Tuesday, September 16, 2008

All You Need to Know to be a Successful Dater

Have juice in your refrigerator.



because 99% of guys will want it. trust me. i have dated EXACTLY 2,000 guys in my brief time on this planet. and 1,980 of them have wanted juice. the subject of juice will come up in one of three ways:

1. You offer them something to drink.
"Got any juice?"
"No."
"No?! Well, I'm good then."
"Ya sorry, I don't drink much juice."
"Really? No juice?"
"No."

2. They become comfortable enough (or are generally brazen enough) to raid your fridge when you are in the other room. Then they yell to you...

"GOT ANY JUICE IN HERE?"
"In where?"
"The fridge."
"No, do you see any?"
"No."
"Then no."
"Who doesn't have juice?"
"Me."

3. A follow-up conversation regarding the originally lack-of-juice-ownership discovery...which involves a list of many juice flavors, just to make 100% sure that I know my own opinion on juice.

"I can't believe you don't have any juice. Do you not like it?"
"Not really."
"Not even orange?"
"Citrus hurts my stomach."
"Apple?"
"Too sweet."
"Grape?"
"Ehhh..."
"Cranberry?"
"It's ok."
"Grapefruit?"
"Still citrus...."

In summation:

LADIES, IF YOU WANNA GET SOME....GET SOME JUICE.


This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

2 comments:

hubs said...

You know what pineapple juice is good for right?

Montastic said...

Haha yes. I do. and I've heard that argument before. I'm just not a juice person. Unfortunately.

Clearly, we would never work out.