Tuesday, February 26, 2008
not as black.
a strange and inexplicable thing has been happening lately---i've been putting creamer in my coffee. the horror! usually i drink it straight black...and prefer it in a white cup (it looks more tasty with the color contrast).
well i can only hypothesize as to why creamer has come into my life. My best guess is that my need to fluff up and chick-i-fy my coffee is that there is not enough fluff and chick-i-fying in the rest of my life. Clearly there are 5 needed steps to fix this..
1. make more ooey gooey coo sounds at babies, puppies, little rabbits and the like.
2. no more goddamned pirate cursing! you poop mouth!
3. start going to the bathroom in groups of girls. of course, if you don't know any girls of your own (much like montastic), feel free to follow random groups of girls...and then laugh and joke with them like you belong. don't worry little pretty, one day you will belong. one day.
[[caution caution caution!! conversations can turn gross, in which case it is more than fair to remove yourself from the situation. example of gross overheard bathroom conversation at Nallens bar: I used to have a TON of backwarts and the doctors didn't know what to do. the warts were all over.]]
4. OMG MANNIES AND PEDDIES LIKE TOTALLY ALL THE TIME!!@# oh and fake tans. and calling my friends "besties" and shit like that. gross. (i think i just blew rule #2)
5. If 1-4 don't work...get back on testosterone pills, who cares about the inevitable 'stache and balls.