The Top 5 Montastic Perils of Long Distance Love

5. You let yourself go in between visits. You become rather tribal. More leg hair, grunting, general irritability, and only a loincloth. Also, you eat poorly, get a little extra pudgy around the muffin-top-region. And then are stuck desperately trying to remove said "top" in the 48 hours before seeing your beloved again.


4. You make out with your computer. Your cell phone. Your mailbox. Anything that functions as a delivery system for messages/cards/words/smells/pictures of your far away amore. Because that is as close as you can get to actually making out with him/her.


3. Teeny bopper bullshit songs really tug at your heart strings as some 12 year old belts out his deep feelings about his emotional torment and his great experience in the love realm at his youthful of age of prepubescence. You weep.


2. You have weird dreams.


1. You completely relate to this stupid looking bear, posing in the window, appearing to exhibit human emotions thanks to the ridiculous headline.


I'll be back shortly. I have to go look pensively out a window.