All Hallow's Eve!

Happy Halloween readers o' mine!

In celebration, I'm only using orange folders today. AND I even drew a pumpkin on one. And he has a broken tooth, from trying to open a bottle of pumpkin ale with his teeth.

Yes, this is what my life has come to.

Well, this is my favorite holla-day, for those of you who don't know. Dressing up and looking silly is always fun, but really, I just love handing out candy and decorating the house.

Alas, I don't live in a house, nor have I for 6 years. I live in an apartment. So no trick or treaters. Sad!

On top of that, I have no plans tonight. Which is extra lame. Last year I went and saw some music. This year, I may just go to bed early after sipping hot tea in my slippers. I wish much greater things for the rest of you.

In summation:
Orange folders (one of which is a pumpkin).
I have no plans.
Hopefully you do.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

i really like this sound

the lyrics are good--though i can't relate to them at this point in my life.
i just really really like this song every time i hear it.

in other news, i'm having a horrible day. boo.

the wednesday whaaaaaaaa

wow. i have been slacking. perhaps it was because i got bonked in the head (hitting ice with my forehead after slipping whilst getting off of the chairlift snowboarding last weekend). yes, that's it. i'll blame my headbonk and likely concussion for the fact that i haven't written recently. so...that being said, i still have nothing to say. not really. but here's what i will say...

- my stripper name is Salty Caramel. and Chase is my #1 client. you know, when she feels like "splurging," as it were.

- whiskey + snowboarding + inability to get off a chairlift (even when sober) = headbonk


- my eyebrow bone is bruised. if you look close, you can tell. especially when i have no makeup on my face. i told a certain someone recently that if he looked real close, he could see it. like Santa in the night sky. except Santa is a contusion. and the night sky is my face.

- i had a suspicion that it takes two months for Montastic to fall in love. after much research (both scientific and non-scientific), it's true.

- looking for the best vacation ever???? why not try Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. I mean, right there under the "things to do" you can see the fun you'll have. golf. jump in the lake. get married. what more do you need. exercise. fun. love. i think i know where Montastic is moving in 6 months!

- i still don't know what to be for halloween. or if i'm even doing anything. which is unfortunate as it is my favorite holiday.

- most importantly, are there any eligible, non-smoking, relatively normal gemini males out there? i promised the ever-awesome Perry i would find her astrological soulmate. anyone interested please apply.

- lastly, i have a marilyn monroe's mole inspired pimple. way to try to be trendy, you zitty jerk. apologies for not smiling. pimple and i were having an argument when this picture was taken.

concussed Montastic

so, it turns out i may have got a concussion this past weekend. how you ask?
well, chase and i got together for some friendly competition. she won the first round (as you'll see in the video below) and, disappointed in losing, i demanded a rematch (which was not captured on film, unfortunately) and i face-planted and bonked my dome. obviously.

relationships are all in your mind

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”
Wayne Dyer

interesting when to think about on this groggy, run-down friday.

another reason to love Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

M&M in Menver part 2 goes down in...

3 weeks.
(lil m)


how many weeks? three.
(big M)

"This is a story about severe emotional problems"

I can't get enough of this song! It's called "Too Much Saturn" by Francis Dunnery. It's so good---LOVE the chorus!

"What more can I admit to, open up a door
He said I'm gonna find out what I'm here for
He said I'd find out soon
I got too much Saturn and not enough Moon"

And, being one who enjoy astrology (and after reaffirming my knowledge on the world wide web), I know that Saturn is about living in the here and now--the strict, physical reality and the obstacles we must work hard to over come. The moon, however, represents emotions and feelings and represents the mother--a nurturing and instinctual side. Read into that what you will.

That said, enjoy this freaking fantastic song. and its similarly brilliant lyrics.

Happy Thursday my five readers. It's going to be a good one. I can feel it.

10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard

found this on boingboing. just some lighthearted silliness to start your day with!


brought to you by those who came up with 10 Reasons it Would Rule to Date a Unicorn

mi piacciono questi lirici

perché mi fanno felice.

act out

when you love, lust.
when you can, must.
when you dream, do.
when you be, you.

sense higher
know deeper
feel fire
climb steeper

because that time is gone.
an end to the song.
feelings leave.
regrets grieve.
moments pass.
opportunities don't last.

yesterdays? countless.
today? boundless.
tomorrow? unsure.
chances? there were.

when you want, get.
when there's a possibility, bet.
when you need to know, learn.
when you deserve, earn.

don't miss
a kiss
or bliss
or this
or that
don't blink
or think
or doubt

act out.


10/21/08 10:01 pm

Meet Robo-Leg

for clarity, here is a handy dandy picture equation, so you can learn how Robo-Leg came into my life:

Montastic being overly tough and competitive


PLUS

Co-ed soccer team


EQUALS

a tweaked leg (on which I've had surgery before) and thus, the need for the new knee brace...and the birth of Robo-Leg.


Please introduce yourself to my new bionic limb. I took Robo-Leg for a nice 12 mile bike ride Saturday. It seemed to do well, although biking wasn't something this knee brace was made for. But, made for ligament support, i'm quite certain Robo-Leg will do me good at tonight's indoor women's game I have.
Wish me and Robo-Leg luck. It's his first rodeo! (yes, Robo-Leg is a dude).

this put me in a trance

very neat.

one reason (of many) i should move to portland

This.thanks to chase for finding me this. and reminding me of the many wonders Portland has in store for me.

one straight-ass banana

As i prepared to indulge in my mid-morning treat (a banana, per the usual) i found myself in utter shock. this was quite possibly the straightest banana Montastic has ever purchased at Super Target.

Just to be certain that my eyes were not deceiving me, i held a Sharpie up against the straight banana, to compare linear models.

And behold!!



don't act like you're not impressed.

the moral of the story: bananas and sharpies can work as one!

Friday Funday Song Send-Off!

Well, I had my media player on shuffle this morning. And this silly happy-go-lucky song from the Aquabats (Lovers of Loving Love) came on. And it reminded me of happy road trips with friends. And well, it's just such a silly song!
So, all I could find on the ol' youtube was a silly video made by some random hoodlems. But, nonetheless it serves its purpose!
Happy Friday from Montastic!

more willy news!

If ads were truthful

found on Holy Taco, these crack me up. particularly the tampax and summer's eve ones, naturally.
while they are all gloriously inappropriate, they are also oh-so-honest. loves it!

thank you...

...for replying to my email.

...for worrying about me, and reminding me that people do.

...always making me laugh when i need it most.

...inspiring me for adventure.

...sharing my battle of mind and heart.

...having a potty mouth like me.

...taking a step back and allowing me to figure it out for myself.

...being genuinely interested now.

...pulling me up when i feel the most down.

...showing me exactly what i deserve in someone.

...talking to me when you need, and listening to me when i need.

bathtime tidbits

-if your skin stays pink for an hour after the bath, perhaps it was too hot.
-hot baths go good with a cup of cold water
-and good jams playing in the background
-they are truly relaxing, and i should take them more
-i felt like pretty woman, except for the annoying cackle...and richard gere wasn't in there with me. thank god.
-i'm happy!
-body wash bubbles up well (for those of you, like me, who don't have a bottle of bubbles on hand)
-you may realize, or at least have the thought that you should clean the tub floor more often
-i wouldn't have had this blissfully relaxing experience were i not injured from soccer and desperately trying to soak my aching knee.
-i can't believe how girly i feel. gross.

more Montastically sexist vintage ads

for your enjoyment!







and one that just makes me giggle inside:

never trust kittens or burritos

neat little video

thanks to mr wood who showed me this today. kinda weird. kinda funky. kinda cool.
enjoy. or don't.

Minilogue - Animals from ljudbilden on Vimeo.

still more smooth design

This is so rad!

A little blurb from the link:
"It’s about the size of a credit card and powered by a small cell. Flip up the lightbulb shaped cut-out to switch on the soft, mellow, glow of bliss."



Anyway, it's so super sleek. It fits in your wallet. I mean shoot, I needa get a bunch of these for my parents...so they can read the menus in dimly lit restaurants :)

(sorry mom and pops! I know you read this, and I just threw you under the bus. But, let's face it, i've seen you pull out your reading glasses one too many times.)

Hey little thing let me light your candle

Monday Funday Song Start-Off!


So Montastic is back. After a long and wondrous hiatus. I feel refreshed. Happy. And ready for whatever is next. Maybe not today, but in general.

Just wait, lots of goodness coming this week. I feel it.

props to my cousin

for finding this gem. granted, the final countdown is a lovely inside joke of ours. however this is splendid. hahaha. oh yes. happy monday!

thanks gianni! (pronounced johnny---duh!)

And away I go!

Back Monday.
:)

elephantastic update

Elephant doesn't like black coffee. Agree to disagree, little one.

elephantastic excitement

I would like to introduce you to Elephant. Trunk up (for good luck of course) and hanging from a long chain, near my tumtum.

Elephant was only $2.00 on crazy clearance at the neighborhood Macys. No one wanted Elephant...sad! So I gave him a nice home with me. We've since grown very close. And, for that reason, we're both crazy excited for a 5 day getaway--on which I embark tomorrow morning!

Elephant has also informed me that it's going to start getting mighty cold here! HOOOOORAYYY!! Which means jackets and scarves and a happy Montastic.

Interesting fact: Elephant is actually made to scale--the true size of an African elephant. So, I hope this gives you some perspective on how absolutely giant I am. Seriously. Gigantic. Like a grattacielo--a skyscraper. (There's your Italian word for the day! Literally meaning sky-scratcher). I'm a skyscratcher. And Elephant loves me.

Pretty much, I have it made. You?

pic o' the day

Monday Funday Song Start-Off

now, i know you are oh-so-used to seeing the Friday Funday Song Send-Off into the weekend, but lately, I've needed a little extra umph added to my Monday mornings.

And well, today is the beginning of a glorious week! 2 days of work. then a Montastically delicious vacay!

I helped save boobies today!

My second year running the 5k Race for the Cure here in Denver--the biggest Race for the Cure nationally. While it's not one to be ran for time (because there are so many people you get stopped behind huge groups sometimes) I was trying to beat a friend who ran a 5k a few weeks ago. He got 26 minutes.

So I tried my best to haul ass and weave in and around all the lovely people helping fight breast cancer.
And well...Montastic got 26 min 15 seconds! HOORAY! That's going in my Achievement Book. Especially considering all the weaving and bobbing I was doing. And it's almost 5 minutes better than my time last year (31 minutes).

Please note: this is the only pink shirt I own. And I got free with a purchase at Victoria's Secret. The last time I wore it may very well have been last year's Race for the Cure.

That is all. Off to my soccer game. :)

great song on this gray day

Jose Gonzalez - Hand On Your Heart

Wax Removal Kit: A Montastic Consumer Review

Product: Sally Hansen Spa Wax Hair Removal Kit
Goal: try home waxing, and succeed


So I thought this could be a really great thing. I heard from a ladyfriend of mine that this actually works very well for a home kit. Now, I've never had anything waxed ever, personally or professionally. Something about tearing hair follicles out by the roots just didn't seem pleasant.

But, I figured I'd give it a try. Plus this smells like lavender, which as aromatherapy is concerned, is relaxing. So I tried it about 4 months ago for the first time. The result: the wax strip came out with NO hair on it. And half the wax was left on my skin. This horrific failure was accompanied with great pain as I had to try to re-wax the same section of red, angry, uncompromising skin. To no avail. So I tried a different spot. Maybe less was would work better. Again...massive pain. But one hair came off. Let's have a parade to celebrate the insanely painful process of removing one GODDAMN hair. sticky, defeated, and hairy... i put the wax away.
strike one you waxy bastard.

trial two was a couple months ago. I got the nerve to try it again. i had a new method of pulling that i was sure would work. the result: the same as before. shit. except this time, on the recoil, the wax strip stuck to my forearm, which required careful and uncomfortable removal. so now i had sticky wax residue in two separate places. oh but at least the aromatic lavender was keeping me relaxed and soothed. oh wait. no it wasn't.
strike two you messy turd product.

after this experience i shared my pain (emotional and physical and psychological) with Perry. she told me she would throw it out. it sounded no bueno. why keep it? all logical points...except i have a hard time throwing out something i bought that didn't fulfil its purpose.

trial three was just now. the result:

strike three. enjoy the landfill.

oh yes, one more thing...
it wasn't my legs i was trying to wax.
so if u want to experience violent pulling, tearing, and ripping at all the hairs your special place...please visit my bathroom garbage receptacle. don't worry. it smells like lavender.

breaking up

so i blogged about tips for a first date with me earlier. why not go to the other end of the spectrum--the break up. sadface, no one likes these. even if it's not technically a breakup but a definite goodbye.

well here's what i've noticed. of the few guys i've dated or been in relationships with...they have all said they were able to remain friends with their exes. but, my question to you, oh loyal readers, is this: what if you were never friends to begin with??

you see i have never got into a relationship with someone i was friends with first. the friendship built along with the relationship. so naturally, upon their endings...it has appeared to be impossible to "go back" to being friends when, well, we never had that (without romantic feelings) to begin with.

apparantly i can't have both. an ex that is also a friend. fuckin bummer. because
unfortunately i don't yet talk to any of them.

hopefully, you don't become one of them. cuz if i like you enough (and you make it past date one and my top 10 first-date peeves) chances are i'll miss you when we stop talking. i'm only human. granted, i'm an awesome human.

anyway, just a thought i had this afternoon as another chapter closed. and i'm into the next.

clever marketing...

...that i appreciate

My Achievement Book

I read this article yesterday. I thought it was splendid idea.

To sum up:
1. get a nice notebook
2. write down your monthly achievements in it--no matter how big or how small
3. enjoy

I just so happened to have this lovely notebook right here. It was given to me by Perry for my bday. I wrote down my first achievement. (Please note I spelled achievement wrong. Whoops. I have remedied that problem since the picture was taken.)


Anyway, I think this will be great to look back on in 6 months and see what I feel I have accomplished. Assuming I will accomplish a lot, because I kind of rock sometimes, I shall extend my premature "HOOORRRAAYYYY!!"

Top 10 Things to Avoid on a First Date with Montastic

inspired by stupid morning talk radio this morning--it said men and women ALL agree the one thing to avoid on a first date is talking about politics. which i agree with...not because i think it's a point of contention but because i don't know enough about politics and i would feel stupid in that conversation.

so, enough about that. here's the 10 things you should avoid on a first date with me. i mean montastic. most from personal experience.

10. talk about how much you love your car (i care about more important things in life)

9. fish for compliments about yourself or talk bad about yourself
(i wont pay you the compliment. i'll just find you to be insecure)

8. act too buddy buddy
(i hang out with dudes all day long. if this is a date, show some freakin interest)

7. tell me you live with your grandma while pleading your case by saying that you're helping her out in her old age
(i've heard this about 4 times. i no longer buy it)

6. pop your collar
(is there a draft?)

5. ask what brand of clothing i'm wearing and talk about yours and how much of a deal you got on your shirt that still cost $150
(i'll be tempted to spill food all over you...after saying i got my shirt at Ross for %9.99)

4. make fun of other people, especially overweight ones.
(that used to be me. you have no way of knowing that, but don't be an asshole)

3. get really drunk and offer to drive me home
(retard)

2. tell me how much you know about relationships because your ex-girlfriend really opened your eyes and taught you a lot.
(call her up and tell you're not over it, chump)

1. smoke
(huge turn off. you may as well not call me again)

wow...turns out i was kind of bitter this morning. hahaha oh well.
now you know what to avoid--stupid, superficial, mean, judgmental BS. simple enough.

any takers?

life choices: Montastic and Chase style

Montastic: dude i want like...an ice cream sandwich
OR sex
hahaha jk
the ice cream will suffice

Chase: ice cream fo sho
I've never had sex so I have nothing to compare it too but I imagine ice cream is waaaay better
it's like suck on delicious sugary frozen cream or a cock...now come on which would you choose?
no brainer

Montastic: hahahaha
good call
although both can be creamy --BOOYA!

Chase: hahaha gross

Montastic: ps you made my blog just now.
well...once i post that comment

Chase: hahahaha you suck
on ice cream
and cock

Montastic: only on thursdays

Chase: Hahaha is thursday the designated suck cock day?

Montastic: AND ice cream. please.

branding colors

This is super interesting to me for some reason. Maybe because I believe in colors.
(click to see bigger version)

So if you were a brand, what color would you be?
My favorite colors are orange and purple. But I think the Montastic brand would be red.

genius!

Well we all know i heart craigslist. I've found furniture, friends, and a creepy guy on there. All good stories.
Well this is also a good story:

Turns this crafty lil bank robber man posted an ad on craigslist for some construction job at $28.50 an hour. when people responded with interest, he told them to be at an address at a certain time of day, wearing certain types of construction clothes. a dozen or so men showed up for the job. meanwhile robberman robbed a bank right next to the "job site" wearing the same exact clothes he told everyone to come dressed in. brilliant. he has not yet been found.

keep in mind:
bank robbing = bad
craftiness = awesome

there is cheesecake in the breakroom.

this is what i'm eating.


i guess you could say i'm operating with longterm gratification in mind, as opposed to instant. or some BS like that. i guess i'm just being a "chick" and being "good." Lame.

this just in: Montastic is lame today!

although if had a peanut butter to go with my apple...i'd say it was way more pleasurable than cheesecake.

i felt more like an oreo

black-white-black.
black boots. white skirt. black shirt.

but apparently, i'm a mcdonalds special. so says the crazy shoe shine guy on the corner who yells and harasses all passersby. however, it made me smile today.

"Hooooooboy! Black and white! Somebody call McDonald's and tell them their recipe is walkin right down the street---because I'M LOVIN IT!"

hahaha yes sir. thank you for that. i feel much hotter now.

in other news, these boots were made for walking. and i walked right away from you. better luck next time.

where's the proofreading people!

even for a small classified ad--it pays to have a proofreader look things over sometimes.
of course, i suppose i'm assuming there is a typo in this. i could be wrong. the house might just come with a boytoy when you buy it. how modern.