astute observation

opening an ultra-thin panty liner sounds exactly the same as opening a slice of american cheese.

definite beaver activity

courtesy of the fail blog

tis better to have loved and lost

than to have all your limbs severed and be force-fed cilantro all day.

weiner poopie

oh my god. i stole this from daveypants. hilarious.
it tickles my 12-yr-old-boy funny bone like no other.

assignment per sethel

requested by sethel....start some sort of prose off of "Nothing good. Nothing clean. No truth, as true as it seems."

and.... GO!

nothing good
nothing clean
no truth as true as it seems
for the truer the true
the deeper the blue
when lies are an ocean
eyes no longer open
closed and blind
lost in time
in lies. in tries.
in trues that aren't.
when ends don't start.
where together's apart.
in the heart of the false
is the fear of a truth
believing only the right
it's the wrong that you lose.
thirst for the lies
see where they start.
force lows into highs
take together apart.
in the end
at the core
of the lie
you'll find more.


the end.

10 things to cheer yourself up. well, 20.

Montastic's 10 healthy and fun things to cheer yourself up
1. Dance so freakin hard you hurt yourself or break something in your apartment
2. Go running until you can't breath. then turn around and run back.
3. Hit up a coffee shop and people watch.
4. Flirt
5. Do something for yourself.. new jeans, haircut, piercing, whatevs.
6. Go out with the guys
7. Go snowboarding. Then come home and cook up something really delicious.
8. Attack a friend with a random and possibly violent hug
9. Get artsy fartsy. paint. write. bead. draw.
10. Sex

Montastic's 10 non-so-healthy but oh-so-fun things to do to cheer yourself up
1. Drink a TON of wine. "Mama's Moonshine" as I like to call it.
2. Eat a whole medium-sized Double Deckaroni pizza from Old Chicago.
3. Heath Blizzard from dairy queen.
4. Flirt
5. Spend lots of money on things you don't need.
6. Drink beer on your lunch break at work.
7. Meet lots and lots of random boys.
8. Mingle with the hundreds of bums near your apartment. Dance party?
9. Buy a baby loaf of colby jack. Eat it all. Fast.
10. Sex

oh passion, you beautiful bastard.

"When the habitually even-tempered suddenly fly into a passion, that explosion is apt to be more impressive than the outburst of the most violent amongst us."
Margery Allingham

i like this ad.

pros and cons

montastic's pros & cons of having all her close friends live far away...

pro: an excuse to travel
con: friendships are expensive to maintain

pro: no one is around to let your friends in your new city know your dorky past
con: no one is around who really understands you for your dorky past

pro: they don't meet everyone you date
con: they don't meet everyone you date

pro: a good reason to stay home on a friday night in sweatpants and chat on the phone
con: you can't see their face

pro: you know lots of people everywhere
con: you kind of know some people where you are

pro: you get to hear about all the adventures in other places
con: you don't get to adventure with them

pro: you can reinvent your circle of friends
con: you can't reinvent yourself

pro: emailing to pass the time on slow days at work
con: no one to pass a slow evening with

pro: good reminiscing about old times and laughing, hard.
con: no deep, hearty belly laughs with your new friends

pro: an excuse to move if you aren't happy where you are
con: an excuse to stay and try to make new close friendships just like them

gesundheit little one

this is an old video i saw forever ago. and i still find it freaking hilarious.
watch baby panda scare the shit out of mama panda....

meet the griswolds, times 10.

well, after detoxing from the weekend, i thought i'd sum up the epic journey to utah and back. our drive out there had everything go wrong that could possibly go wrong. the drive back was at least a little better...

mind you the drive should have only taken 7.5 hours.
it took us 24 hours to get there. and 11 hours to get back.

the drive out:
leave at 6pm (expecting to arrive the condo at 2am at the latest)
get on 80 in wyoming, see a sign saying 80 will be closed past laramie due to blowing snow and wind.
no big deal. it'll probably be open by the time we get there.
it's not.
we sit on the on-ramp by where it is closed to wait for it to open.
after an hour we decide to get a hotel.
get up at 5am. the road just opened. sweet. should be there by lunchtime.
almost into utah!
BOOM.
engine is smoking.
we blew a radiator hose.
call a tow, 30 min wait
an hour and half later, no tow truck. no phone signal to call, low batteries and phones are dying. fuck fuck fuck.
finally get ahold of the truck driver. said he didnt find us.
give him a piece of my mind.
he shows up (2 hours after we pulled over).
drives us back to wyoming to find the part. we can't. land rovers are rare.
we go to 2 auto parts stores.
richie decides to do a temporary tape-up fix until we get to salt lake (about 90 miles away)
he busts another tube.
fuck fuck fuck.
we figure out a way to get a free tow all the way to salt lake, to the land rover dealer.
trade out tow truck drivers.
home free! (right?)
90 miles later, ALMOST to dealer, the driver's phone rings.
the original tow truck driver has the car key... back in wyoming. 100 miles away.
fuck man.
we cant get the truck off the tow truck, let alone drive anywhere.
the dealer doesn't cut keys.
mon gets the information on the key.
richie hits up a locksmith.
mr k buys the parts.
richie takes about 30 min to replace the two parts that are busted.
we're home free.
add more antifreeze.
the engine temp is burning, red light is on.
no heat coming from the vents.
back to the dealer. ask a couple questions.
head up the mountain.
we're there! and it's 6pm again. a whole day gone.
drinky drinky.

2 absolutely amazing days of skiing/snowboarding (montastic boarded some blacks with the boys! what up !)

the day we are leaving we watch the news. 18+ inches to hit wyoming that morning.
shitters.
drive down the mountain.
engine light is on again. no heat at all.
windows open so the car doesn't steam up.
freezing for about 30 minutes.
call the dealer at the bottom of the canyon, figure out the solution.
light goes off. we have heat. perfect.
home free.
decide to go south through utah, instead of wyoming...adding about 100 extra miles, but avoiding the weather.
get to 70east to head home.
light comes on. engine steams.
pull over, loose screw. fix it up.
let the car cool.
keep going. light goes back on.
pull over. add more antifreeze.
light goes off. we're back on track.
the just a little bit of snow flurries and completely iced over roads to hinder us.
finally home.

so... almost 40 hours of travel time. absolutely unbelievable.

but such a fun trip nonetheless!

one glorious weekend ahead

to explain why i will be out of the ol' blogging loop for the next 5 days, here are two pictures that i believe explain where i'll be and what i'll be doing.

gasp!

a whole week and no post??!?
double you tee eff!

WICKY WICKY... FREE VERSE!

blogless, i talk less
smog? yes.
the window
so thin though
so gloomy a day
sun dipping away
fun wishing to play
tick tock
till 5 o'clock
work. type.
call. talk.
at 5 i drive
away
to play
in Utah!

the thought project

So i had this bookmarked for a long time... as i am too lazy to blog about most things i find right after i find them.
Anyway, this is the thought project by simon hogsberg. and i find it fascinating.

Basically, in Copenhagen, Denmark, and NYC he stopped random people on the streets and asked what they were thinking about in the exact moments right before he stopped them. He then recorded their answers verbatim and placed them on this site along with a picture of the person. I love it!

A few excerpts of my favs:

“So…I was trying to think…I left my bicycle over in the Westside of downtown, and I was trying to think how I could walk to my bicycle so that I could also run into a Cliff-bar which is a nutritional bar…Peanut-butter Cliff-bar, which is all for my breakfast. I needed to walk into an Ice coffee and a Cliff-bar. But my…my leg is very stiff, and I’m not sure why. I want to find the quickest route to my bicycle that would also intersect the Cliff-bar and the coffee. And my leg is stiff…yes. I think it might be from sexual activity…I’m not quite sure…I—I am pretty sure.”

“Ok, well, did you see the blind guy that walked that way? I looked at him, and I was thinking: Hmmm… That would be an interesting way to get away with a crime – to just walk away with a walking-blind-stick and, like, let the cops swarm around you, and no one would ever think it was you. Not because I want to commit a crime, but I was like, hmmm, if I ever did want to commit a crime that would be a cool way to get away with it..."

“I guess that what I was thinking about most was my girlfriend because I was just sitting here waiting for her, and she just wrote me saying that she’s on her way. So actually I was looking for her bus. Apart from that, I’ve got Bobo, my rat, in my bag, which I was thinking about. I was thinking how he was doing when he’s lying in the bag. Most because it’s just shat all over the place, actually...”

Five Alive

Today is a gloomy day. And I feel gloomy.
So, it must be five alive time.

1. hump day
2. salty peanuts
3. chase's post about her mom
4. thumb ring gone
5. free yoga

WhopperFreakout

I'm sure most of you have seen this. But I think it's brilliant marketing. To sum up: Burger King took the Whopper off the menu for a day and recorded customers reactions. Genius.

Lessons from the Dark&Cold.

In the spirit of my lessons from the farmland over thanksgiving, here are my lessons from the Dark&Cold, aka Sweden.


1. Me and Perry make a perfect couple. I like the powdery, mushy end of a box of cereal, she likes the whole flakes.
2. Us Americans are dorky because we smile all the time.
3. Smiling all the time is stressful and should be kept to a minimum.
4. If you act like a fool, no one will bother you because the swedes avoid confrontation and will just ignore you until you hopefully go away.
5. Instead of insulting each other by using the term "retard," youngins opt for CP Kid, which, of course, affectionately stands for Cerebral Palsy Kid.
6. There is an entire gnome-culture. ie: different gnomes for different things. ie: nutballs.
7. Dancing Germans are heart-warming.
8. infart. utfart. fart hinder.
9. When swedes speak english, they sound british.
10. 70s-style clothes (bright colors, ugly patterns, bag-dresses, tights) are in full-force... which seems to directly contradict the swedes' love of only wearing black.
11. Professional basketball is anything but.
12. Buying liquor is like living in wartime communist Russia.
13. Swedes don't countdown the new year. I assume it's because it is loud and fun.
14. Potatoes everywhere.
15. I will never be swedish.

Message From the Water

I stole this from Chase. Because it blows my mind more than anything has in a long long long long time.

First, let me explain that I have grown increasingly interested and intrigued by the idea that thoughts are powerful. Not even spoken thoughts necessarily, but positive thinking...and how it attracts positive things. I've always been spiritual and believed that have the utmost control over my happiness and what happens around me. In the past few months, this feeling has grown in me quite a bit given my life changes and the way they've come about and as a result, turned out.

So, what Chase blogged about was what Dr. Marsaru Emoto found in exposing water to human thought. Basically, the idea that thoughts have energy, both positive and negative... and this energy affects the water and they way it turns out when it crystallizes. It's fan-fuckin-tastically amazing stuff.

Here's the blurb from the youtube video (followed by the video itself)
Research From Dr. Masaru Emoto, says that human thoughts are directed at water before it is frozen, images of the resulting water crystals will be beautiful or ugly depending upon whether the thoughts were positive or negative. Emoto claims this can be achieved through prayer, music or by attaching written words to a container of water. Since 1999 Emoto has published several volumes of a work titled Messages from Water, which contains photographs of water crystals next to essays and "words of intent".

resolution?

sure, i'll make one i guess.

my resolution is do what makes me happy and forget what i had "planned."
I've had a taste of live-for-the-moment happiness getting... and well, i'm hooked.

other than that, i don't really see a need to make a resolution just because a new year has arrived.