best voicemail ever

Left on my phone at 2:45 AM by one Mr Hughby:

Hello lady.
Uh we just drove by the place here you threw up. Ya, you know it’s me. And, I’m calling you. Which, you’re supposed to pick up your cell phone but apparently you live in another state and another time zone and might be having sex with another dude.

So you should probably call me tomorrow and let me know all about one of the three things I just let you know about. I mean you can actually not talk about the other things and just talk about time zones because I’m really intrigued in that. But, you can also talk to me about your daily life and the sex with the other dudes.

So uh,
Which brings me to point A

(massive laughter in the background “Point A?!”)

Have you met anybody? Have you met anybody… who is now your soulmate? Do they make you feel whole? At the same time, picture that I put my hands together, my fingers were intertwined while I said whole…. Do they make you feel whole. Did you find your soulmate? That’s a good deal.

Which brings me to point B.
Finding soulmates on the internet. Um… I thought that one day I would find my soulmate on the internet. And uh I was wondering if maybe you did that. Did you uhh.. Did you find somebody on the internet.

(yelling in the background “How old are they??”)

Was this person older than me? If you met someone on the internet that is older than me, we need to talk. Because I know all of them. And I’ll give you a really good reference for them. Because probably they’re better than everybody else you ever met, ‘cause I know them.

(lots of giggling)

I’m gonna hang up the uh phone now

(background talking “What about point C?”)

I don’t even know what point C is. Um this message is not as good as singing “I will survive” on my phone um, but it still acknowledges that I love you and you should probably call me back and say hello and take your sexual frustration out on the person you love from the internet.