Lessons from the Dark&Cold.

In the spirit of my lessons from the farmland over thanksgiving, here are my lessons from the Dark&Cold, aka Sweden.


1. Me and Perry make a perfect couple. I like the powdery, mushy end of a box of cereal, she likes the whole flakes.
2. Us Americans are dorky because we smile all the time.
3. Smiling all the time is stressful and should be kept to a minimum.
4. If you act like a fool, no one will bother you because the swedes avoid confrontation and will just ignore you until you hopefully go away.
5. Instead of insulting each other by using the term "retard," youngins opt for CP Kid, which, of course, affectionately stands for Cerebral Palsy Kid.
6. There is an entire gnome-culture. ie: different gnomes for different things. ie: nutballs.
7. Dancing Germans are heart-warming.
8. infart. utfart. fart hinder.
9. When swedes speak english, they sound british.
10. 70s-style clothes (bright colors, ugly patterns, bag-dresses, tights) are in full-force... which seems to directly contradict the swedes' love of only wearing black.
11. Professional basketball is anything but.
12. Buying liquor is like living in wartime communist Russia.
13. Swedes don't countdown the new year. I assume it's because it is loud and fun.
14. Potatoes everywhere.
15. I will never be swedish.