Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Montastic Guide to Knowing When You're THAT Guy

We all know him. THAT guy. And no one really likes him. His friends will tolerate him, I guess. Or they're some of THOSE guys also. Girls won't like him, not if they have any respect for themselves. Or they're some of THOSE girls.
So, in the name of painful generalizations, here is the MGTKWYTG... The Montastic Guide to Knowing When You're THAT Guy, duh.

Please keep track of the statements that apply to you.

You are THAT guy if you:

__pop the collar on the reg
__are an overzealous homophobe
__have a mini-mullet
__lean really far forward when you cackle loudly with your mouth agape
__own mandals (man sandals)
__blatantly check out girls without saying anything to them
__sit really far back in your car, and rest your wrist on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead like you're tough shit.
__get in bar fights
__r idea of romance is saying "but baby, please?"
__flex in pictures while trying to look like you aren't flexing
__have those weird muscles on your upper back that make you look like a hunch back
__walk with your hands in fists
__think you are better than your waiter
__wear pastels
__drink malt beverages or wine coolers
__have never brought a girl flowers
__shape your eyebrows
__grunt while lifting weights
__are a sore loser
__feel entitled to anything
__fake tan
__like your car more than your girl

Now, pay attention.
Total the number of statements that apply to you.
Rank yourself as follows

5+: THAT guy
3-4: THAT guy
1-2: THAT guy
0: call me.

This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.


The Artistic Mercenary™ said...

Depends. What, exactly, are mandles? I mean, everyone owns sandals, do they not?

Matt said...

Ring Ring!

Montastic said...

oh matteo, stop appearing so perfect for me.
i already plan to wed you. duh!