committed

Once I commit you to paper
know that they are thoughts
that may never be in my head again.

Once I commit you to paper
it's not to help me to remember you
but to allow me to forget.

Once I commit you to paper
you become a timestamp in my notebook
a few words to encapsulate a hundred moments.

Once I commit you to paper
the heavy heart with which I wrote becomes light
as I have lost a part of you.

Once I commit you to paper
I tell myself the tears will stop and I will pull it together
and then I pull it together and the sadness leaves.

Once I commit you to paper
I forever have a physical memorial
to someone special I chose to lose.

Once I commit you to paper
I wonder why I did it.