Tuesday, November 27, 2007

TN, short and thick

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Well, after a brief hiatus, Montastic has returned from the farmland, aka McMinnville, Tennessee.

Here's what I learned (and please keep this in mind if you ever visit..although some of it will be less than helpful to you)

1. Cows frighten if you approach them on foot, try a four-wheeler instead.
2. I'm really, really good at spotting bats in caves.
3. Some paint primer smells like bread dough.
4. If you are painting a kitchen, and you happen to fall off your ladder or stool, be sure the big glob of paint from your paint brush lands right in your mouth.
5. I think I could beat up most under-18 southern boys if we were to scrap.
6. After the men working on the plumbing downstairs tell you they are turning the water off and removing part of the piping, DO NOT make a doodoo upstairs and then flush the toilet.
7. Doggies do not like wobbly, rope bridges.
8. Places named "Butts" really do exist.
9. Smarshmella is an acceptable name for Marshmellows.
10. Young southern, church-going girls think my heels are impractical.
11. They don't call creeks "cricks," even though I really wish they did.
12. With every meal you get fruit punch. In various colors.
13. Everything is about 30 minutes away. So get used to it city girl. And slow your ass down.
14. Carry a big stick, old pipe or a rattle to ward of attacking dogs whilst walking at night.
15. When old southern folk sound like they are just burping, acknowledge them with a response of "mmhmm" or "i see" as it is most likely that they did, in fact, say something and not just belch.


Stv Mllr said...

Two things:

One. I grew up in McMinnville...Oregon.

Two. My grandma does call it a crick. For example, "let's take the footbridge over the crick" or "I'm going to the bathroom to make a crick, but I won't flush it since dem fellers are working on the pipes."

Ok, three things. Why were you in TN?

The Artistic Mercenary™ said...

Dood, did you make the dookie and then flush it!?!? Ha, that's awesome! Oh, and crick's are in Kentucky.