it has everything to do with anything

for those who use the last bathroom stall...we all know you're pooping. don't get stage fright because someone else comes into the bathroom. everybody poops. there's a book about it, so i know it must be true.

i'm regretting my break-up with cheese.

spring is coming. and so are my pasty white legs. brace yourself denver.

excuse me sir, your insanely tight pants draw too much attention to your package. it already casts enough of a shadow as is. please stop distracting me and everyone around it.

i waited entirely to long to make use of my new average-sized-looking orange purse which can hold a handle of vodka, 2 caffeine free diet cokes, a bottle of sprite zero, 2 bottles of cranberry juice, my camera, my wallet, my sunglasses, some pens, random coins, my bottle of pain meds, a lighter, 3 chapsticks, 2 packs of gum and my huge wad of keys...without even looking full. thank you mary poppins bag, thank you.

the great P-Town Get-Down 08 is in eight days. oh my heck. can't wait.

my highly accurate man-dar was challenged at lunch yesterday as i could not tell if the person walking towards me was a man or not. fortunately, my counterpart aided my struggles with the conclusion "it's pat."

Q: How long before you start speaking with an ex again?
A: Margaritas

having the ability to charm the pants off of someone should be used for good. and evil. and everything in between.

dear triscuits, why for you runs out on me yesterday and make me feel things so sad?