over the rainbow

warning: explicit (and albeit, uncessary) verbage ahead!!

i know i said no more videos for a while, but ms eva happens to sing the absolute best fuckin version of somewhere over the rainbow ever. this is a video of her live performance of it. fan-fuckin-tastically beautiful.

there are no words for this...

one sentence

here's a nifty little website called one sentence i learned about from the almighty deb.
i read it fairly regularly, so it only seemed appropriate to post it here. it has a post secret type of feel to it, but instead it's where someone has written in and told a story their story in a single sentence. so, ya, check 'er out!

look ma, i'm an after picture!

on this, the 60th pound anniversary of Fat Mon...or Fattastic as I shall call her for the purposes of this blog... i am finally releasing the pictures. i have kept them hidden for a while. there have been demands to see them. in a way, this is therapeutic. for i am no longer Fattastic.
So, embarassed and proud at the same time, I present to you all a couple pictures of Fattatstic...juxtaposed with a recent picture of Montastic.
TADA.

ok, one more video

apologies for just posting videos of music lately. but as another new fav artist of mine sung "everything is music, let it play."
however, that is not this artist or this song.
this is another gem from Mat Kearney. I posted one last week. I think I am in love with his voice. plus his name is spelled with only one "t" which is fairly rad. AND he has some songs that have some soul to them and are a little more hiphop-y. it's as though he is writing his songs especially for me. of course, i haven't posted any like that from him. But whatevs!
this purdy little diddy goes out to my ms perry....cuz i know she enjoyed the last song i posted of his.

my adventure is about to begin

Now, as you may know, Montastic loves words. But I also have always loved paper and paper cutting and stationary.
This guy is my new favorite. Rob Ryan. He does insanely intricate, and supremely bad-ass paper cutting...and intertwines some carefree little words in the mix. He also puts his designs on tiles and, well, I want to buy them. If only I had the money!
To sum up, enjoy a couple of my favorites below....or just go to his blogaroony.

Give the images a little clicksy for a bit larger view.




PS. If someone would like to buy me the "because i'm so happy" tile for my bday, that would be wholly acceptable. i'd much prefer the "my adventure is about to begin" tile...however that one is not currently on sale.

Friday Fun-Jam

this song defines my weeksy.
more posts to come later today...but right now I want to just be sad about the fact we have no hot water and Montastic cannot take a shower before work...and still smells like a smokey bar.
Guess it's a hat day!

it's a jungle out there!

finally! some new print ads i appreciate! thank you france.
kind of subtle. kind of blatant. just like me.
(click ads for bigger view)

a motley tasting of montastic's thoughts

a. me and chasè have agreed how ridiculous it is to think that i'm a writer...PROFESSIONALLY. that is nuts. they pay me to write. holla.
b. my favorite thing ever is talking to new people. and that's a scientific fact.
c. i think the best plan of attack for my cankle is to love and accept it ...as opposed to hate and reject it.
d. if i lose 5-7 more pounds, i'm piercing my tumtum.
e. must plan my next getaway...italia with matteo? (whatchu say matteo?) back to ptown for Ptown Getdown 2.0? Peru for a 25-mile backpacking adventure mania?? OH MY GOODNESS DEARY ME I JUST DON'T KNOW!
f. F stands for fantastic. much like wednesdays are.

i got the hell outta dodge for the weekend

and it may have just saved my sanity!
me and my ladyfriend anne went to breck for 3 nights. and snowboarded. and bar-hopped. and danced. and forgot about everything else. and it was fantastic.

funsy picture = happyface
re-tweaked cankle = sadface.


the new york man harem from night 2.


trannies unite!


cowboys from night three. yes. they're real. awesome.


singin with the rockin 80s cover band on night 3.

and really, that's all you need to know about my weekend. the rest shall remain in my head!

attention all Matts!

this just in! all Matt's are hott!
i thought this was just me who felt this way, but after much HIGHLY scientific research, it's true! i've dated a matt. so has my good friend. and another good friend.
and the verdict: all hot. i have 8 matts in my cell phone...all hot.
huge highschool crush matt .... hot.
hott sleezoid matt cheeseburger who i haven't met but chase says i can....hot.
matt with big nose from 5th grade....hot.
still, i never really put much thought into this seeing as how i assumed i was bias because of my good matt experiences.
well i went snowboarding last weekend..and on the drive up (long BEFORE i hit a tree branch with my face), me and a lady from work were talking guys. and she started talking matts. and, before i even offered it up, she mentioned how all matts are hot.
so, that pretty much settles it...

ALL MATTS ARE HOT.

the Montastic has spoken.

marmy monday

so last friday i stumbled across this gem.
basically, some genius of a man decided to give his beautifully executed explanation of marmaduke cartoons. sometimes vulgar, always entertaining.
three thumbs up from montastic! (i borrowed a thumb from someone else for this rating).
a taste:

and the jam setting of my weekend is...

letters on a friday

Dear Picture,
You've been dewalled.
Sincerely, Montastic.

Dear Card,
Torn in two. Booya.
Sincerely, Montastic.

Dear Phone Number,
Delete!
Sincerely, Montastic.

Dear You,
That was a very ugly thing you did.
Sincerely, Montastic.

Dear Montastic,
Pull it together.
Sincerely, Montastic.

five alive

i feel like this today. i didnt even try to look that miserable. it just happened. ugh.


so i'm going to force out a five alive for y'all.
and in case you don't remember...that's 5 things that were or are going to be awesome today...in lieu of the general crappiness of today.

1. omg egg mcmuffin
2. dave going to 9 different bathroom stalls to be able to make a #2
3. taking my contacts out
4. look at my huge package. it's made of chrome.
5. brother's bday!

take care of your beaver!

absolutely fantastic.

awful(ly funny)

hahaha ok so anyone who ever walked home the way i did in oregon would know why this cracks me up...there was an apartment building i walked past every day that had a huge annoying sign that that said "if you lived here, you'd be home now."...which was then defaced to say "if you lived here, you'd be boned by now." which was awesome because it was a way shady building and that was probably factual.
anyway, this brought a tear of nostalgia to my eye and a smile of dark humor to my mouth for the nice jab at advertising.

my life be like

Montastic's hot new fav:



My Life Be Like by Grits. Shore do like 'em!
I also like the jammer: They All Fall Down but couldn't find a vid. sadface.

don't worry

the birthday card i got you will find its way to the trash.

la parola del giorno

it's time for a new word of the day, a parola del giorno.

mancarsi (v) to be lacking itself
pronounced: mawn - car - ay
or, as we americani are more used to saying.... missing.

A few things Montastic is missing:
5 pounds
hawaiian time huli huli chicken
peeps (namely: chase, borq, matteo, hughby, jones, perrypants, marcus, luke, mr k, and ronnie)
sanity
functioning ankles
a reason
oregon
italy
long nails
spooning
my V-card
the fam fam
part of my front tooth
one ring of my 3-ring set
pepperjack cheese

hmmm.. that's all i got! or don't got, i suppose.

so what are you missing?? che cosa ti manca?

THE MGTKWHIABOWHC

The Montastic Guide to Knowing what His Intentions are Based on When he Calls.
otherwise known as The MGTKWHIABOWHC. duh.

scenario: a guy gets your number.

option 1:
He calls the same day/night.
explanation:
booty call. unless of course you had already agreed that he would call you later that day to meet up again. well, actually, it's still for booty.

option 2:
He calls the next day.
explanation: man i really wanna booty call this chick but i dont wanna seem like it's a booty call so i'll call her tomorrow and she'll be none the wiser. mwa ha ha ha ha.

option 3:
He calls 2-4 days later.
explanation: he MAY actually be interested but, more than likely, he's just playing that stupid "wait-3-days-to-call" game so that you think he's a gentlman. in reality, booty call.

option 4:
He calls a week a more later.
explanation: he forgot who you were and decided to call and figure out when drunk because hey, maybe you're hot and down for some fun times tonight. OR he remembered who you were but had to get really desperate before actually calling you again because frankly, he's just not that into it. either way.... insulting booty call.

option 5:
He never calls.
explanation:
He likes boys.


(exceptions to the above are few and far between. 1 in 4.5 million. and that's a scientific fact.)


This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

shittiest headline i've seen in a while

now, that's not to say i haven't seen awful awful awful ones. but this one actually is trying to be cool and hip...and it's really damn annoying.

LIVE THE DREAM FOR LESS COIN.

shame on you toyota. first of all, how freakin overplayed is "live the dream"???? stop saying it, everyone. right now.
"oh, how's your day?"
"not bad just living the dream!"
screw off.
"like your new job?"
"yep. living the dream!"
go home fungus.
"what have you been doing lately?"
"a little of everything...you know, living the dream!"
i hate you.

and toyota...trust me...give up the living the dream line. it's no longer hip. it's annoying and used by people trying to be funny/sarcastic/ironic when in reality they are very bad at all 3.

second, "coin." hate it.
it came up in 2 different superbowl spots...referring to saving cash as saving "coin." i guess it's the next wave of hipsterness, but when two different ads (for different products mind you) used the term "coin" during the superbowl...guess what???! it's not the next cool word. most likely some stupid researchers tried to find some cool&trendy new word kids are using these days so they could slap it on an ad and try to be original. sorry. someone else found the same information. that's what happens when you aren't creative enough.

might i suggest my own rewrite of the same headline:

we're grasping to relive the past as the value of the american dollar is taking a fat ass nosedive.
ps. we hope you don't notice.