flossin

this is the best advertising i have stumbled across in a long ass time!
done by Saatchi and Saatchi in NY. it's absolutely brilliant. good work.
one excited high-five from Montastic to you.

click for a larger view of the trapped porker.

ahhh...my belief that advertising can be creatively executed is refreshed, even if for just a fleeting moment.


found on I Believe in Advertising.

NPR: Sex Without Condoms is the New Engagement Ring

This is absolutely ridiculous!

Click through the link and listen to the 3 minutes of nonsense. Basically, it says that having unprotected sex shows a deeper level of commitment and dedication to your partner. For those who can't afford a ring, or don't want to invest in a marriage that may not stand the test of time.

Well, maybe your marriage won't, but that STD sure will.

Fools.

hey beautiful day

loves it.

i'm quitting boys

at least that is what i put as my away message on instant messenger yesterday. and i received a number of silly responses. all from boys who, apparantly, do not want to be quit.

"don't do it."

"i dont think you should. one time i almost gave up riding my bike! and look at me today..i can ride very well"

"you are a liar"

"dude don't do it. i'm wastedface. and i'm glad i didn't quit girls ;)"



in other news, i'm not quitting boys.

ha. clever.

found on copyranter

a menver observation

the average male-attractiveness is much higher.
the average male-height is definitely lower.

i like this

i think mainly for the joyful jump at the end. each spot of this campaign has one. awesome.

beans beans the musical fruit

Dear Farty McSuitWearer,
I was already in a weird funk waiting for my plane back to Denver from California last Sunday. I had already stuck claim to the lovely column by which you decided to sit as well. I had already become as comfortable as I could. And, I thought, I had already put my don't-sit-by-me face on.
Apparantly, you don't read social cues. And, when it came down to it, I didn't really care if you sat by me as long as you didn't chat loudly on your blackberry or make pointless calls to coworkers on a Sunday to make them think you were working. You see, THESE were my concerns. I was wrong.
As it turns out, I should have been more worried about your silent but deadly gas passing. And by silent, I mean I heard the first one. And the third. But I smelled all three with great nausea and a heavy heart.
When I moved, you looked up at me and tried to play it off as if you were just looking around. But deep down, you were wondering if it was your noxious butt that forced me to leave.
Well, I'm here to ease your wondering mind. Yes. Yes I left because of your farts. I hope this puts to rest any further confusion as to why I moved.

Sincerely,
Montastic

unexpected

but perhaps not altogether that interesting. what do you think?


sorry about all the videos today. i can't think straight. not enough to form interesting sentences and actually write anything anyway...

my what a big snake you've found

that's what he said!

truth in advertising

perhaps put your headphones in if, like me, you happen to work in a cubicle, in an office, in advertising

so i went to this wedding

last weekend in california. it was the wedding of some of my high school friends. and... it was as fun as going to a wedding alone can be. but it was highly bittersweet given that i haven't seen most of them in 3 or more years.
i was sad that i haven't kept in touch with some of them.
and i remembered why i hadn't kept in touch with others.
it was crazy to see who was already married and/or expecting children..and to see how much everyone has changed. anyway, it left me in a weird funk, but i thought i'd share a little side-by-side of me and my buddy brian, who i have only seen once in the last 3 years. the picture on the left was from 2003. the picture on the right is from the wedding.
what a difference 5 years makes! we were only 19. holla!

anyhoo...quite an interesting weekend. one on which i've reflected a ton. hmmm..

today i...

dislike:
elevator small talk. ugh, spare me.
my impending illness and sore throat...especially since i have a visitor in town this weekend.
nerves before a blind lunch date
that it isn't thursday yet
this headache
laundry

like:
that matt comes tomorrow!
my newly re-done pretty finger nails
Eric, the man who bought my car yesterday
the thought of you
text messages

i heart grammar!

hahaha yes!
cheers to you lefthandedtoons.com

duh.

a helpful excuse

when some girl or guy whose number you got but never called asks:
Why didn't you call me?

you are to say:
The night I met you, I drank until you were someone else. And then I called that person.




This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

because this cracked me up today, for some odd reason

because this always cracks me up

MAN OVERBOARD

because Montastic has an impending lunch date with a USMC officer.

M: i told him only if he wasn't boring, because i dont want to be bored
D: poor steve. he has no idea what he is getting himself into
M: but yes, poor poor steve
so we'll see
D: well i'm glad to hear he's a joker...otherwise you'd have to toss his ass over board right quick
M: MAN OVERBOARD
D: hahahaha
well good to start with a lunch date cause nobody kisses after lunch unless their in a relationship
M: exactly
don't kiss me in the daylight, OFFICER
i should study marine corps terminolgy
and be saying it all lunch
D: hahaahah
M: like....AS YOU WERE SERGEANT
D: oh please do
M: and be like...i pulled a hammy on my PORT side
D: if nothing else, just for the laughs i will get as you retell the awkward stories
hahahaha oh fuck
M: ALL HANDS ON MY DECK
D: :)
M: ya i'll just make him really really uncomfortable...until he jumps overboard himself
i'll show you HIGH AND TIGHT. booya.
D: but seriously though, marines are in CRAZY amazing shape so you should probably ask to frisk him before you throw him overboard
M: theres a RECON mission in my pants
i mean your pants
i mean TOUCH ME
i mean...uhh... umm.. thanks for lunch.. AS YOU WERE!!! (as i run away...)
D: hahaha
this could really get out of hand
M: ya i'm kind of excited about his bodacious bod. a hug is in order
D: and amazing
M: i should call him SKIPPER
D: i think just skip
M: stand by skip, i'll give the word, then you swab my deck
i'm not sure blatant mockery of his career will earn me any points. but, to be fair, i've never tried such things. so...perhaps?
D: he would have to be a special kind of guy
at least you could determine that he A) had super high self esteem and thus your mockery meant nothing to him or B) had super duper low se and couldn't muster the balls to tell you to f off
M: either way ALL ABOARD ie: GAME ON USMC MAN
except not really. chances are he could whoop my ass if i were to upset him. but perhaps i could take him. or we could combine forces, you and i, and be victorious. we're tough as shooooot.
hahahah because CLEARLY if i pissed him off, it would be only proper for the two of us to then kick his ass
D: hahaha clearly. dur.

top 10 moments since the beginning of spring

in chronological order, of course. spring to summer.

revisiting Rob Ryan

I know I've posted about Rob Ryan before. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE his work! Here's a few. please click them for larger views and a most whimsical, happy, lovely-worded experience.

today's mascot

and I shall name him HoHum.

because today is hohum for a number of reasons.
first, i'm really rundown and perhaps getting sick.
second, my coffee is lukewarm. gross.
third, you are gone indefinitely.
fourth, i forgot my chapstick today dammit.
fifth, i needa weed through all the offers for my car i'm trying to sell, blah.
sixth, i just got my business cards and they are babyshit colored.
seventh, i woke up at 1230 last night, thinking it was 730 and got up and started my morning. such an idiot.
eighth, i drove to work unnecessarily.
ninth, my austin adventures may not pan out. sadface.
tenth, i'm bored senseless.

to sum up: i need hotter coffee and chapstick and it will really turn my day around.

scotch and more scotch, and then more.

more like scotch and the cougar.
we're gonna need another bottle...

committed

Once I commit you to paper
know that they are thoughts
that may never be in my head again.

Once I commit you to paper
it's not to help me to remember you
but to allow me to forget.

Once I commit you to paper
you become a timestamp in my notebook
a few words to encapsulate a hundred moments.

Once I commit you to paper
the heavy heart with which I wrote becomes light
as I have lost a part of you.

Once I commit you to paper
I tell myself the tears will stop and I will pull it together
and then I pull it together and the sadness leaves.

Once I commit you to paper
I forever have a physical memorial
to someone special I chose to lose.

Once I commit you to paper
I wonder why I did it.

the problem with living in the moment...

...is that it will fuckin end.


This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

a thursday jam

I really like this song (Frame by Frame), this video, this band (The Honorary Title), the lyrics.
In particular, these two lines:
"I share with complete strangers my most personal of pleasures.
I scribble tidbits of useless mind-info, trash, treasure."
Awesome, I say.
'Nuff said.


"Frame By Frame"
Days bunch up in weeks, collaborate months against me.
The sheets are stained with evidence that our remains are now, drifting away.
I share with complete strangers my most personal of pleasures.
I scribble tidbits of useless mind-info, trash, treasure.
Spend hours, at my leisure, like sharpened precise tweezers.
Shifting through in the frame by frame
I walk the same path
I'll say the same lines
I do this every time
Do this every time
Dodging armpit stench aromatic
Wrapped up in my own self-induced stress panic
I think I am the only one in this shifting through
They'll collaborate in months against me.

the nifty fifteen...the nifteen, if you will.

Five Well-Known Facts about Monastic:
1. She loves pepperoni.
2. She has a tiny tiny arse, taking after her father.
3. She has a weak upper body.
4. She's mildly funny. Duh.
5. She owns a shit-ton of jewelry.

Five Little-Known Facts about Monastic:
1. She likes to people watch and make up stories about them.
2. She got weird warts on her leg from a dog bite. Sexy? of course.
3. Her favorite word is "respiro" which means "i breathe" or "a breath."
4. She bites her nails when she's really emotionally stressed.
5. She appreciates nice arms.

Five You-Should-Know facts about Monastic:
1. She is impatient.
2. Money stresses her out, so she tries to not base her life on it.
3. She judges you if you are late to anything.
4. She objectifies men on the street.
5. She is a

:)

simple. creative. idea.

verdict: mirror tic tac toe is freakin rad.

great out-of-the-box (or off-of-the-page, if you will) thinking.
i may write, but i admire good design...and respect it. it's a skill i don't have. yet.

i need phillip to cure my anger caused by writer's block

Let's Vamoose!

Shit! If only I had more sex appeal! I wish I could gain 10 to 25 pounds quick!
In case you can't read the awesome comic...
Frame 1: "No sex appeal to that beanpole. Let's vamoose"
Frame 2: "Try ironized yeast tablets. I gained 10 pounds quick."
Frame 3: (a few weeks later) "You're the queen of the beach!"


Holy vintage advertising, Montastic! This shit is great!

blog shoutout!

i got this lovely nike dryfit shirt from chaseypoo.

you may not know her. but you should. she is one of my all-time favorite ladies...a title that should not be taken lighting considering i can count my all-time favorite ladies on one hand and still have a finger left.
so, unless you are a mutant with more or less than 5 fingers, that means i have 4 all-time favorite ladies. and chase is one of them. and this shirt was for my bday. and it reminds me of her and why oregon is great.

which also reminds that i never talked about our lovechild, who we affectionately named "#18."
You see, chase submitted mine and her pictures to project BFF. A project by a professional sketch artist, which is explained on the site:
"I'm drawing 64 facial images of composite friends. Then I'll draw a series of composites from the composites; 32 drawings combining four faces each, 16 drawings combining eight faces each, and so on until finally there is one drawing derived from all 128 faces."

Basically, she submitted our pictures for him to combine into one sketch. our sketch will then be combined with another pair's sketch and so on, until he arrives at one final picture, as some combination of all 128 people. and we're part of it! cuz OMG WE ARE LIKE TOTALLY BFF.

the pictures chase submitted:

Montastic is on the left--duh.

and now, I present, our lovechild, #18:


oh #18! you sure got a lot of mommy's traits, didn't you?!


in other news, i'm taking applications for the 5th all-time favorite lady. please note: this is a very rigorous and cutthroat application process. do not expect to make the cut.

i heart meat

images found on copyranter

while i'm not sure if i'll be "swinging the hoe" later... one thing i am sure about is that me wanty hamburgy!

umm... I think you mean "toes," not "toads"

Hahaha ok so this is why I do love my office sometimes. This article got dropped on my desk today.

So I googled it so I could share it with you lovely folks.
You have to read the full article here. TOO damn funny. Silly old lady.
A pretty silly excerpt (well, one of them):
"I tried to look for camel toads in a drug book."

i need inspiration

dammit give me a blog suggestion.
i'm inept.
just for today.
sadface.