wednesday morning epiphany

i was just thinking about how they say "the darker the berry the sweeter the juice."


the conclusion: it's a scientific fact.

just call me Shadow.

being blonde was fun and all

but it was time.
Time to go back to my roots, and then some. Time to go back dark. Dark like my devious thoughts and sultry demeanor. Dark like cold winters nights, which I love so much.
Dark like awesomeness.

Montastic is back. And she's bringing the awesome to the Christmas potluck.

happy thanksgiving to all!

a thanksgiving picture of me and my ladies from last year:

i. am. inspired.

This is some FANTASTIC advertising. I found it on neatorama. Check out this shit:

Swimming over the NY cityscape. How eerie.
From neatoroma:
"No, New York is not underwater (yet, anyhow) - that’s a clever ad for HSBC by Ogilvy & Mather Mumbai ad agency in India. The bank wanted to raise awareness of the dangers of global warming, so the clever ad guys glued an aerial photo of a city’s skyscrapers to the base of a swimming pool … the effect of a submerged cityscape"



This blows my mind. Something about actually picturing the city underwater unnerves me. and kind of depresses me. Yikes. Effective advertising for me. In terms of understanding that global warming is very real. On the other hand, I still plan to drive my car to work every morning even though I live a mile a way. After all, it's cold out thurrrr.

this is true.

i will be.

me and chase on vacation

being awesome DOES take practice

Trust me. I know. I'm definitely awesome. But...I didn't need to read a book.

However, for those of you aren't, but who aspire to be awesome, might I suggest the following literature:

Get yours now on Amazon. At prices as low as a penny! (plus shipping)

A summation of the book:
"Be strong to stand up to the constant lies from Satan regarding inferiority, lack of self-acceptance and peer pressure."

A reader review of the book:
"For years, I struggled with meager coolness until I read this book. Now with my new-found knowledge and my "I am awesome" shirt, all the ladies want to get with me. It may look like they're just laughing and pointing, but I know that they truly find me irresistible. Since I've modeled my hair and clothes from the book cover, everyone thinks I'm Zack from Saved by the Bell. It just doesn't get anymore awesome than that. Oh yeah."

Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa. Love it.
I may just have to buy it. For humor's sake. Lord knows I'm already as awesome as could be!

at least philosophers have my back

As you may know, Montastic has a horrible memory. Unfortunately the things best remembered by my amazingly huge brain...are the worst things. Of course I remember the good things and great things, but the details tend to haze faster than the details of painful or hurtful things.

Anyhoooooo....I found this quote today and was POSITIVELY TICKLED BY IT!

"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." -Nietzsche

So, here's to many more first times! errr...uh...something like that.

dear skeletor, you must be joking.

So, logging into myspace this eve, I was absolutely disgusted with this ad:

Save the disgust over the awful photoshopping job and terrible perspective that makes this alien's arm look roughly the size of their entire abdomen...this is the most disgraceful diet ad I've seen.
I'm sure the jeans the photoshopped body is wearing are probably already a size 2. What is the point of making it look this ridiculous?
Oh baby, don't you just love how my torso is the same size as your thigh? OMG LOLZ me too! Good thing I did the magic 24-year-old oprah-recommended diet before I turn 25. Because then I would actually look normal. And who wants that sweetie? Not me. Give me spaghetti-body please. And monster arms.
What shit.

That is all.

Brrrrrsday

It done be cold out today! 25 right now.

I stayed home sick from work yesterday...though I worked from home and was quite busy. Add my dinosaur of a computer to the mix and it makes for a lot of cursing and not much rest. Needless to say I don't feel much better today. And I have no voice.
So, today's plan is: silence from Monstastic's cubicle. Sadface.

As I was sitting here drinking my morning coffee, I got to wondering what A.M. and P.M. stood for with regard to time. I figured M stood for some sort of medium, middle, medio, etc. So, I looked it up.

Today's useless information:

A.M.- From Latin ante meridiem, meaning before noon (12:00).

P.M.- From Latin post meridiem, meaning after noon (12:00).

While I'm no Latin major, I don't believe that meridiem means noon. I can deduce (with my monster-sized brain, and knowledge of Italian) that meridiem may actually mean midday or the middle of the day.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle GI Joe.

Today I left work sick at 3:00pm

And I'll have you know I have yet to take a sick day all year. So I guess I technically only took a sick 2 hours. We shall see how I feel in the morning. However, right now, I'm up trying to drink a Theraflu in the hopes that its bitter lemon-limey medicine-y average-ness will rock me into a deep slumber.

Also I have a number of things on my mind keeping me up.

First of all, The Biggest Loser. Does anyone watch that show? What shit it has turned into this season! All the scheming of the evil blue team of death. I'm sure they're changing their lives as well, but with all the games they're playing (instead of focusing on the inspirational aspect of it) I must say that I wouldn't feel too sorry if Heba the Horrid and Vicky the Fugly gained some weight back after the show. Don't worry, I can say that. I too used to be fat. But at least I was nice. Whores.

Secondly, I find this dichotomy troubling and pertinent to my life: Fearing an insanely happy reunion with someone because you worry you aren't strong enough to say goodbye again. Silly freakin long-distance love affairs. Ugh.

Third, unfair text messaging via Mr East Coast. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, you hairy (at least your upper arms) beast. Ya, that's right. I called you out on my blog. Booya grandma.

Fourth, freakin economy huh? It could be stifling my life plans of moving out of Colorado. We shall see. In other news, everyone, please, buy a Ford, Lincoln or Mercury. I can't tell you much about Lincoln or Mercury, but with the winter coming up, rest assured you can count on the 5-star crash test safety ratings of a number of Ford's safest sedans and SUVs OR enjoy the security and handling of Ford's All-Wheel Drive line-up! You know, if you want to save Ford Motor Company (and potentially my job) from ruin!

Fifth, my throat hurts. What a pain in the throat. HAR HAR HAR. get it?

this makes me quite happy

MacGyver is awesome

i mean, check out the beautiful execution of this punch!

M&M part 2 was superb

A few highlights:



honkytonk time, obvs!



making pumpkin pie (this is how we do it in my family)




and a night on the town

the holidays are a-comin!

This morning, after an awesome first night with lil m in town, I awoke crusty-eyed and tired. I threw up my shutters, so as to serenade the morning with my song. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?
SNOW! Ahhh, snowfall in the city. I love it.

Then on my equally crusty-eyed and tired drive to work, one radio station has already switched to all holiday music. And Let it Snow was on. :)

THEN, lo and behold, walking from my car to my office past the overcrowded and overpriced Starbucks, I noticed the #1 sign the holiday are nearing--the red Starbucks cup.

So if you're keeping track: snow. let it snow. red.

HAPPY BEGINNING OF THE HOLIDAYS!

M&M part 2 is here!

Zero days left!

That's right, lil m is arriving in a few short hours. And we will be tearin up D-town all through the weekend.
Highlights will likely include (but are not limited to):
cowboy hats
honkytonkin'
pumpkin pie
wine
tacos
breakfast at Snooze
laughter
secrets
more wine

updated tasty treats

So...i've updated the tasty treats along the right column over thurrrr. I removed old links of slackers who stopped blogging (AHEM CHASE) and added links to blogs I regularly read, but have been lazy about adding. So check out the old favs that have long since been there.

And now check out:

Zack Attack and his thoughts about life.

John, my brosef, and his photography. Please feel free to comment on his pictures and give him your feedback. He is awesome, naturally, as we are of the same blood. Mah blood brudda.

wonderful wednesday

So, today is a good day (and will be a good day) for a number of reasons.

First, my pulled quad from Monday's soccer game feels mucho better-o (which is mandarin for "still sore but healing.")

Second, I have now survived one month of a long distance relationship. Granted we've been apart a while, but only officially together since we've been apart...if that makes sense. Uhhh...duhhhh. What?! Anyway, This is a huge step for me, if you know me at all. And it has definitely been hard. And I have a lot more to go. I should put it my achievement book. With an exclamation point. (done and done)

Third, my cousin gets here tomorrow night for a lovely weekend o' girly mayhem! We have big plans to eat tacos, make pumpkin pie, go to the Grizzly Rose and get our cowgirl on, revisit the breakfast place that was closed last time, and of course--giggle and pillow fight!

Fourth, I ate a Montastic Pumpkin Pretty with my coffee this morning. And it was almost better than sex. Almost.

ahhh, the world is changing

Another sexist old ad. Although I guess this one is so much sexist as it is just a testament to the times it was printed. Click for a larger view of the lovely copy: "The things women have to put up with. Most husbands, nowadays, have stopped beating their wives..."


found on copyranter

bobbidy boopity dee

mustaches do, in fact, enable you to speak italian. please view this historic document as evidence:

another silly from lefthandedtoons

stupid penguin baby!

This is actually a cute story. And heartwarming. This picture, edited by yours truly, sums it up. But if you want to, feel free to read the full article here.

who said it?

"Sometimes I think it would be much easier to be a boy and then I remember that they have their genitals hanging from their body and I change my mind."

Montastic's Pumpkin Pretties!

Oh yes, time to get domestic!
I love pumkin flavored everything. And I absolutely LOVE pumpkin-chocolate-chip cookies AKA Montastic's Pumpkin Pretties.

So, naturally, I've detailed my creation of the pretties below.

Step 1: Put on sweatpants and slippers. Take a downward shot of your body so as to make your rack look as fluffy and delicious as Montastic's Pumpkin Pretties are.



Step 2: Turn on your old tv. Be sad that you only have one channel and it's half staticked out. Be sad the only thing on said channel is Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Be happy the camera caught this moment. Be suddenly aware that your company sponsors said show and then tout EXTREME MAKEOVER HOME EDITION IS AWESOME!!! on your blog.



Step 3: Print up the recipe and label it "RECIPE" so as not to confuse it with your roommate's Home Journal.



Step 4: Line up all ingredients for no apparant reason. Give them a thumbs up.



Step 5: Eat some chocolate chips. Obviously.



Step 6: Mix some shit.



Step 7: Add chocolate chips. This is optional for those of you who also kick puppies, punch kitties, and hate the cooing of newborn babies.



Step 8: Ball 'em as big as you want. They don't expand. Bake 'em.



Step 9: They're all done! Tear one up fresh out of the oven, hold it long enough to take a picture. Which, conveniently, is also long enough to burn your thumb badly.



All above steps MUST be taken for the full effect of Montastic's Pumpkin Pretties. If you would like the recipe (I can't imagine why you would, it's SO clear what to do above) feel free to ask me. They are QUITE scrumptious! They have a muffin-like consistency and go well with coffee, a highfive or your favorite Whitesnake album.

ninja-1, carefree toddler-0

the stick: a toy hall-of-famer

This makes me happy. I am tickled by the fact that the lowly stick has finally got the recognition it deserves. Because kids can make that stick be absolutely anything. Kids are amazing. Sticks are amazing.

I hope your Friday is amazing. But maybe not stick-amazing, because that's pretty hard to beat.

my baby photos

i was so cute when i was just a little thing!

M&M in Menver, comin' atcha in...

yep, that's less than one week!

oh. my.

hahaha this is absolutely horrible. you will waste 3:13 seconds of your life....but perhaps it's worth it for the best "what the hell?" moment you might have all week.
I present to you "He loves a fat girl."

Dear India, Nice outdoor marketing.

it is what it is.
and it is neat.

Oh silly office.

First bit of silly...someone from the other side of the office came offering us "Obama cookies." Not knowing what that meant, I grabbed one from the man. It's a cookie. With Obama's logo in icing on it. So ridiculous. But very well executed.

Second bit of silly...last night we rocked the town in celebratory glee for Dave's birfday.

Third bit of silly...this conversation that just happened on IM between me and the bday boy. (Keep in mind we share a cubicle wall...and now you know how dorky we are. We still IM instead of talking sometimes):

Montastic: i feel like ass. but this obama cookie is delicious....just to keep you updated on what is happening in my cube
Davers: Stick that cookie in ur ass sweetheart

we won. i voted. princess birthday. some dude ate KFC.

Today is a great day.

First, we totally whooped ass last night at my soccer game--to the team that has won all the games in the league thus far. Booya! I took a nice close-range shot to the tumtum, which done knocked my wind right da hell outta mah gut!

Second, it's voting day. I honestly am not really factoring this in to the reason my day is great. But...I like seeing people educate themselves on something and come together to make a decision. There's something nice about that. Even though I know nothing about politics. I learned some...and voted. Kiss me.

Third, it's Princess Davers' birfday today! And, you may know this already, but he is the fairest maiden in all the land. Naturally I filled his cube with pink balloons. And a tiara. Silly straight man is going to love it.

Fourth, this man agreed to plead guilty for a bucket of KFC. All stereotypes aside, this is ridiculous. Too good. But what could you expect from the colonel? Justice for all, that's what. Colonel Harland Sanders, serving the public good posthumously. (That means after death, obvs. And I bet you didn't know his first name was Harland.) Gangsta gangsta!

i'm having a romantic love affair

with this song

zman posted it a while back. and i think it's probably one of the best songs i've heard in a long time. oh man. the lyrics - phenomenal. the voice - so unique. the mood - 100% relatable for anyone with a heart.

my favorite lyrics
"I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanted know what I was about."

this song is my new lover. and yes, i'm aware my lover is kind of depressing. or is it? hmmm...

i fully support naked hugging

although law enforcement does not.

police have since released the following picture of the naked man...in case he strikes again. please be wary of the following adult white male as he tends to run around, showing off what his mama gave him, and politely asking for hugs. he responds to the name "Chase"
the culprit:

The meatballs fries, every the wood!

that should be your answer to any question you don't know how to respond to.
for example:
Who do you think will win the election?
The meatballs fries, every the wood.

or:
Is your father a baker? because you have great buns!
The meatballs fries, every the wood.

Thanks to this silly and poorly translated sign, you now have numerous answers to all of life's little questions.

Do you love it?
The shrimp burns.

a new month

don't forget those achievement books! a new month of achievements to be had is here! i think i may set some actual achievements to work toward. for example, i'd like to find an occasion to wear my cowboy hat out again. if you know me, you know i'm by no means cowgirl-esque. but i do have this here fancy hat. and achievements wanting to be reached.


in other news, i did not do anything with my weekend. i rested my head and went and got it checked out at the hospital on saturday. i am fine. though the stupid doctors tried to give me vicodin---for a freakin headache. i turned them down. fools.

needless to say, my head feels much better and i feel more like myself than i did last week. hopefully that means more posts for you lovely folk!

what's the Monday Funday Song Start-Off you ask??