so i blogged about tips for a first date with me earlier. why not go to the other end of the spectrum--the break up. sadface, no one likes these. even if it's not technically a breakup but a definite goodbye.
well here's what i've noticed. of the few guys i've dated or been in relationships with...they have all said they were able to remain friends with their exes. but, my question to you, oh loyal readers, is this: what if you were never friends to begin with??
you see i have never got into a relationship with someone i was friends with first. the friendship built along with the relationship. so naturally, upon their endings...it has appeared to be impossible to "go back" to being friends when, well, we never had that (without romantic feelings) to begin with.
apparantly i can't have both. an ex that is also a friend. fuckin bummer. because
unfortunately i don't yet talk to any of them.
hopefully, you don't become one of them. cuz if i like you enough (and you make it past date one and my top 10 first-date peeves) chances are i'll miss you when we stop talking. i'm only human. granted, i'm an awesome human.
anyway, just a thought i had this afternoon as another chapter closed. and i'm into the next.
1 comment:
Eh, not really a bummer. Honestly. I have a couple of ex's that I still have occasional contact with, and I guess I might label one of them a friend but it's like the very outer ring of friendship. And I tried for awhile to delude myself into thinking I could be friends with them, the truth is that I'm like you: we were never friends first, so once it was over we weren't really friends then.
I tried not to believe that because I was being nice to them, but that's the truth. And, you know what? It's OK. I don't believe that you're meant to remain friends with an ex. When the relationship ends, the relationship ends in all of the possible definitions.
I think you see more people remaining friends with ex's nowadays simply because people are A) passive-aggressive and can't make the move to cut ties completely and B) people are increasingly co-dependent and so afraid of being rejected or not being loved, even when it's someone they don't love or like in return, that they maintain the relationship.
I say be strong, be original. If you're not friends, you're not friends. There's nothing wrong with that. And besides when you do find the person you want to be with you'll see that you don't really want to remain friends with an ex anyway, because al they do is remind you of all the people you were with before who were not the person you're with now. All of your failed attempts. And who wants that?
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