Ms. to a Mrs.

It's not like I'm going to spiral into an abyss of taupe and clear coats. Gross. Not me, no way.

It's not like I need some silly wild color to act as a rite of passage from wild-woman-of-the-streets to matronly-wife-of-the-kitchen.

It's not like I plan to throw out this fantastic new bottle of less-than-fantastically-titled polish.

It's not like there was any real reason for blogging about this.

In other news, I also just painted my toenails the same color. So there.

Friday, August 13, 2010

it's a good thing I'm fluent in Stiletto.

These stilettos to be specific:


Ahh, the bachelorette party. Featuring yours truly--and 9 of my best ladies. And a stellar performance in stiletto proficiency. Giggling and scampering around downtown with heels is not necessarily the best idea while wearing evil little spikes on your feet. Then again, neither is wearing them and scaling a giant Pegasus statue.

First--my bridal party. If were Snow White and they were my gang of dwarves they would most obviously be Girly, Giggly, Rangy, and Nana.
And they. are. amazing.

Girly is obvs my MOH and cousin.

Thanks to her I was able to get my hurrrr did. And she was there to pick up the pieces when my emotions got the best me. But mainly she was there to pick up the other shot glass when it was party time. Love the sister I never had!

Giggly is Chase. Rangy is my gingerly Shannon, and of course Nana is the wee and mighty Robyn.

BRIDESMAIDS! UNITE!



Toss in some posse ladies, a few friends from Denver and one lovely coworker and something tells me that D-town never saw it coming.

I have to say that having all these ladies here really made me miss having all these ladies in one place! 3 from CA. 2 from OR. The rest in CO. Goodness deary me I just don't know where I should live!

Girly made a good observation that each stage of my life was represented by the peeps. My childhood by her, my awkward nerdy chubby highschool years by the posse, my blossoming collegiate days by Giggly and Nana, and my Denver adulthood days by the CO peeps and Rangy.

Cheers to that!


Best game of the night involved the light-up rings. The rules are simple. Montastic yells ACTIVATE. The last to activate has to take a shot. Classiness is never beyond me.
ACTIVAAAAAAAATE!


The weekend was like a big girly, drunken, silly, sweet, hilarious, special 72-hour hug! Thanks to all.

It's safe to say that I am now mentally prepped for being a wifey.

On to the next celebration. My big day!


Song o' the weekend

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Even though we ain't got money

Here is some handy dandy math to most concisely explain my point:

saving for a wedding + billsbillsbills + fiance = "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey."

Here are a few budget-friendly things that light up my broke-and-saving-for-a-wedding self:

- black coffee at home vs lattes out
- coupons vs full price
- free tickets vs notfree tickets
- inventing new recipes with whatever is in the cupboard vs buying ingredients for the same old meal
- dollar menus vs more-than-dollar menus
- pandora's free music stream vs buying music
- phone calls vs travel
- walks/hikes vs going out to lunch or dinner
- cheap light beer vs microbrews
- using up lotions/soaps/makeup etc vs buying new products just to try them
- finally taking my joint supplements vs buying more paid meds for my knees
- creating vs consuming

As wonderful as life is...here's to dreaming about life after the wedding budget crunch.




"Now I see a family where there once was none, now we've just begun,
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Awkward Stock Photos

Working in the advertising industry-- stock photos are something that we use. But as a result, they are also something I notice on really poorly put together advertisements. Either advertisements with no concept (ie: pretty frolicking animals advertising insurance companies, soaring eagles advertising college) or advertisements with a terrible see-and-say (ie: a man leaping with a headline reading "leap into a new career.").

Regardless, I notice them.

Which is why Awkward Stock Photos is just the best. Simple premise--a site dedicated to the most awkward stock photos on some of the most popular stock photography sites. So silly. A couple favs:





Ahhh to be awkward. Loves it!

Seriously the last picture has me cracking up.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

sweet rainy dance moves

this is beyond awesome. completely hypnotic.
plain ol' natural talent. gotta love it.

no, seriously. you have to love it. or else.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

birdbrain

lately I've been really drawn to bird jewelry. in fact, i had been looking at pendants for a while. i never bought any, seeing as how i've been saving to get hitched and whatnot.

well, i was in the bay area over the 4th, spending some quality time with the mamasita. we were perusing jewelry, as we usually do. there was a pendant/necklace which i was drawn to, per the recent attraction to bird-inspired pieces. mamasita treated me to it.

why birds? i have no idea. they are pretty cool when it comes to symbology--freedom, the soul, connection between the earth and the heavens, etc.

who knows. all i know is that i enjoy this handmade piece mucho.


other recent jewelry style interests:
trees/branches
leaves

maybe i just needa get outdoors more.

new music crush - Joshua James

"Another day it's all the same. Another way to make it sane."
My word, how fortunate to stumble across Joshua James yesterday.

I like his easy listening 'tude. His scratchy voice. There something. I'm not sure what it is but, well, I like it a lot.

So naturally I starting perusing a bunch of his songs. Turns out most have a darker story tell. Whether it's violence, drugs, religion. Hmm. Not necessarily my lyrical cup of tea, but nonetheless, I wanted to know more.

Naturally I landed on his myspace page where he expains "I find solace and beauty in darkness and depression...Perhaps the darkness comes out a little more often that I’d like, but that’s just where I gravitate to when I’m writing."

Word.

I definitely get that. Back in high school I wrote a lot of poetry and things during the free-writing classroom exercises...or even at home in my own spare time. And, for some reason, most of it was dark. I wrote about death or suicide, alcohol abuse, pain, tears, etc. Mind you I never thought about suicide, I was unfamiliar with death and still felt invincible, hardly anyone in my family drank, and I wasn't a completely unhappy person. No idea why I wrote like that. But it was what moved me. It was what I felt. It was went from my mind, through the pen, to the paper.

Oh Joshua James, I get it.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

film classics on the vuvuzela

this makes me laugh. hahaha. for no pinpoint-able reason except perhaps fatigue and low coffee-intake.

hair, hair, everywhere.

ok maybe just on my arm. somewhere on the back of my arm. somewhere i can't see or feel.

some rascally strand of hair has managed to escape my scalp and relocate to my arm. and it tickles. and it annoys me. and i can't find it. and it is pissing me off.

i likely look like a fool as i keep violently grabbing back there when i think i know where it is. i almost feel like i have to sneak up on it so the wind generated by my quick attacks doesn't blow it into a new hiding spot.

i'll get you my pretty. just you wait.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

word math

New Math is a pretty clever widdle site featuring random equations by Craig Damrauer. Check it out.


My love for words and visual representations of words is something you probably already know. But ahhh, to add math to the equation (no pun intended).

Enjoy.

Simple. Clever. New Math.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Catalog Living

I stumbled across a gem of a website last week. It makes me crack a smile most days. It's called Catalog Living. It pokes fun at some of the ridiculous decorations and design you see in catalogs. (Largely Pottery Barn featured).

Pretty clever stuff. Wish I had thought of it. Here's a small peek into the lives of the lives of Elaine and Gary, a couple who lives in your catalog's world. Enjoy.



Thursday, July 8, 2010

please read this. and use apostrophes properly.



This is a must-read. Sure maybe I'm a grammar snob. But if you can't properly use an apostrophe I can't properly respect you.

I feel like the apostrophe is a relatively simple thing to master. Not unlike comma usage or quotation marks.

Maybe, thats' just, "me."

Thursday, July 1, 2010

boyish hips and pancake boobs

the former is a trait of mine. the latter is a symptom of a different trait.

clothes shopping. ok ok ok. so i haven't done it in months (saving every last penny for the big day and whatnot).

however when i used to partake in such self-indulging activities (like buying fresh socks and the occasional pair of pants) my boyish hips made finding pants a pain. not to be confused with the general pain and lack of flexibility my boyish hips already suffer from.

lordy help me if i have a giant-headed baby. which i'm sure i will because i also have a very large head. 7 5/8 for those of you who know hat sizes. a monster melon atop my slender feminine lovely neck.

that's besides the point.

hips. boyish. narrow.
legs. skinny. long.
most pantolones do one of two things:
1. fit my hips/thighs perfectly and squish my tumzo until my muffin top runneth over. not QUITE the summer trend.
2. fit my waist/tumzo perfectly and sag around my pencil legs... leaving plenty of room if i wanted to go to the local market and smuggle loaves of breads in my pant legs. boo.

enough about that. on to pancake boobs.

i have boobs. biggish? maybe. one thing i know i DO have is a barrel of a rib cage. if you were carnivorous you could feast my rack o' ribs for a month, feeding your family of 5.

so...problemo. all the damn cutesy crap in the stores are made for normal rib-caged ladies. but apparantly these women also have no jubblies.

a recent situation i encountered was a cute lil' summer dress that was given to me on my birfday. size: medium. fantastico! just my size.

over the head it went. and along with it went a number of threads as my barrel o' ribs forced itself into the seams. snap snap snap. alas. i got it on. hooray. well, sort of. this is where the pancake boobs come in.

they were smooshed. battered and squeezed flat..pancaking them to a flatness that, with my boyish hips, would confuse most people as to my gender. mother effer. sorry gifter of said dress. i had to return it (after i tried to exchange for a large only to encounter slightly less flat pancake boobs and one or two less busted threads).

le sigh.

boy hips. pancake boobs. and thus is the plight of montastic.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Friday Funday Song Send Off: Kiss - Rock and Roll

Melting Pot date. New hike. 10-14 mile training walk. Soccer game.

great weekend ahead folks. great.

Monday, June 21, 2010

highlights from oh-my-omaha

So I went to Omaha for the weekend - to celebrate my birthday and enjoy cold beers in the sweltering inferno of the college world series.

We didn't go to any games, mind you. Just drank and fraternized with the locals (and non-locals).

Hooray for a trip to a new state with the lovely Shannonigans. Yeeehawwww.


Highlights from the sweatfest:

1. getting pulled over just outside of Lincoln. yes she was speeding. but oh my goodness officer, it's my first time to Omaha and we got excited that our long drive was almost over. thank you for the no-ticket-just-a-warning sir. zoom zoom.

2. pooling sweat in every crevice. just standing there. drip drip drop little june day showers.

3. my first beer gardens

4. a birthday cake (courtesy of Shannon's brother) at a family dinner. so unexpected and sweet! i had just met the fam..and they got me a cake. awwwww. warms the ol' heart chambers.

5. getting ready to leave a bar and getting accosted by a group of older men (late 40s to late 50s) who come to CWS every year. ended up chatting them up for about 3 hours while still sweating profusely. fun times.

6. bonding with a gentleman who was recently married and just had a baby. we chatted about life changes and my upcoming marriage.

7. the man in the white shirt who clearly had been ran into from behind by someone with a chocolate soft serve cone. bummerz.

8. having to pee. asking a group of gents by the port-o-potty if they were waiting. they said yes. i kissed my bulging bicep, asked "still waiting?" they said no. in i went. drip drip drop little june day showers.

9. shannon's 16-year old stepbrother joining us at 2 am in the basement (once we got back from the bars) for chips and salsa (thinking we had been asleep up until this point) "what the...? did you all just decide to wake up and eat chips???" yes. that's how we roll. we sleep until 2 am and then get up for chips EVERY NIGHT. you'll understand when you're older.

10. BEST HIGHLIGHT: busting in to the cemetary at night (if you know me and my fear of ghosts, this is a huge deal---scary!) but no way was i waiting in the car. shannon was going to visit her mom. the 11-year anniversary of her passing.
the cemetary had already closed so we (poorly) scaled the 8 foot chain linked fence. shannon, thinking the ground was closer, took a nice little tumbly into the cemetary. i just managed to gouge the backs of my thighs on the top of the fence. huge scratches. huger bruises. i gave her a nice long a moment while i waited a few yards off and thought about how sweet an event this was that i got to share. then i joined her at the headstone and met her mom. a very touching moment full of hugs and support. wouldn't have traded that for anything. absolutely great.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

so come give me a hug

Tomorrow's my birthday. Not today. But I wont be around to post. So, alas, birthday jammer today...for all my 26 years tomorrow.

Go Montastic, it's your birfday. (Don't call me shorty.)


Oh and the 26th word from the previous post you ask? Knees.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Almost 26 words about my almost 26 years on planet Earth

laughter. chubby. hair. schools. california. oregon. italy. denver. boys. men. libations. heartbreak. love. experiments. nails. stickshifts. religion. grades. nerdy. cheese. words. insecure. confident. sister. believer.

For those paying attention, that was only 25 words. I'm not 26 yet. But thanks for noticing.


Friday is my Montastic birthday. Be sure to get me something nice-ish.