a couple smiles for today

apparantly the way to make myself feel better is kitty hats. haha ridiculous.


ok so perhaps this one is inappropriate. but it made me smile on a day like today. and well, i do just enjoy smiling.

found on boingboing via runaway box

very sad

Chica has to be put down today. She is old, and had a seizure last night and can't even move this morning, except wag her tail. And Montastic can't be there since she is stuck in freakin Colorado. Just like she wasn't there in November when Betty, her family retriever had to be put to sleep as well.
Bye Chica. You're the absolute best! :(

picture by my brother
and a little video my dad sent me a while back of both my wonderful doggies. you will be missed.

walking to work in D-town, a case study

Well, I'm starting the walking-to-work thing until I figure out my automobile situation. Here's what I've learned about the dark, perverse side of walking to work on a bright, sunny morning.

1. I will get honked at more than once because A) Denverites are so friendly! or B)I'm fucking hot!
2. I will have staredowns with creepers in cars. Take that! I win.
3. I sweat when I walk quickly. Yumzo.
4. Pigeons swirl about carefree and chipper under the overpass...and leave lots of turd.
5. Mexikan't spell. (Although to be fair, I learned this last night and not today)
6. I need to remember to wear a belt.
7. I should have been walking to work much sooner. It's not that far and really quite pleasant.

Five Alive!

Ok, so today was kind of poop ...given that my clutch decided to turn to poop. Thus turning my hoopty into El Poop-o. The clutch repair is spendy. The car isn't even worth that much. So until I decide to fix the car or buy a used one to replace it, I shall walk..and walk I shall!
But, that was no good and killed my whole day and my ability to get to my soccer game tomorrow. Sooo... it's Five Alive time. And these 5 things remind that today is, in fact, Montastic.

1. Grasshopper saying "First of all, I didn't even know penises came that big!" Too freakin hilarious. I laughed so hard. and well, you dont get to know more back story than that. hahahaha it was great, however.
2. Hot Date #3
3. New freakin highlights look funky fresh!
4. lean cuisine pizza. yumzo!
5. The soap in the shower smiling at me. I had scraped a smiley face into a long time ago. And when the soap is dry, it's a dark red and you cant see the smiley.. However, once the soap gets wet or is exposed to the steam of my beautifully scalding showers, it turns a whitish color, and the smiley is very visable. And well, it just brightened my damned day right up!

Ukuleles, I Ukulove you

in particular, the use of the "wobble" sign for sound effect. hahaha
how lovely and carefree...much like the weekend i wish for you!

i dont know, but it itches!

yay! a glorious nostalgic moment brought to my day by chaseypoo!
this was a PSA ad she made for an assignment back at UofO.
Yours truly makes a cameo as the second-to-last crotch.
happy fun times in my happy old house with my happy roomy in eugene. miss you! heart you! want to kiss you awkwardly all over chasey!
Enjoy!

addicted to Pumas... i can't quit.

Yes, it's true. I have an addition: Pumas. I have 4 pairs and absolutely love them. I'm wearing some right now. I wore some yesterday. The day before. Yes, Montastic may, every so often, exhibit girly qualities. and one of those is that I enjoy shoes. Although, to be fair, two of the pairs I own are actually men's Pumas. So..that's not that girly.
Anyway, one of my 2 bossmen also loves Pumas, and we've discussed them more than once. After showing me the 2 new pairs of kickin' Pumas he bought online last night, Montastic got to browsing the puma website--THE HORROR! I want about 10 pairs from it. But I may just buy one, not ten (let's face it that's not practical). I really like both of these two...however, as I'm brokesky, I cant buy both. and I refuse to put my addictions on my credit card. I figure if I put it on debit, I have to fully accept my sick sick love for them.
So, my toughest decision today is deciding between these two rockin' sets..the first is a bit more useful as they are running shoes and do need new ones (although I heart my Pearl Izumis and don't really want to change brands for running). The second is fuckin awesome. 'nuff said.
What do you think?


I lead a very difficult life, dont i? sheesh.

"Penis theft panic hits city.."

Well that is by far the best headline I've read in a while. And the article is even more bizarre.

So, I have this friend...

and this friend has gone on a couple dates with a person he/she met on the internet. Now, suppose this friend wanted to make up a cooler story of how he/she met this new guy/girl, what would a good story be?
You know, hypothetically speaking of course...

oveny bakey cakeyness!

another lovely ad from across the pond. so silly. and i do enjoy the bakey-cakeyness tagline. sounds like something i would write.
now, take of your trousers!

yep. it's true.

make a doodoo? get the looloo!

this is too much. TOO MUCH SILLY, that is!

oh witty corporate emails!

a nice little exchange of email that happened this morning between Monastic and a coworker (who Montastic affectionately refers to as Midget, seeing as how this coworker is much shorter than her.), after said coworker sent out a very polite email asking us to all print up our work and place it in a new bin by the printer:

Montastic: Listen here little miss thang... I don't appreciate you're bossy attitude.
Coworker: We gunna have a throw down ghetto style in the hall way..... don't forget short people have advantages too
Montastic: You may be able to duck my punches, but I'll knee you in the head SHAWTY.
Coworker: alright you got me with that one but I'm like ninja style you wont even see me coming just remember..... The swan crows at midnight but the moon laughs at the spoon

forget John Doe, what about Juan Pérez?

Found this neat little site a while back, but I forgot all about. It lists the equivalent of "John Doe" for tons of other countries. For example, in Mexico it's Juan Pérez, in Italy it's Mario Rossi...and in Croatia, of course it's Ivan Horvat.

Anyway, check it if you want. Or don't. I just thought it was kind of cool because I never even really considered what other countries would call an unknown person. How could CSI: Croatia exist without being able to say "Our perp is an Ivan Horvat."?? Ya, I just blew your mind!

niceness

Ok, So I know OGOCTASED hasn't been update recently. I have some compliments backed up I just need to blog. I can't update it everyday...as I much prefer updating this blog.
Still, i wanted to say a little something about niceness. and positivity.
after discussing OGOCTASED with one mr barnheezy, he brought up a great point about why he liked the idea of giving compliments: people are too negative all the time. even in just how they phrase thing. eg: i don't like the cold vs i like when it's warmer. just a simple little rephrasing turns it from a negative to a positive statement. easy enough---so do it people!
today, this kickin' tuesday morning, i was happy and nice and people returned it and it made me feel 10times happier and nicer than i already was. here's the rundown:
1. a girl dropped her keys at the gym this morning. i picked them up for her so she didn't have to stop her workout. she was confused by my nice gesture. but then thanked me.
2. i got out of the way of the straw-station at the coffee shop and then chatted with the guy whose way i was in as he thanked me and let me know i wasn't in the way to begin with.
3. on my walk back to work there were two construction workers sitting on the hood of a car, who i have passed and greeted before. today we had a lovely little conversation..."oh you guys are always sitting here aren't you." "yes ma'am, this our urban beachfront" "Well damn, you guys got some nice real estate, i like your style." "thank you, haha, you have a good one miss." (this conversation actually made me really happy, they're so friendly..and i do pass them on my coffee runs in the mornings that i go..)
4. and lastly, i teased an older gentleman in a suit in the elevator for making me hold the elevator than making me stop on his floor. he laughed and joked back. and left with a smile.

and this was all before 9:15 AM.
today is going to be splendid.
happy tuesday from Montastic.

cool UK Budweiser ad from Fallon

not about product benefits. not about product quality. not even about the product.
all about the spirit of the bud. god bless beer.

Montastic's Monday musings from the banana phone

contrary to what seems logical, fanny packs are made for transporting tacos from one touristy location to the next.

pastels are in. and by "in" i mean you should wear them if you're a middle-aged, single man who doesn't know how to hit on ladies at the bar, so instead you wear pastels in hopes that you will look cute and springy...which you immediately ruin by laughing too loudly and staring too intently at all the breastesessss that pass by.

i love sun. and wind.

i need a bike to leisurely cruise around on when the weather is as glorious as it was this weekend. i need money to buy one. i also need to know a little bit about bikes. i also don't really NEED any of this. but i want i want i want.

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. here i am.

Utah-tahs '08 is going down in June for mine and Chase's bday! The plan: fun times with my favorite ovaries, off-road scooters, poolin', hottubbin', drinkin', spoonin'! and lots and lots of happy.

i know i've mentioned it before, but you MUST rock a pair of shades...it makes it so much easier to gaze at tasty treats you pass on the street, without appearing creepy.

running. hurts the knees. the cankles. the hip...i'm expecting a call from AARP anytime now.

tasty treat (n): anything delicious or palatable. eg: frozen yogurt, corn dogs, hot men, cheese, Coke slurpees, Monstastic.

the jam you should be rockin to start off your week is very clearly "Bound to Ride" by Jim Mills. be careful, it's some kickin' bluegrass and if you're hopped on the ol' caffeine, much like myself, your head may blow up.

banana phones are not only potASSium-rich, they are delicious.

every time a penny passes through your hands, stick it up your ass

hahahaha.....yessssssss.
happy saturday morning from Montastic!

fyi gentlemen

this is what most girls (esp Montastic) look like before a date:

so be happy with the what you get when you actually pick the girl up.
and yes, we all scarf mandarin oranges roughly 2 hours prior. duh.

This public service announcement brought to you by Montastic.

"Young Me, Now Me."

I forgot where i found this already..oops. But it is very cool. People submitted pictures of a younger version of them, then recreated the same picture with their current selves. It's fun and fascinating. I tried my best to recreate a couple of me..which was difficult considering i only had two of young mon at my disposal here at work..AND, i'm at work. which means i couldn't adequately get into similar-looking scenarios as the images. but, you get the idea.


Here a couple of my favorites from the site itself...

Kelloggs' new kickin gear...NOT!

Well, I can barely believe this is real. Kelloggs has created a really loud and ridiculous line of clothing that is so branded with Kelloggs spokescartoons and colors that it looks like Tony the Tiger ate Toucan Sam and then regurgitated him all over the clothes. I'm sure this will catch on amongst all the hardcore gangs out there.
Here's the picture from the top of the website. The best (ie:worst) part about it was that when I right-clicked to save the image...the file was titled "Last Supper."
Shame on you Kelloggs. Shame!!!

Needless to say i found this very entertaining...here are a few more pictures:

good work google billboard

found on adfreak via billboardom

OGOCTASED update

ok, so this little project has proven to be more difficult than thought...for a couple reasons.

for example, i missed a compliment yesterday! (and it was only day 3). which means, of course, that i must double up today. and my reasoning? i didn't have any strangers around me...which is total bullshit! honestly, how many strangers do you interact with daily? i mean i went to lunch where i stood in like for 15 minutes surrounded by strangers, i then ordered from strangers. i also went to the library to meet my student where i checked out a study room from a stranger. so if you happen to be joining me in my quest...there is NEVER a shortage of strangers. stop being lazy.

the other problem i am having is that i'm not quite sure how to give a guy a compliment without him thinking i'm hitting on him. so that shall be my mission today..considering i have to give 2 compliments, i may as well make sure one is male.

OGOCTASED is going to take more work than originally expected. but it's worth it!

proof of God? the nanner!

Hahaha oh my god (no irony intended there). This is the most ridiculous proof/explanation of the existence of God. So silly! what a gem to find on this lovely monday morning.
My favorite line...right at the opening: "Behold the Atheiest's nightmare: the banana."

found on neatorama.

OGOCTASED commences!

One of my favorite things said by a guy I used to date was

"Compliments will change the world."

What a magnificent sentiment. And one I have carried with me since.
Herego, I'm starting my new project....affectionately named OGOCTASED!

Which, of course, stands for:
Operation: Give One Compliment To A Stranger Each Day.

Feel free to track my progress at the OGOCTASED Blog.
I'll let you know how the compliment was received and what came of it. It will be interesting at best. Boring at worst. But always, always entertaining.

Of course, for such an elaborate operation, there must rules.
and here they are:
1. the compliment must be sincere.
2. can't be used on someone you actually know.
3. can't be used with the intentions of a pick-up line... although if a subsequent pick-up happens, so be it.

so...game on! OGOCTASED starts today.

feel free to join in spreading the compliment love. and let me know how it goes. because i, Montastic, support world-changing.

happy friday dance time!

this is a really old video. and i have always had a special place in my heart for it. please enjoy. and have a fun, crazy-dancing-filled weekend!

7 dating rules to ditch

my mamasita sent me this article... pretty interesting. it lists 7 dating rules and why it's ok to go against them. hmm. clickity click the link for the full article, otherwise here's my take on the seven... and whether or not i've broken them:

Rule #1: Never date a co-worker
I have not broken this one. Nor do I plan to. First, I work in a small office. Second, I have enough free time outside of work to meet people. Third, wait a second...my office is mostly male...what am i waiting for?!

Rule #2: Always wait for the third (or fourth... or fifth) date to have sex
I can't respond to this! My parents read this blog! But ok...this is a silly rule and obviously outdated. You can't put a time on sex. or love. or any emotions really. come on now.

Rule #3: Rebound relationships never last
This isn't really a rule. It's just a statement. But whatever. I recently went from a serious relationship right into another. It didn't last. but i don't blame the rebound-ness of it. Bottom line, timing is everything. and i agree that sometimes rebounds are perfect timing. and i believe they can last with the right person.

Rule #4: Never date a friend’s ex
I dont really have to worry about that because all my friends here are men. But my ladies back in Oregon...I wouldn't date their exes as much as I would use their bodies. hahaha. to sum up: I have not broken this rule.

Rule #5: Only date one person at a time
Broken this rule. Breaking it right now. dating is different than a relationship. it's not like having 2 boyfriends at once, because that's just whoreish. obv!

Rule #6: Wait for your date to say “I love you” first
Broken this rule.
My first real relationship I said it first. I would never change that. The second time, he said it first and it felt fantastic. :) I'm a firm believer in the "if you feel it, say it" mentality. if you've met me, you probably know this. its my favorite quality of mine.

Rule #7: Couples who are in love spend all their free time together
ooh screw this rule. broken! break it! you are not supposed to spend all your time with someone....you're supposed be individuals. or the relationship will be forever mediocre and waste of both your times.

dance fail

hahahaha another gem from the fail blog. this reminds me of my perry and the silly pictures we would look up in the dorms. ahhh memories.

Miss Hooker 2008

Found on boingboing, one of my favorito blogs...this is the weirdest and perhaps best thing I've stumbled across today. Of course, it is only 9:45 am. either way, this makes me simultaneously happy and gassy at the same time. Neither of which I can explain.

Gare Du Nord

i am in love with this. ok maybe not love. infatuation. so good.

and this is why i love my chasey

self image

i love claymation first of all. not to mention how much these comments hit close to home...the little nuances people see that are wrong with themselves. so inspiring. it's super cute and funny...worth the entire watch. (found on neatorama)

it actually kind of reminds me of this, which i saw on daveypants' blog a while ago. which actually IS based on real interviews with people about their first crushes.

i think i'm the red button... hmm.

more good print!

man i enjoy good print work. these are just fun. but i figured i'd share.
the first cracks me up for some odd reason. if you cant read it (sorry i couldn't get a bigger image) the headline says "go down in style" and it's an ad for bike helmets.

this second one is pretty silly bordering on sexual...and i'm actually surprised this ad was published...goes to show that not all clients are conservative turds.
in case you don't know, this deli is the one from the movie When Harry Met Sally...if that helps put the ad in context.

and lastly, another ad for the same deli. i absolutely love this headline. and i want to eat that sandwich. and it also makes me think of marcus.

you know me and comics

so, i'm a sucker for nerdy online comics. and by nerdy i mean anything lewd, obscene, uncomfortable, silly, sarcastic, ironic or dark....as long as it's funny.
a new site i'm enjoying is XKCD. it's not always amazing. but there are some i enjoy. two are below.
the first i like because, well, i have been known to do the MC hammer slide...which makes the first comic about me. duh.
the second i like and there's only one thing to say about it. and that thing is "word!"
give these a clicksy if you want to see them mo' bigga.



other fav comics of mine, in case you were wondering:
saturday morning breakfast cereal
white ninja
left handed toons
dinosaur comics

eye-catching buttocks!

found on adrants...
oh how i love vintage ads. so good.

click image for larger view